Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Bat Guano, not just for breakfast anymore.

-Day 22. I never smile when I have a bat in my hands. That's when you've got to be serious. When I get out on the field, nothing's a joke to me. I don't feel like I should walk around with a smile on my face.- Hank Aaron--- okay I know this quote is about a baseball bat but I feel the same way about MY bats, you know choking the life outta them with my bare hands...


So…
The halls of the Arkham Asylum have been rocked to their very core!
To. Their. Very. Core.
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Glynda has disappeared. She has vanished to the far reaches of her suburb never to return again! Well, unless OZ can grovel through human/dog/cat/skunk/etc shit and persuades her to come back. He might be able to pull it off. He is the Great and Powerful OZ after all!

Anyway, now all hell has broken loose, I am witnessing a power struggle the likes Bat History has never seen.
Being the forward preventive thinker I am (as in, I don’t have the cheery attitude it takes to withstand a stay in prison since I’d get shived a minute after I got there after ripping a bats head off) (either that or I'd befriend the guards and have them do my bidding which would cause such an uproar in prison, the prisoners would strike and not do their mandatory license plating duties and the DMV would be backed up with orders therefore creating vehicular chaos! Really, it's for the best that I stay amongst the civilians, the good of humanity if you will), I warned them that I was NOT taking any orders from anyone other than the big guy. Yup, Phillip Seymour Hoffman himself!

The most disturbing thing I witnessed was while at lunch.
OZ came in and told me about his buddy and the Margaritas he’d had ( I guess I have a rep for liking Margaritas,
I wonder where that came from?) and CL practically threw herself in front of me to get his attention.
Weird.
I slowly backed out of the room and let her have her moment in the spotlight (which lasted all of 3 seconds since he ran out of there faster than you can say, well, "bat". OR! Faster than a bat out of hell...)
When I described CL's behavior to Milton, I used the following words, much to Mrs. Novinger's (my English teacher) pride I'm sure, I said she was overly effusive. Hheh? Are you impressed?? I didn't even know I knew what that meant until I said it!
The little things that make me happy.

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Honestly, even though my life will be miserable-er here for a while, I hope she does stay gone. OZ treated her like his own personal toilet paper. And not to blot the sweat from his face, think lower.
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Thank you for reading another excerpt of my daily horror stories! Y'all clicky on the lil' icon so I can stay in the top thirty please!

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Okay, this Hank Aaron dude totally rocked! Here's another quote: The pitcher has got only a ball. I've got a bat. So the percentage in weapons is in my favor and I let the fellow with the ball do the fretting.-
Hank Aaron

13 comments:

  1. I could describe how I was impressed by your command of the English language, but I wouldn't want to be overly effusive.

    Who wipes their feet with toilet paper???

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  2. So are you up for a promotion ?
    Brian
    I think she meant the stink hole.

    Dan

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  3. I feel bad for pitchers and their one ball too. I wonder how they manage to father children?

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  4. Maybe Glynda's New Year Resolution was to find a place that would treat her with the dignity and respect that she deserved.

    A place where they'll consider their own personal moist towelette. Hey, it's a step up from being someones toilet paper.

    ReplyDelete
  5. the stink hole: something else to think about today, thanks Dan


    Remember, in order to kill a bat you'd have to touch it even though you have those Mr. Freeze hands you could still catch something. It's just not satisfying to murder with a weapon, so impersonal and all.

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  6. Brian:
    Thanks! I was pretty impressed with myself too! But then I always am.

    Dan:
    No way in hell would I take that job. He belives in treating you like shit then telling you how lucky you are to be working for him.

    Elastic:
    Yes, let's pray for them...

    EWBL:
    I hope she finds a good place. She was too nice and I'm proud that she had the strength to leave.

    jean knee:
    You're right, but I think they've had their rabbies shots.

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  7. NO FUCKIN WAY BEE!!! HE FINALLY DROVE HER TO QUIT??
    Maybe I should apply for the position ‡0Ð

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  8. Bat History. I want to know more.
    Who knew working would be so entertaining.

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  9. PETA: disgusting animal divisionJanuary 22, 2008 at 9:43 PM

    It is not ethically or legally permissable to kill a bat with your hands.

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  10. lol, yes, "that Hank Aaron dude totally rocked"...

    ...he still does in fact, you know, being alive and whatnot.

    Anyone else a little creeped out by the bat & arkham talk after what went down yesterday? Eerie.

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  11. BD:
    Yup! He did it! The funny thing is he blames her because she's "over-reacting"... >:o[

    NCS:
    If you're missing The Office, you can come and hang out with me. Bring popcorn. :o)

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  12. PETA: disgusting animal division:
    How about Peta members?

    RH:
    Ooops! I offed the baseball dude? My bad!
    Now that you mention creepy... ::shiver::

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  13. I predict just like in comicdom when Superman was slain by Doomsday, there will be 4 new Glynda's arising from the ashes somewhat akin to the birth of a phoenix. One will be someone trying to fill in, one will be an evil cyborg, one will be a young former sidekick not up to the challenge, & the other shall remain a mystery.

    In the end however, holding true to legend the original Glynda shall return altho not quite as powerful & with new clothes.

    :)

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Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.