Wednesday, March 19, 2008

I'm not always a lady... sometimes I'm a duck.

-Day 78. Everything has two sides--the outside that is ridiculous, and the inside that is solemn.--Olive Schreiner
I know you’re sick of hearing I’m sick but... honestly, I really don’t care. No no. I'm kidding. I feel better. I'm over the worst part. I'm just going thru the boogie part.
You guys know how much of a lady I am by now, right? I know some of you may disagree (you know who you are!) and I'll have to concede to having the occasional blunder or two.
For example, Is there a ladylike way to blow ones nose? I was blowing my nose in the bathroom and noticed how my face contorts into one of those scary Halloween masks.
Soooooo, since I had nothing better to do, I decided to practice in front of the mirror, you know, just in case I might have to blow my nose in public due to an unforeseen emergency. I don't want to scare small children... more than I do on a daily basis.
I tried and tried with no success. Eyeballs bulged, double chin appeared, forehead creased. I've decided to continue my nose blowing in private.

Something else that doesn’t look ladylike, stuffing one third of a juicy orange into your mouth and then trying to chew and swallow before you dribble and/or drown.
I managed to remain alive and dribble free but at the cost of my ladyness (spell check was telling me I'm trying to type "lewdness" instead of "ladyness", how well does this thing know me!).
Anyway, you'll be happy to know, I'm not ALWAYS a lady.


  1. I can't believe I was first! I completely forgot what my comment was going to be when I go so excited about being first!!!!
    I was First!


  2. I'll go reread that post and then come back with my comment.

  3. Oh, right. The nose blowing. I really don't think there is a lady like way to do it. Just the act alone is gross.
    I say stick with doing it in private. You don't want to scar anyone for life.

  4. I agree with Tracy that as with most bodily functions this is one best kept private.

  5. And I've got to ask before anyone else does:

    1. Do ducks have noses?
    2. If so, do they blow them?
    3. If not do they blow mucus out of any other orifices?
    4. If not, why did you pick a duck?

  6. Brian-Now I'm wondering the same thing. Do they get colds? And are they just going around hocking lugeys everywhere? Now I'll be wondering this all day.

  7. Have you ever seen your shirtless back when you have a cough attack? It's NOT hot. At least mine isn't. The skin gets all weird and pulled and the back is humped over. I happened to see mine a few months ago in the bathroom and I haven't been right since.

  8. Guys
    You don't have to think about it all day, I have all the answers.

    1. Yes
    2. Yes
    3. they do.
    4. because she likes ducks.
    5. they do get colds.
    6. they blow and hock lugeys.

    Anything else I can help with?

  9. I kept going to buffets and hearing Lionel Richie tell me over the sound system that I was "Once, Twice, Three Times A Lady." I got the hint. We haven't been to a buffet in awhile.

  10. And I don't care what my face looks like while I'm blowing my nose in public because I'm honestly expending every ounce of my energy to keep from farting. You know you use a lot of the same abdominal muscles for blowing noses and farting so the danger is very real.

  11. we are on the same wavelength once again. on the way to school Lean sneezed a snot ball. There were no tissues in car cause it's a rental while my car gets fixed. So I made her wipe her ball on a paper from school. she was appalled but when I laid it out for her:
    wipe nose on paper
    walk down hall with snot hanging out of your nose

    she saw it my way.

  12. I don't mind the blowing of nose in public. It's when I sneeze..out of nowhere..and you have to long 'double barrel hangers' as my dad used to call them. Yeah. Real nice.

  13. bex's comment reminded me of that Seinfeld episode with the "bad naked", you know the one with the gilr who loved to parade around his aparment unclothed.

    I'm very lady like when I sneeze. I could show you....when I see you :D

  14. Tracy:
    Yeah! You're a ROCK STAR!!

    What if an emergency arises where I have choice but to expel my boogies into a hanky?? I try to always be prepared.

    You are just too polite. You'd be surprised at the stuff women do here in OZland.


    1)Yes, they have two little nostril holes on their beaks.

    2)Yes, where do you think "honking" came from?

    3) Not on the first date.

    4) I have a little nose, and honk when I blow it resembling a duck.

    So if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck...

  15. Bex:
    Luckily, I'm rarely nahked. ;o)

    Thanks Bro.
    Yes I do like ducks, except when they attack me.

    Hmmm... I'm not sure which is worse, booger face or smelly butt. Thanks for your control! ;op

    jean knee:
    She will be a lady just like her momma. SO sweet.

    Yuck... ::blech:: That's what sleeves are for.

    I love Seinfeld!!

    I sneeze like a lady but I blow like a foghorn.

  16. I sneeze like a lady but I blow like a foghorn

    you'll lose your pg-13 rating

  17. jean knee, that went away about the same time as my vir- uh... virus for the flu.

  18. I'm working on a prototype of a giant shield (think welder's mask) to allow you total privacy for public nose blowing (or picking). Look for it on retail stores soon...

  19. virus for the flu.

    Are we talking about zombies again?


  20. Does the ladyness disappear if you maybe take a delicate peek inside the tissue to see the dead body you blew out of your nose?

    I mean a quick, delicate peek?

    And by "you" I don't necessarily mean "you." Do you do that? If not, sometimes you should. It can be scary impressive.

  21. it's 10:17, where's the new post????????????????????????????

  22. VE:
    Okay, but I must warn you that my husband says I have a big head. Hopefully you won’t make them “one size fits most”.

    Ummmm I meant virus- computer virus.

    Nah… a lady wouldn’t do that! ;op


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.