Saturday, March 29, 2008

There's nothing like a bunch of randomness on a Saturday.

-Day 88.
I had an extremely crappy day Friday. That's all I need to say about that.
Because of the life sucking day I had, this post will be a bunch of ranDUMBness.
Random thing #Uno:

I had one sad little highlight to my day.
A vendor came in while I was being the office chump and gave me a couple of pens.
I've had vendor pens before and they're usually good for a couple of messages then I file them under "G" for Garbage where they belong.
Not these pens! These pens write as if angels were guiding your hand to form every scribbley doodle.
These pens will help you solve all crossword puzzles, math problems, change the oil in your car, give you kisses, with very little effort on your part.

Now I'm upset that I type more than I write!
I'm going to look up prison inmates and become their pen-pal just so that I can use them!
Don't worry, I'll pick white collar criminals whose only sin was to rip off poor unsuspecting senior citizens. I do have some boundaries.
Le Random thing #2:

I heard a news report that said there's a shortage of egg laying hens. (that's exactly how I heard it. I was confused at first and thought, 'Eggs! Laying hens??' But, after replaying it over and over in my head, I was able to figure out what they meant.)
I looked and looked for more information but I was unable to find anything online so you'll have to take my word for it.
In honor of this horrific report, I'll be having a yummy bacon-cheese omelet at exactly 10:53 Saturday morning.

If you'd like to take part in hastening the extinction of eggs, please join me at the The Egg Factory in Mount Prospect, IL. Call me if you're going to be late because I hate eating cold eggs!
Random #3:

I have finally figured out how to post from Scarlett (my cellphone)! I did a test run and it came thru loud and clear! With a little bit of spam but I'm sure I'll figure out the kinks.
I'm unstoppable! Did you just roll your eyes???

Random-dumb #4:


When you come over for breakfast, make sure you bring The Game of Redneck Life.

I must warn you yet again that I cheat whenever I can. In my nutty mind, as long as I'm upfront about my deviousness, my cheating is part of the unwritten rules. Read all the fun we could have while losing teeth and shooting rats!

Teeth are lost through accidents and brawls. Buy some back at the end of the game if you have money or loose a tooth for every $100 you still Uncle Clem came collectin'!
A roll of 2 dice determines the grade you complete in school, which sets you up for one of 11 fabulous careers such as Monster Truck announcer or Taxidermist. Paydays are generally an opportunity to pay down your debt. Debt is incurred by buying vehicles and a home on credit. Perhaps a $500 TV, getting married, divorced, re-married, and having too many young'ens! You may fail at step parenting and be able to give your Darryls to another player. .
Extra earning opportunities arise:
Part-time job shooting rats athe dump. Collect $20.
New business venture: Steal and sell wheelchairs. Collect $300.
Unexpected Expenses occur:
One of your TVs breaks. Buy a nice new TV. Pay $500.
Accidentally break industrial scale at feed store while weighing yourself. Pay $200 for repairs.
Revenge, Sweet Revenge ...
Go in on a bass boat with any other player, You each pay $300.
You need more time to watch TV. You may divide all of your young'ens between the other players.
Steal and part out any other player's vehicle. Collect half its value.
Witness Protection Program: May trade homes with any other player.

This is a shout out to my comic book peeps out there. Are you guys as surprised as I am to see Stan Lee is still alive? HE HASN'T AGED SINCE MALLRATS!


  1. Brian must have taken my advice on letting someone else (me) be first so that he loses some of his attitude. Thank you Brian.

  2. I think my brother might have this game. The funny thing is, rednecks are so proud of this lifestyle and when they play games like this, they laugh at all the things they've actually done that are included in the game.
    I am NOT a redneck, I am related to several thousand of them though. Just thought I should get that out there.

  3. Bugger, I woke up late this morning to find that someone has beaten me... Shocking!

    If those pens are magic enough to make scribbles legible then I could do with them. Otherwise, I'll stick to typing, I think.

  4. I have a burgundy phone too, but mine isn't nearly as cool as yours. Which I'm okay with, because all I use it for is to call people. Which I only do maybe twice a week, cause I'm social like that.

  5. Stan Lee is alive?!! You should send him a pen so he can draft his will.

  6. the good thing about handwriting is if ya don't know how to spell something just scrib it around a bit.

  7. I have something to say about the nature of those egg laying hens, but in my weakened state, I should keep it to myself.

    Start going out and signing autographs with your new pens, Bee! Draw hearts and swirley lines around it, too!

  8. I guess all hope now lies with Mr. Cockadododo's nephwes. Too bad I ate Spwey.

  9. But what about The Magic Pan, Bee? I must know if my favorite crepe place is still kicking around CHicago.

  10. We got a pen during an exchange at Homeschool Family Camp three years ago. Yeah, THREE years ago! We never have pens last this long. It's obvious that this one is gifted. We fight over who gets to use it, too.

    It's yellow and says Earl's Septic Tank Services on it.

  11. I had to buy eggs at the dollar store, Bee. They're getting way too expensive at the grocery store here. :(

    Sometimes in life you have to crack a few eggs......or a few dozen to make a decent sized omelette!

  12. We have an omelette maker. It serves up two adorable little omelettes at a time.

    We're contributing to the egg scarcity.

  13. Tracy:
    I would love to meet each and every one of your relatives. Summer good for you?

    These pens are AWESOME!

    Tomorrow is a big day for you guys but you've said you're always bleary eyed.

    The funny thing is, I hardly ever use it to call people.

    Momo Fali:
    Ha! Maybe he'll leave me something!

    jean knee:
    Oh, that's why doctors write like they do? Interesting!

    Hmmm. I'll start signing once my graphs are worth more. Right now they're worth -50 cents.

    You. Ate. Spewey? BWAHAHAHAHA! That just sounded funny!

    Still around and kicking in Northbrook!
    "Earl's Septic Tank Services" Can I have his number?

    Yup! Eggs are way too expensive!


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.