Was women's lib a fib?? I'm setting the record straight!

-Day 24. In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.- Woody Allen

So…
“Slap my ass and call me a monkey’s uncle!”
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I was listening to my radio show (not mine as in I own it or am on it, just mine as in I listen to it every morning) and they said there is a law in 7 states, Illinois is one of them, that says a wife is a husband’s property…
SAY-FREAKIN’-WHAT???

[Picture me doing the neck roll pointing finger move]
I ain’t nobody’s property! [Okay, I can't pull off the neck roll thing. I admit it.]
I don’t belong to my mom, my government much less MY HUSBAND!!
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It seems this is a law that was around in olden times and nobody has removed it from the books. How about we do that now? So much for woman’s liberation! Remove these shackles from me before I strangle someone with them.
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I think the law should be amended as follows:
“In the year of male-chauvinistic-asinine-rules, a decision was made to declare a wife as part of a man’s property. Now that we as humans are, to a certain extent, a tad more intelligent, we have realized the ridiculousness of this law and therefore declaring wives are not just assets to barter, sell, loan, give as gifts.
From this moment on we will declare everyday ending in “Y” “Wife’s Day”.
Wives throughout our land will be showered with gifts and love, but mainly gifts ranging from jewelry to shoes and more shoes.
Raise your Margarita glasses (or beverage of choice) and salute wives everywhere!"
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[APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE!!]
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You, YOU RIGHT THERE!
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By the powers vested in me authorized by people who will die if they oppose me (not so much die as be very irritated once I give them a million little paper cuts and then pour lime juice all over them) grant you your freedom!!!
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In the immortal words of William Wallace played by Mel Gibson "Blah Blah Tada Blah FREEDOM!"
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As you were.
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