Close encounter of the idiot kind.

-Day 84.




Mondays SUCK! If you don’t agree with me, I will go and shave “Bee rocks!” on your head. Are we in agreement? Good!

Anyway, Mondays usually find me hung-over (even though I don’t drink, I still wake up with a fuzzy tongue- I know you want to make THAT joke but if you value your life... nah. Go ahead, pull the trigger.) unwilling to get up, debating whether I NEED to take a shower (the answer is always "YES" by the way), bemoaning my lack of millions of dollars so that I can hire valets that will put all my body parts back together again.

I’m the female, new-age version of Humpty Dumpty. Only my name is Hairy Dumpy. Yeah, I LIKE IT! ***Observation. Word agreed with my spelling of “Humpty” but disagreed with the spelling of “Dumpty” and didn’t give me a spelling alternative, don’t these two go together??

So… where the hell was I? Oh yeah! Mondays.
These are the days my mood is, how shall I put it? At it's most dangerous or SEVERELY UNFRIENDLY. I’m snarly until at least 11:59 pm AT LEAST.

Most people know this and stay away. Some people think they’re from the cat family and keep testing their 9 lives theory. So far, 2 dead 1 confirmed catperson.

I walked into the office, turned on my computer, then went to the kitchen to make coffee.

Scarecrow walks in, obviously knowing I hadn’t had my coffee since I was in the process of making it, not a good sign. I'm even less pleasant, IF POSSIBLE, before my coffee.

Scarecrow: [hovering]
Have you seen Patient X’s chart?

Bee: [maintaining my patience]
Doesn’t sound familiar.

Scarecrow: [not very good at reading warning signs]
I think you had it last.

Bee: [in a half snarl]
HAD would probably be your first clue that I don’t have it NOW.

Scarecrow: [dense head]
I did look on your desk and didn’t find it…

Bee: [looking at her encouragingly]
Okay. Maybe you should try plan “B” and look somewhere else?

Scarecrow: [I've known doorknobs with more intelligence]
I could have sworn you had it.

Bee: [explaining to this middle aged child]
Work with me here, isn’t HAD the past tense of TO HAVE?

Scarecrow: [beginning to sweat]
I was just hoping you put it somewhere else.

Bee: [big eyes, clown face]
Like where? In my car? On a plane? On a train? In a box? With 3 locks?

Scarecrow: [huffy]
Fine. I’ll look somewhere else!

Bee: [singsong voice, arms outstretched, total ham]
In a field of clovers? With a dog named rover?

Scarecrow: [baring her teeth or um... gums]
Forget it.

Bee: [twirling]
In a junkyard? Crap! What rhymes with yard?-

OZ: [Wheezing FROM HIS OFFICE THAT'S NEXT TO THE KITCHEN]
LARD!

Bee: [a little startled that the boss is participating but taking it in stride]
In a junkyard? With a tub of lard?

Scarecrow walks out bumps into OZ as he's walking.

OZ: [shaking his head, wheeze laughing]
No, "In a junkyard? While burying lard?" Sounds better.

Bee: [blushing cuz I'm such a dumbass]
Who buries lard?

OZ: [still laughing]
You can’t dump that stuff down the drain! The lard would clog it!

Here's my question, isn't mine better? A tub of lard instead of burying lard?

I wonder if OZ was always a wise ass or if he got corrupted my lil' ole me.

Well, at least my day got get batter after that.

P.S.

Andy came by the office to pick something up, --looking super hawt in his scruffy electrical wear--, and he had this observation "The receptionist lady (AKA Cowardly Lion) doesn't seem to be too happy with you."

That's probably because I've restricted her peeing to when I deem it is appropriate. To dictate, is to love.