VE tagged me for the 6 word memoir.
I first saw it on FADKOG's blog and played along too. I believe I cheated and used 24 words.
Bored girl looks for electrifying experience.
Electrician looking for funny bad girl.
You may now kiss the bride.
Happily, sometimes with booze, ever after.
This time, I'll stay true to the SIX.
I'm rebellious, outspoken, comical looking, loved.Perfect! (I'm not saying I'm perefect, I'm saying the Six Words are perfect.)(But I am.)
Moving on.
Okay people, you know how I'm always telling you what a GREAT wife I am? How I let Andy play his computer games, video games, talk about comic books, go see all the Sci-Fi movies ever made, listen to all the reasons why STAR WARS COULD BE REAL.
ETCETERA, ETCETERA.
He can pretty much do what he wants, when he wants without me blinking an eye. I mean, who am I to complain? He keeps me in high tech gadgets, awesome shoes, makes my salad, does the dreaded grocery shopping and laundry. He is my gold mine, my fountain of youth and my anchor all rolled in to one neat package of mullet hair.
We have also discussed what an INSANELY jealous person I am, right? Well, remember the wedding I'm dreading? Andy was invited to the bachelor party.
I'm totally trying to be the cool wife by saying encouraging things like "OVER YOUR DEAD BODY!" or "I'LL HIDE OUR CAR KEYS, YOUR WALLET AND DEBIT CARD!"
Nothing too psycho-ish. Normal everyday threats. It doesn't help that Brother Dan is trying to tag along therefore condoning Andy's actions.
I can't help it! I know what goes on at those parties!
I know they'll hire a stripper maybe more than one. 
At the beginning of our marriage I was more blasé about strippers "Meh! So what? It's not like they can touch 'em!" Now, after gaining 2 to 20 pounds times 1,000, blasé has turned into "Stupid skinny perfect bitches!"
See, I've evolved. I've matured and realized I'm not immortal and now I'm trying to make Andy understand that neither is he!
::SIGH:: He'll probably wind up going because I don't want him to be teased at work. I can take mocking and peer pressure but my Andy is a poor delicate flower that wilts under harsh criticism.
Why do people have to get married anyway?? If they have to do it, can't they just elope. They are seriously making my life more problematic than it needs to be! Maybe I'll forward them the link on "How to Elope In Las Vegas". I can't believe people can be selfish enough to inconvenience the rest of us.
P.S.
Why is it that every time a man takes a shower he expects praise... and a parade?
Primero!
ReplyDeleteWell, Bee, let a man be a man, however, these bachelor parties do get a little crazy.
SC
Deux!
ReplyDeleteIf you trust your Andy, then simply review your "list/rules" with him, set a curfew, and advise him to have a good time...
My wife once guilted me into not going to a strip club during a bachelor party. I don't regret not going, but I wish the other guys had gone without me cause I felt like I let them down.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to sleep, Bee. I'll read manana. Meanwhile, I was just talking about Adrian Zmed and how greasy he is with Millie Chicken just like an hor ago and no you're blogging about Bachelor Party. Weird and cosmic!
ReplyDeleteYou've nothing to worry about. If there is a stripper, she'll probably be hideously ugly, and you'll be able to be proud that Andy sat through her act and pretended to enjoy it for the sake of his friends.
ReplyDeleteA few years ago, my hubby was invited to a bachelor party. I was feeling much the same way you were, except I had kids that I could throw into the mix too. i.e. What will your daughters think if you go off to oggle at some skank taking her clothes off? I bet that strippers father went to a bachelor party when she was a little girl too and sealed her fate!
ReplyDeleteSo, yeah, he went but lucky for me the stripper had bad breath and too much perfume on.
And the next day I found out she had on a lot of glitter because the guys at the party who got lap dances were covered in glitter. My hubby was glitter free.
Ooooo..maybe you should find out who she is and send her a meal with a lot of garlic and onions in it and a new thing of body glitter. That's thinking ahead!
ReplyDeleteBored girl looks for electrifying experience.
ReplyDeleteElectrician looking for funny bad girl.
You may now kiss the bride.
Happily, sometimes with booze, ever after.
this is my new favorite poem.
tell him to look all he wants just remember skanks are riddled with diseases so keep a nice 6 ft distance
ReplyDeleteplus they are paid to act like you are hawt
Party, Party !!!
