-Day 64.I know I know, 2 PSAs in the same week. I just can’t help the fact that I’m such a public servant, not to be confused with servicing the public, please keep the smut outta here, thanks.
Upon my dealings with the underworld-READ ATTORNEYS*-I have had the displeasure of not one, not two, but THREE different people chewing in my ear today.
As much as I LOVE people masticating (which, by the way, is one of the dirtiest non-dirty words I have ever heard) in my ear, I leave that up to my beloved husband. You know, the guy whom I promised to honor love and disobey. In good times, in bad loud-crunching-munching-giving-me-all-kinds-of-gag-reflexes times
If you are not buying me shoes and other accessories, stop your grazing before you call me or you WILL get the following suggestions while on the phone with me.
“Why don't you call me back AFTER you’ve eaten your lunch.”
“WHAT ARE YOU SUCKING ON?”
“I’m sorry, there seems to be a strange noise on the other end of my line. Can you hold a sec while I try to figure out what it is?” and then you’ll hold for 5 minutes until you’ve swallowed and/or died.
This concludes another installment of “Bee: Public Servant, Good Samaritan, Friend, Guide, Mentor etcetera etcetera.”
*If you are, have been, will be, know of, in conjunction to, an attorney, I was speaking of those other ones. The ones who nobody likes because they’re bastards and mean and kick puppy dogs.
Upon my dealings with the underworld-READ ATTORNEYS*-I have had the displeasure of not one, not two, but THREE different people chewing in my ear today.
As much as I LOVE people masticating (which, by the way, is one of the dirtiest non-dirty words I have ever heard) in my ear, I leave that up to my beloved husband. You know, the guy whom I promised to honor love and disobey. In good times, in bad loud-crunching-munching-giving-me-all-kinds-of-gag-reflexes times
If you are not buying me shoes and other accessories, stop your grazing before you call me or you WILL get the following suggestions while on the phone with me.
“Why don't you call me back AFTER you’ve eaten your lunch.”
“WHAT ARE YOU SUCKING ON?”
“I’m sorry, there seems to be a strange noise on the other end of my line. Can you hold a sec while I try to figure out what it is?” and then you’ll hold for 5 minutes until you’ve swallowed and/or died.
This concludes another installment of “Bee: Public Servant, Good Samaritan, Friend, Guide, Mentor etcetera etcetera.”
*If you are, have been, will be, know of, in conjunction to, an attorney, I was speaking of those other ones. The ones who nobody likes because they’re bastards and mean and kick puppy dogs.
.
THOSE.
.
Not YOU.
.
I know you’re cool.
.
You know how I know?
.
Cuz you’re reading my blog.
Whoa! First!! I had to set my alarm for the middle of my 3rd REM so iwould not miss the honor. Back to sleep for me...
ReplyDeleteM
Now that i'm awake....
ReplyDeleteYou have to absolutly love those who know don't think they KNOW they are smarter than you.
I had a man today who could not understand his phone bill (which is fine they are printed as to confuse the shit out of you so that you don't question them)...
well after the 4th explination he stated. "I retired from a 6+ figure yearly salary in an executive job, you just don't know what you are talking about."
I refered his stupid ass to www.windstream.com/careers
seeing as how they will hire anyone!
Anyway since i'm not sleeping and all......
M
Don't worry, I never read your blog whilst I'm eating, just in case.
ReplyDeleteI love Bee the Public Servant, Good Samaritan,Friend, Guide & Mentor, she makes me want to sing.
ReplyDeleteI thought attorneys didn't eat but simply fed off blood from the living.
Guess I learn something new every day :)
I read your blog whilst slurping hot chocolate. Does that count?
ReplyDeleteIt's obvious to me why I hang out here. We are both obsessive neurotics. I can't stand smacky people on the phone and loud crunchers in person. The loud crunchers freakin always sit close to me at the theater and ruin it for me. Ditto for rude-candy-wrapper-unwrappers and their cellophane instruments of irritation.
ReplyDeleteI hate being subjected to gum cracklers, too. I mean is it too much to ask to close your mouth when chomping on gum? Is it too much to ask that you refrain from popping and clicking it, too? In the name of public decency I don't think it is.
I love masticating while I'm on the phone with people. If I'm careful, they never need to find out. It makes me feel so naughty.
ReplyDeleteI've masticated while on the phone.
ReplyDeleteWait a minute....
Ohhh!! MASTICATED.
Sorry.
That’s one of my biggest pet peeve’s! Why do people do that? Or when they are chewing gum and talking on the phone!!
ReplyDeleteI’ll take it a bit further. How about people that chew with their mouths open! I don’t freaking need to see your food while you are chewing it! And the sound that is made is even WORSE!!! I keep telling my little one that is how animals eat, specifically cows. In fact it’s a joke at our dinner table at times. Although it can be embarrassing when she tells other people to not chew like cow!
still having writers block so I'm not going to comment. I hate gum, when I have gum a masticate until my jaw is ready to fall off. I don't know when to stop I just masticate for hours. I think it sounds dirty to you because it sounds like mastur....I just had a flashback to my teens when it wasn't my jaw that hurt form masticating, it was my right arm and shoulder that hurt from mastur...I always wondered why my right arm is bigger and stonger.
ReplyDeleteeleventh !
ReplyDeleteI typed this with my left hand only.
snickering at what Dan said
ReplyDeleteon an unrelated issue, I hate hoes
What did hoes do to you jean Knee?
ReplyDeleteDoes this have to do with slip+but?
Am I clever or what???
K. I had a great comment that I typed earlier,but then my internet went out and I had to log back in.
ReplyDeleteAnd as I retyped my comment I realized that I misread something in your post and almost made a really big Arse out of myself.
So I have to go apologize to my modem for calling it very mean names.
;-)
ok. rickey henderson memed me (bastard). i didn't tag you, but i would appreciate your playing.
ReplyDeletethanks!
I, I, I, UM, I don't even know what to say. I was going to say something but after I read Dan's comment I, I uh.......
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete