Saturday, March 8, 2008

I must analyze my dreams for they will tell me about the spider monkey.

Day 67. Great Heavens! It's one of those nude female Fire Stations!- Mr. Burns after walking into a strip joint.

So...

Thursday night I went to bed and obsessed about the fact that my post hadn't been very imaginative.

I thought "Dang it!" (I'm back to exclaiming but I'm going to stop swearing, I'm practicing for a super duper trip I'm taking this summer so my potty mouth will be censored to see how long I can go.) (Any guesses how long it will take before I blow it? I mean, I'll probably still swear in my head but not out loud. Andy can be the narc.) (Don't you wonder why I bother with the parenthesis? Me too) "I have about 300 more days to go!"

Anyway, as I was struggling to breathe, TRAPPED in the teaspoon position while the tablespoon snored, my brain in between sleep and awakedness*, I finally solved The Bermuda Triangle mystery!

I did! I figured it out! My next thought was "Oh, I hope I remember tomorrow..." Lately, I've been having great ideas for posts but then I forget them as soon as I blink. They ebb outta my hard head that quickly. Here's an example:

Great Idea. Blink. G o n e.

See? What the heck happens?

Back to The Bermuda Triangle.

I decided to slowly and quietly gnaw off Andy's arm so that I could write down my thoughts and not forget.

This morning I woke up, excited to read my epiphinical* musings! I thought "I'll be famous! My name will be in history books and Natalia's grandchildren will say 'She was my great-aunt, NAY! Awesome Aunt!'."

I looked at what I wrote and this is what I saw:

bermut treangle magnet cargo shit mass whirlpool no surviving burps

Either I was:

A) Asleep and dreaming I was awake.
B) Awake and high.
C) My subconscious was abducted by aliens and/or the government to keep quiet and they are the ones orchestrating the weirdness that goes on in that area of the world for their own selfish needs such as Pineapple hoarding and transportation of a new breed of dogs that walk on their hind legs and clean up their own poop and they removed the truth and left me with gibberish.

Oh well, maybe next time.

If you do solve the Bermuda Triangle mystery, look for all my ideas, they might be hidden under a couch that disappeared in 1953. Try the corner near Puerto Rico.


*I know it's not a word but I have an illness. It's called butcheritis- A habit of butchering both the English and Spanish languages.

17 comments:

  1. Dang!
    Wealth, Fame, meeting Brad, Nobel Prize...maybe it's a conspiracy.
    Aliens?

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  2. Oh, incidentally:
    FIRST!
    And Second

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  3. "No swearing" you said "shit". Sorry Bee. ‡oÐ

    I think your head IS the bermuda triangle!

    Ive got your blog on my new Blackberry given to me so I can be at their beck and call no more missing any posts!

    LATER SHORTY!

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  4. Blogger is the new Bermuda Triangle - It just trashed my comment!!!!

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  5. Anyway, what I think I said was:

    I guess 10 minutes with the swearing. When you're eating. Is it a competition? Will I win a prize?

    I think you are on to something with the Bermuda Triangle thing, and that you should publish a book of your findings and become famous.

    A whirlpool of magnetic shit would explain everything.

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  6. Dear Bee,
    I like the cursing. What kind of trip are you going on that you can't curse? I don't even want to think about a place where cursing isn't allowed. It's a sad little place with non-fowl mouthed people saying "Good Day!" Bleh.
    I'm like you when it comes to thoughts. I have the attention span of a gnat. It's in and it out and it's gone.
    Love
    Tracy

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  7. The more you practice writing while asleep, the better you get at it. Seriously. I've been doing it for years. :)

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  8. NCS:
    I love you for giving me Brad! He is so... dreamy! :o)

    BD:
    Didn't you have somewhere to go tonight?? The "shit" was before I decided not to swear!
    Congrats on your Blackberry but be careful because it becomes addictive.

    Brian:
    You should copy your comment before you publish that's what I do after many mishaps.

    10 minutes? Well I restarted my begin time about 3 times so you might have called it right. The prize is knowing me. Isn't that awesome enough?

    Tracy:
    I'm vacationing with a couple of people I uber respect so I want to be on my bestest behavior.

    It's great to meet someone else that doesn't fight the rambles! ;op

    SB:
    I discovered something cool on my phone "Scarlett". I can record voice notes! Yeah, no more trying to read my chicken scratches! :o)

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  9. Funny post. Also? What Tracy said.

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  10. Oh, by the way, I'm taking my niece to IKEA today, anybody want anything??

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  11. you need to get one of those devices like in the movie "a clock work orange" to keep your eyes open. If you never blink again you might find the cure to aids, cancer and snoring.

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  12. Bermuda Triangle would make a great porn movie title as the locale is in the tropics and the main "actor" keeps making stuff disappear inside the triangle.

    Why am I blogging? I got a future career writing genius porn movie scripts.

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  13. Jean Knee made me laugh until it hurt. It may be all about HER HER HER but she made ME ME ME laugh.

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  14. Dear God, Bee. It's quite possible I love you. Might you consider leaving Andy and I'll dump this guy I swore to spend my life with, blah, blah, blah, and we run off to some island somewhere? Somewhere where people understand our power?

    I promise not to spoon you, Bee. I need my space.

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  15. So, I've been perusing your recent posts and enjoying them, and then I got to what you wrote for your dream and I couldn't stop laughing. So dang funny.

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Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.