Thursday, March 20, 2008

Maybe I can be there for their divorce?

-Day 79.-

So, the hubs and I are invited to a wedding.
To those of you who know me and those that don’t will now learn, I AM AN ANTI-SOCIALITE.

I said it!
Loud and proud!
I hate going places that involve small talk and strangers.
... And table manners.
"Whadda ya mean I shouldn't lick my fingers? How will that saucy goodness get into my mouth otherwise??"

This here is my favorite arena.

I can go around talking to you peeps via the interworldwideweb without having to wash my face, dress up, smell good, etc.
I enjoy this type of bonding. I can always brag about how tall I am meanwhile knowing I can walk limbo under a table.

My attempt to weasel out of going to this holiest of unions started when I asked Andy if I could hire a Bee stand in. His hopeful expression changed once he saw the women I had in mind.

He said no to all of them. I don't know, I find #1 and #3 to closely resemble me.

What? You thought I’d hire a hottie to go with my Andy?? Nuh-uh!

I guess I'll have to stop my pouting and go. Do I sound like a crybaby?

Sorry, it's just that, I can hold my own when out and about but I don't know how to act amongst strangers.
Some people don’t “get” when I'm joking.

Even you guys sometimes don't get me. You know how I know? Cuz you ask me questions like "Why a duck?" Why not a duck? They make me laugh!
At any rate, whether here, there or anywhere, my main objective is to amuse the one person in the world that matters more than cheese... ME!

The problem could be that it sounds good in my head but not so good when I say it? Something to ponder.

I have a stranger danger example from my recent trip to IKEA.

I was looking at cacti and found one I wanted to bring home, then I saw one from the same family only it was bigger and fuller. As I was putting the original one back, a lady asked me, “Are you apologizing to the cactus because you’re not buying it??”
Yup! I sure was. Without even realizing it. I can’t help it.

Was I embarrassed? No. But the lady probably thought I was off my rocker.
Anyway, I get self conscious so I just sit there quietly. Looking sad or mad but the reality is, I'm singing Billy Idol's "Rebel Yell" in my head.

Alltop has tons of blogs just waiting for you to discover 'em!


  1. now here's the deal. I am an anti-socialite too. small talk is like Chinese water torture to me.

    no I don't give a crap if you're going skiing over Spring break and you don't address someone at their own home as "Now who are you" and then don't even say who you are. This actually happened at baseball practice to me, in my own backyard.
    Then the biotch starts saying what a great guy my next door neighbor is-he 's an ass wipe by the way.

    then tomorrow I have to go hob knob it up with pta moms. some are okay but they never get my jokes and I end up looking like an asswipe.

  2. and I couldn't get that billy idol song to play, dang

  3. JEAN KNEE!! You are my anti-socialite mate!!

  4. I'll sing it for you:

    With a rebel yell! She cried more more moooooore! With a midnight yell! She cried more more more more moooooore!

    I'm doing the lip thing too.

  5. we'd have fun with the PTA moms and they wouldn't even know it

  6. did you also wave yer fist around? I always love that part

  7. Yeah, I'd be like "wuz up ladies how are your ha has?"

    They'd be like hoohas?

  8. except I always thought billy had a disappointingly little girlie type wrist and forearm.

  9. I doubt thier husbands have ever seen them naked

  10. Go Kinky for prezdent 2008!!!

    hoooha!!!haaahoo, sweeeeeeet!

  11. What was the name of that guy that got caught with his extension in the cookie jar?

    Spitzer? Spritzer??

    what's with politician names?

  12. Ha Ha HA!
    How come nobody has made fun of his name??

  13. they see the call girl and become speechless

  14. She was only one diamond. She kinda looked like a drag queen.

  15. she looked better than those nudies of Lindsay Lohan

  16. True dat!
    Later sister anti-socialite!

  17. hey, i called him shitzer!!!!

    i say, go and eff anyone who can't take a joke. can't leave the hubs alone to be pounced on.

  18. I'm an anti-socialite too. The best strategy is to drink enough that you don't care any more, but not too much that you embarrass yourself. Unfortunately, in order to be sociable I need to drink enough to be embarrassing. Still, I've been asked to more than one event, so it must be entertaining...

  19. I too have the antisocialite bug. That was one reason I knew that Chris was the one. We enjoy one another, we're both extremely sarcastic, we like to go to restaraunts and make fun of the other people, and we both like to be left the hell alone. It's bliss.

  20. Bee
    Ask Andy again if I can come to the bachlor party. I think I meet that guy once about 10 years ago.

  21. spring break skiersMarch 20, 2008 at 8:53 AM

    We still love Jean Knee!

  22. nyc mayors of nyc inc.March 20, 2008 at 8:55 AM

    I did not spitzer!

  23. never-nude pta momsMarch 20, 2008 at 8:58 AM

    We approve!

  24. I'm also an anti-socialite.
    But I'm ok with people who understand this about me, I know I can just sit there and not talk much :)
    Like MOFs.

  25. break a leg snooty baseball mom on yer expensive ski trip

    hey wait, your botox is wearing off I almost thought I saw a smile

  26. Larry David's production company for Curb Your Enthusiasm is WhyADuck. Just thought you'd like to know that.

  27. botoxed skiing baseballersMarch 20, 2008 at 3:27 PM

    We disapprove of Jean Knee's comments.
    You shall never be invited to our candle parties...HMMP!

  28. Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the Wireless, I hope you enjoy. The address is A hug.

  29. That poor cactus; reject back to the shelf to live a life of shame... Bwa ha ha

  30. Cool, you got spammed too! You are now in the bloggie Big times with me too.
    I'm going to start ending all of my comments with "A hug" too.
    A hug.

  31. Okay, now this is weird. the video played right away and I'm thinking Billy's arms look fine so I think I got him mixed up with that power fag from the psychedelic furs

    sorry Billy Idol, Your arms are hawt

  32. power fag without fursMarch 20, 2008 at 7:14 PM


  33. There is free food & booze, you dont have to go to be social. Think of it like, "Man I have to stop em from throwing away all this food & booze. What a waste that would be!"

    & everyone else there is thinkin that same thing they just have a different story than yours for being there.

  34. wait, Andy you forgot the part about having to wear a dress and woman shoes and possibly panty hose. Oh the Horror!!

    all that just for free food?

  35. I think it's cute you were apologizing to the cactus :)

  36. Wait. Are we clicking for something different now? How can nobody told me of this new schedule?

    I know what 'Dancing With Myself' really means. I'm glad that's not the Billy Idol song running through your mind.

  37. Eyes Without A Face is creepier, though. One time when I was 10 and we had just moved here to Texas, we went to the big Art Festival downtown. We are people from freakin Indiana in the middle of the cornfield. We did not know it would be a gay freak show magnet. Anyway, I'll never forget the lovely transvestite singing that song with a huge boa wrapped around her/his? neck. No, not a feather boa. A boa constrictor. And roller skates. Yeah, he/she performed on a mini-stage with a snake and roller skates. That was really a spectacle for a small town Hoosier in 1984.

  38. I'm a bit anti-social, too. It takes me awhile to warm up to people. Usually I really hit my stride, conversationally the moment the party or event is over.

  39. Youll come to MY wedding right?? Ya better!

    Bee is gonna be pissed! She hates the "F" word!!
    She once said "you can say fuck fucktard freckledfuck fuckmeiser BUT DONT SAY F*G!"

    I didnt say it Bee.

  40. I love, love, LOVE Billy Idol. There I was...reading and enjoying your blog. And now all I can think about is Mr. William Broad. ::sigh::


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