Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Controversial Teen/Young-Adult deterrent. The Barreness (=childless but not unhappy about it) brings you the real story!

-Day 85.-
The following post may contain material that is offensive to mothers. While I do not apologize for the words you’re about to read, I do want to make sure you do not live near me when you read them.

You know, on the off chance you’d like to come over and get all in my face for talking smack about your offspring.

Before you read on, you must answer this question.

How long would it take you to get to Chicago?

If your answer is “an hour or more”, you may read on.

If your answer is “I’m standing outside your door right now!”

Let me prepare my attack dog Tazzer The Ferocious before you read this post. (I prepare him by showing him pictures of you and then saying “They’re coming to give you a bath!” nothing makes him angrier than being clean. Except maybe being petted. And looking at him. Or breathing.)

Sure, he might not look menacing there but that's our secret weapon!
I was semi-listening to the news the other day when I heard them say something about a high pitched device that only humans between the ages of 13-23 could hear. Some places are using it as a deterrent for gangs and loiterers.

The Mosquito

I want to quickly, before anybody TRIES to beat me up, say that I love this idea!

There is nothing that scares me more than teenagers (and babies with guns)! They seem to have no respect for their uh… what’s the word I’m looking for? Not elders since I’m barely over the age of 23 myself. Um… people with slightly more experience than them?

Anyway, my office building is in a more economical area of my suburb. There are tons of families living in apartment buildings that have, you guessed it, allot of teenagers.

They like to hang out in the parking lot, sitting on people’s cars, having snowball fights no matter who's trying to get into their cars. Drs, nurses, ME.

One day, I got into my car and as I was pulling away, 2 of them jumped in front of me! I had to slam on the breaks! I put my car in park and opened the door.

When I was a teen, this would have been enough to send me running. Instead, one of them came nearer, talking crap. I reached in, turned off the ignition and took my keys. I whipped out my cell phone and told them sweetly to stay where they were so that I could call the police. This did the trick but what about the next time?


They remind me of the Squirrel/pigeons Seinfeld episode where George killed pigeons and ran over a squirrel. He kept shouting "we have a deal" that they're supposed to move out of the way. (Sadly, I live my life reliving Seinfeld/Simpsons/Friends episodes)

What are my options? I can't beat them senseless, nor would I want too, because I'd look like the bad guy.

I say we should award the inventors of this device the Noble Peace Prize for keeping people safe... and me out of jail.

Unless, they start to evolve and manage to develop an immunity to high frequencies!

Then we're all doomed!


  1. First!!! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA...


  2. Tell those darns kids to GET OFF MY LAWN!!!

  3. My son keeps telling me we should get him an alarm clock that instead of making a noise that will (as usual) make up the rest of the house instead of him, has a 'mosquito' so he'll be the one waking up without bothering us.

  4. She is me. I am her.
    She does sound creepy right?? :o)

    She looks at me Bee.
    She follows my every move.
    It's scawy.

  5. How many comments am I allowed?
    Is there a limit?

  6. Are you reading all my comments Bee?

    Are you even reading this one?
    ALL OF IT?

    *That's what she said!*

  7. Do they have similar devices for other age groups? Could you get a bat deterrent for your desk?

    Another thing they've tried is playing opera out of speakers in areas where teenagers "hang out". This has the same effect.

  8. The word "loitering" has always amused me.

  9. I will officially be the mother of a teenager on Cinco De Mayo. :0

  10. My grandma got sick and tired of squirrels horning in on the bird feeders she hung up all around her house. They'd sit their fat butts in the feeder and eat all the seed and scare off the birds. They just looked at her and scolded her when she tried to chase them off so............she bought a BB Gun and began picking them off with it. It just stings them and they learned not to mess with her and to stay away from the feeders.

    Bee, can you open the windows at work? If so, you can pick off the teens with a BB Gun from the safety and comfort of your office.

  11. Somehow I managed to read this post without being offended. I was all prepared to be offended, what with all your warneing, but no offense happened. Oh well.

  12. as a mother myself of 2 children (a boy and a girl) i have absolutely NO problem addressing bad behavior in other children when i see it. my favorite line, which usually works wonders is, "i know your mother. does she know what you are doing/where you are right now?!" this usually sends them scurrying.

