I had a little trouble sleeping the other night and I was telling Milton about it because I tend to forget how a normal conversation can go dramatically wrong when talking to Milton.
Me: I woke up at about 3 a.m. and felt like I had a bubble of air trying to work its way out of my throat and I felt like was asphyxiating. I got up and the air came hissing out of my mouth like a punctured tire and it went on for what felt like 3 minutes. It was so weird!
Milton: I wonder if air makes you gain weight.
Me: Uh, what? Like if you inhale too much of it, you get fat? Is that what you mean?
Milton: No, no I know we can't fat from air [right because I'm the one that's being ridiculous!] I just mean that if I'm gassy and go weigh myself, will I weigh more than when I'm not gassy?
Me: . . .
Milton: Next time that happens to you, go weigh yourself before you burp and then weigh yourself after you burp just as a mini experiment.
Me: I thought I was going to die! I don't think I would have had the presence of mind to put on a robe, knock around in the dark as I walk to the bathroom and then weigh myself!
Milton: Just out of curiosity, what did you eat? Did you drink a lot of Pepsi? I think I'm going to try get gassy tonight and then weigh myself. I'll tell you tomorrow what happened.
Me: Please don't.