ReplyDeleteAndy must go !!!
I wish I had a friend that was getting married.
You know I still have a "go to Vegas card"
My brother and I were going to go but because I was moving right before the wedding it was posponed.
What you say SC? you in or out?
Tracy
I'm sure your husband only told you she had bad breath, why was he so close to her to be able to smell her breath in the first place?
AVODROCK:
ReplyDelete"Let a man be a man"??? 21st century brotha'!
Esmeralda:
Of course I trust My Andy it's the skank whore bitches I don't trust. And his friends. They know he's shy so I can imagine them paying the WHORE to make him blush.
>:o[
Nicklaus Louis:
Yeah, I don't want to do that to him. He'll probably go and I'll ask him not to tell me anything about the party but it'll be killing me inside.
I wonder if he will read that? ;o)
EWBL:
I thought he was hawt in Grease II.
Brian:
A likely story! Maybe if I meet her before I can make sure her face is all bruised up. And her body in a body cast. Nah, these chicks are like cockroaches, more will come out of the crack...
Tracy:
!!!! Lap dances! I'd forgotten about LAP DANCES!!!
jean knee:
Thank you! ;o)
I like the diseased approach!
Bee:
Andy, if you look at her tatas too long, you'll develop BEEKICKYOURASSITIS!
Dan:
I. am. telling. MOM! See what she thinks of her sweet, quite, favorite son.
Doesn't it just make you want to rip the heads off those skanks!! It's always something to make us upset. geesh!
ReplyDeleteMaybe he'll feel cheap and degraded and find that naked women (other than his wife) are repulsive... then again maybe I'm just blowing sunshine. :)
Seriously though, I wouldn't let it bother me too much. It'll all work out.
"Hey girlie, I just took a shower....."
ReplyDeleteThat's Papi's main line to let me know that he's interested.
I would totally let Papi go to a Bachelor Party......if it was being held at Chuck E. Cheese.
ReplyDeleteQUINZE!
ReplyDeleteI have been to many a strip club and have seen many things. I totally trust my husband. But, as you said, there are the stupid friends (and/or brothers) not to mention the pimply skanks who would do just about anything to get the next dollar bill.
The whole idea of debauchery right before you get married is strange to me. It's one thing to have a party. But I know guys who basically had a weekend with hookers and stuff. WTF is THAT about???
At any rate, I don't know you but you write like you're gorgeous so I'm sure you have nothing to worry about. And I'm sure that Andy will keep his wedding tackle in his pants. Because the BeeKickYourAssItis sounds like it would SUCK. (Not in a good way.)
PS I love my brother as I'm sure you love yours. But SOMETIMES. You know?
While I'm not one to say "go look at the boobies, baby!" I'd hope the bachelor party experienc didn't morph into "Very Bad Things," and the boys are left carving up some stripper in the bathroom and debating on ways to dispose of her corpse.
ReplyDeleteFood for thought.
Or boobs for thought.
Nice 6 word sumation!
ReplyDeleteOh, and God I love it when there is a parade after my every shower...if only there was a bachelor party right after each parade...
Bacelor parties are cool.
ReplyDeleteYou know the old saying.
"once you've seen one woman naked....,
you want to see the rest of them!"
I'm not smart enough to know if I should be really pissed off at BEX or not.
ReplyDeleteDan:
ReplyDeleteThis blog is about love.
that's right Dan, if you love Bee(and your nuts, I hear Bee comes from a long line of nut kickers)
ReplyDeleteyou'll keep the skank off Andy.
because it's all about love.
My Mind Wandered:
ReplyDeleteYup! Rip THEIR FREAKIN' HEADS OFF!
::breathe::
I'm trying to control myself. ;o)
EWBL:
Yup. I get the same thing.
Chuck-E Cheese! Brilliant!! I'll run it by them!
Bex:
See, I don't understand why they go with a bunch of men, get horny and then what?? Don't they remember being in school and getting a boner? Weren't they embarrassed then? What's the difference now? Yeah, I don't get the hooker thing at all.
FADKOG:
I sat thru that movie and walked out not knowing if I liked it or not. I'm still unsure.
VE:
Does these parades have clowns on stilts?
Damon:
Ha Ha ha! Oh-oh! that could take some time and they're not all worth getting slapped!
jean knee:
That's all I ask. Is it too much?