Friday, January 11, 2008

The Cor-Ruts need friends.

-Day 11. Please wake me up from the
nightmare that has my Brad looking this ugly.-
So, Andy and I are having a "disagreement" on what the next movie we see should be.
He wants to see "I Am Legend" but I told him I work with whacked out zombified people everyday, why would I want to pay to sit in a confined dark place and see them 10 times larger than real life?!
I want to see 27 Dresses but he said something along the lines of having some sort of male parts I don't have but I wasn't very clear on what he meant.
Why don't we go see both movies? you ask. We don't want to. It's either one or the other. We are all about the "all or nothing" which is why we're having this blow out fight, I mean "disagreement".
This has brought us to the sad realization that we have no friends. I can't tell him, "why don't you go with Billy Bob and Bubba Jr. to see it?".
So, now we're taking applications to find our "going out friends". Here are a few questions.
Do you have access to a limo? [it's the only way I travel]
Will you have a problem with paying all the time? [don't look at it as a negative, you're paying for the honor of our company]
Do you have an endless supply of jokes? [we like to laugh since our life is usually humorless]
Will you relocate to Chicago? [a suburb is also acceptable but I'd prefer you move to a high rise condo in downtown Chicago]
Would you be willing to watch Rabid Tazz and Barky Mocha when we leave town. [don't worry, we might come back]
Will you help replant my garden? [and by help I mean do it all by yourself while I drink lemonade (margaritas)]
Do you have any Grey Poupon? [integral to the whole limo traveling]
That's all I have for now since Warden Andy is walking back forth saying he's going to unplug my laptop! I still have a bed time even though I'm this many->right hand-3, left hand-5.
Are you feeling sad for us right now? Don't! If our major issues are about the next movie we see, our life is going pretty good if not down right awesome-ly (except for that weird smell in our back porch).


  1. Seven straight "No"s (Admittedly I didn't understand the last question, which I think is therefore a "No". Does that mean I get to be an anti-friend? Or deadly enemy?

    Have you asked Brad Pitt?

  2. you need to lower your expextations, maybe that's why you have no friends ?

    I saw Juno, it was funny in a chick movie kind of way. I heard No country for old men is great.


  3. My MIL is right in your area, I'll sign her up, these are her uhm, assets
    1. she took a course (for real)on how to have a conversation so she now talks non-stop.
    2. she won't listen to your answers to her brilliantly planned questions and she'll ask the same question every time she sees you so... you can change your answers to keep things fun and she doesn't even notice
    3. her favorite topic What's your dream vacation? it has now become a family joke
    4.she likes to garden
    5.unfortunately she has no sense of humor whatsoever and never gets sarcasm

    I could go on but I've bored you enough

  4. Jean Knee:

    So you need to relocate to Chicago so that you can be Bee's dog-sitter (ideal with your canine correctional experience) and see more of your MIL... Seems like a win-win situation ;-)

  5. I would consider it but I don't like the cold and i couldn't possibly check Lean out of her school, my DNA test is still not back yet so we are stuck with the Mighty Fortress Primary for now

  6. I'll be your friend. In good times. In Bad times. I'll be on your side forever more.

    *cue the harmonica solo*

  7. Bee, I learned a long time ago that sometimes its difficult to have friends that live close to you because then you have to actually do stuff for them when its inconvenient for you. Yeah, its true. They'll ask you to watch their kids last minute and won't come back for hours. They'll be people who don't work at all but they'll call you while you're at work to bitch about how hard their life is. They might even hit on your man.

    All of these things have happened to me, Bee. Having real life friends is like signing on for another part-time job. :)

  8. Who needs friends when you have family??? :)

    Big Tex and I are on the same boat, so why not the 4 of us go out here and there.

    Think about it? You already know us and don't have to go through any awkward conversations of getting to know new people. In fact we don't even need to talk much. We can just sit there and laugh at the guys. You like my kid(s) and won’t have to deal with annoying kids that don’t behave and pretend to like them... Then of course we wont have to worry about some chick hitting on your or my husband...

    It’s a win - win situation.

  9. Nancy, will you move here and be my friend? I live in Texas

    Bring Bee too. I promise I won't hit your man even if he deserves it.

  10. Big Tex would love to go back home that's for sure...

    Bee is in Natalia land today. She might be tied up... Literally! :)

  11. Jean knee,

    Do you just want me for my sister?

  12. mostly, but not entirely. I also fell in love with your beautiful green complexion

  13. Well, I usually encourage watching a movie at home, since we buy movies and have a stack going (about 6) that we haven't seen yet. Only problem is that I/we(sometimes) end up falling asleep after about 30 minutes...

    Maybe we should try coffee and a movie instead of popcorn--or watching movies at 4 in the afternoon so that we won't fall asleep.

  14. We have learned that to stay awake thru the movie the starting time is integral. We now only watch brand new never before seen movies at around noon, with the previously viewed we know whats gonna happen crowd don't make an appearance until later in the day.

  15. I have imaginary friends. They always say nice things about me and want to do whatever I want to do, regardless of the risk or the cost. They can be a little bitchy sometimes, though, so you have to weigh that possibility against that of actual, real people.

  16. Did you see MOONLIGHT??!!!!???

    It was freakin great! I love the teaser for next week that he becomes human. Yummy!

  17. I'm so glad that the writer's strike isn't screwing around with the only show we really love. :)

  18. Brian:
    I'm disappointed, I'm not gonna lie.
    Brad Pitt is my friend only.

    I will not settle for anything other than perfection.

  19. jean knee:
    Nah, I'm good.
    Maybe you can move here after global warming hits us and we swap temps with Texas.

    If any woman dares hit on my Andy they'll be plucking teeth out of there stool. I used to have friends but then I got married and stop going out with them. Taking a shower was just too time consuming.

  20. Nancy:
    You're tired by 9pm and you know how I roll with all the late nights and what not. J/K ;o)

    Let me know how scary I am Legend is. ::shiver::

    You're letting people know how much of a fuddy duddy couple we are.

  21. FADKOG:
    Imaginary!! Why didn't I think of that? Only problem is... have you had many car accidents when they drive?

    It was AWESOME!

  22. :( Seems like I can't be your "going out friend", the answer was all "Nos" :(
    Seems like we can only be best blog friends *sigh*

    I best blog friend would tell you that I am Legend is not scary at all.

  23. NCS:
    It's a deal! Best blog friends it is! ;o)

    It's not scary? Really? How about jumpy scary, you know when you're sitting there minding your business and BAM!!! something jumps out?

  24. OK, Bee. We're there, except for conditions 1, 2 and 4. Let us know when you want to hook up.

  25. Frogster:
    TSSSSS! 2 and 4 were deal breakers!
    Although I'm pretty impressed that you have Grey Poupon...


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.