  13. As a mother of a 16 year old, I know how annoying they can be. They live in a world where if you don’t tall TEEN they can’t hear you. You just get this blank look like the light is on but no one is home. I liked it better when she was 5 and I was the pretty’s smartest person she knew.

  14. there's this song by my chemical romance that goes:
    " Teenagers scare the living shit out of me"

    They know you can't beat them up because you'll go to jail.

  15. wow it’s a good thing you don’t have any children of your own! i can imagine the torture you’d put them through! anyone who thinks this is a good idea obviously has their head up their ass! thanks for doing the world a favor in spawning more imbeciles!

  16. FOOK A DUCK!
    I’ll come back later and comment on everybody else’s comment but I just wanted to come on over and ask my anonyMOUSE friend a quick question. Who am I kidding? A bunch of questions.

    Do you need a hug?
    Are you upset because you weren’t breast fed as a baby?
    Are you on Mirapex and hearing things that aren’t there? Do you taste cheesecake?

  17. And.
    Just because I'd make my kids were a shock collar so they wouldn't leave the premises does not mean I'd be a bad mother.
    I can put them in kennels right?

  18. Just fo the record , i read each and every one of the comments.

    teenagers scare the spit out of me. Also they charm my socks off.

    in equal measures. in other words they are fascinating.

    we should get one of those things in keychain size so you can ward off suspicious looking teens.

  19. Anon:

    After enjoying a day at the beach it's a good idea to take a shower.
    As you may know (or maybe you don't) oysters have no problems making pearls out of a grains on sand, but it's very obvious to all of us that your sandy vagina is irritating you big time.

    Hope you get better.

  20. As tempting as that little device is, I think I'll stick to my pellet gun, it works really well to keep the neighborhood kids and dogs off my lawn.

    Plus it looks like a sniper rifle so people think I am a crazy bitch when I lay out there behind my rose bushes picking off 'enemies' with it. ;)

  21. whoa, someone just learned a new word, vagina.

    v...a ..g..i...n...a

    I feel so naughty

  22. Anonymous:

    Please, sandy vahjayjay (I don't want Jean Knee to feel naughty) is a real ailment, don’t take it lightly
    Main symptoms:
    -Augmented sense of entitlement
    -Delusions of grandeur
    -Ball-less attempts to express your opinion (commenting anonymously)
    -Grand stupidity

    Get it checked out.

  23. oh my gawwwd. I've got it

    oh the horror!

    I wonder if my husband's noticed?

  24. I would use that device on my own kids. Now. Except they're typically distracted by the constant hum of the television and the Playstation.

    So, perhaps I'll stick it in between the books in the kid's department and enjoy some peace.

  25. This "Mosquito" is a great idea. Now when they get beaten indoors by some high pitched whistle made to turn your brains to mush, not only will I have hear their crappy music playing even louder but I'll have to support them later in life due to some brain disfunction caused by loud sounds.

    Sounds like the 'ol G-Man is thinking about the budget in 2030 already.

  26. Another option is to throw change on the road in front of them (I suggest mostly a few pennies with one or two nickels).

    As teenagers are attracted to shiny things, they will head towards the fallen change. As math isn't a known skill among them, it will take them at least five minutes to realize you've driven away, and they've only collected 16 cents.

  27. In what way would this offend Mothers? As a matter of fact, if that thing would work on my kids, I'd put one in my living room right now.

  28. SC:
    YAY! Did you read the post??

    Sorry. :o(
    I know.
    You have a thoughtful son.
    She looks at everybody. She keeps watch of my blogus.
    115 for one post.
    Yes. Thanks for playing!

  29. brian:
    Maybe you can invent it for me?? I'd pay you in smiles...
    :o) :o)

    I like spackle.
    Margaritas on me! J/K!
    Maybe a Bee Bee gun??

    You're my girl Blue!

    I think I'm gonna try a water gun. :o) Bright Orange plastic.

    ::sigh:: Way over my head.

    Yeah! I've heard it! I should have posted it.

    jean knee:
    You're weird. Ish.

    Anti-troll police:
    YOU ROCK!!

    HA HA! I think I'll get there one day!

    Jean knee:
    YOU ROCK!!

    I'll help you put them up!

    Great idea! Maybe I'll hit a few of and leave minor bruises!

    Momo Fali:
    Careful, AnonyMOUSE will come after you! ;o)

  30. ANDY:


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.