Thursday, January 24, 2008

Was women's lib a fib?? I'm setting the record straight!

-Day 24. In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.- Woody Allen
So…
“Slap my ass and call me a monkey’s uncle!”
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I was listening to my radio show (not mine as in I own it or am on it, just mine as in I listen to it every morning) and they said there is a law in 7 states, Illinois is one of them, that says a wife is a husband’s property
SAY-FREAKIN’-WHAT???

[Picture me doing the neck roll pointing finger move]
I ain’t nobody’s property! [Okay, I can't pull off the neck roll thing. I admit it.]
I don’t belong to my mom, my government much less MY HUSBAND!!
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It seems this is a law that was around in olden times and nobody has removed it from the books. How about we do that now? So much for woman’s liberation! Remove these shackles from me before I strangle someone with them.
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I think the law should be amended as follows:
“In the year of male-chauvinistic-asinine-rules, a decision was made to declare a wife as part of a man’s property. Now that we as humans are, to a certain extent, a tad more intelligent, we have realized the ridiculousness of this law and therefore declaring wives are not just assets to barter, sell, loan, give as gifts.
From this moment on we will declare everyday ending in “Y” “Wife’s Day”.

Wives throughout our land will be showered with gifts and love, but mainly gifts ranging from jewelry to shoes and more shoes.
Raise your Margarita glasses (or beverage of choice) and salute wives everywhere!"
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[APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE!!]
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You, YOU RIGHT THERE!
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By the powers vested in me authorized by people who will die if they oppose me (not so much die as be very irritated once I give them a million little paper cuts and then pour lime juice all over them) grant you your freedom!!!
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In the immortal words of William Wallace played by Mel Gibson "Blah Blah Tada Blah FREEDOM!"
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As you were.
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Don't forget to click for the cool chick. What do you mean "what cool chick?"? ME! ;o)


26 comments:

  1. and......I had no idea we were refered to as "property"!!!! I guess there hasn't been an issue forcing lawmakers to rethink this silly law. AND, I'm sure not many women out there are even aware of this law, I'm sure somebody would've done something about it-right? Where do I sign?

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  2. You, me and all the women in Illinois should march to Springfield and demand... uh... something.

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  3. Hi Bee!

    I'm leaving for more work. :(
    In the rain.:(
    And the cold. :(
    With a runny nose. :(
    And itchy armpits. :(

    See you manana

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  4. So, if a wife is the property of the husband...and in the divorce property gets divided...

    How's that work?

    One of those states has to be Arkansas, right? There's no other way to explain why Hillary is still with Bill.

    Poke

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  5. Old laws are great. I think they repealed all of ours 20 or 30 years ago, but until then there was one that said that something like every male over the age of 14 had to spend at least an hour a day practising archery. Another allowed husbands to "chastise" their wives.

    If husbands own wives, does that mean that the husbands are responsible and can get sued for their wives behaviour? Like dog owners? What's the legal procedure if you bite someone?

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  6. Oh the horror, I had to raise my glass of chocolate milk because I can;t have alcohol or caffeine.

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  7. well, Bee has Andy ever been sued after you bit someone??
    enquiring minds want to know.


    that law ain't in Texas is it?

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  8. First time visting and I love your blog. As for your post how can they seriously keep some of those crazy laws. And hell no to being anyone's property.

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  9. So.... is Illinois one of these states? Can we get a list?

    SC

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  10. Jean Knee
    Not sure if Texas is one of those states but I think it is against the law to be gay down there, as in homosexual....not that there's anything wrong with that.
    Dan

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  11. I'm not a homo, Dan. I just have man hair on one side.

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  12. Let me know if you need me to organize something for Texas too. I mean, isn't it time we get rid of all this stupid old laws??

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  13. B you've got " owened " like Esmeralda's brother.
    Dan

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  14. When I think of "property" I think plots of land, not women. I wonder what the law is in West Virginia. I'll have to look that up.
    Can they put us up for sale like real estate? Where would they put the sign?

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  15. I'm Free! I'm Free! I'm Free!

    Thank you so much my benevolent Bee :-D

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  16. I say: Good for us! It was about time.

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  17. Bee rocks!
    I propose we make her Queen of Women.

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  18. OWNED



    by me it seems

    muahaha
    muahaha
    MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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  19. Bee, remember your theme word slapped? now is a good time to whip it back out

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  20. Hmmm.
    Seems like Andy is fixin' to sleep on that couch tonight.

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  21. The Baptist Convention wanted ladies to take a vow that they would pledge full subservience to their husbands as leaders of their homes and vessels of God to direct the family in the way they should go.

    I am not a Baptist. :)

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Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.