-Day 29. George likes spicy chicken. George is getting upset!- George Costanza
****This post is dedicated to Rickey Henderson real and George Costanza fictional. Since it’s dedicated to a real and a fictional person, this post will be real AND fictional. The writer leaves it up to you to decide which is which. It will also be written in the third person.****
The Squirrely Queen.
Bee was walking thru the park the other day and came across an angry squirrel. When Bee questioned the reason for its ire, the squirrel told her his sad tale.
Once upon a time, there was a Squirrel Queen who decided all male squirrels were to have their tails shaved every March 17th. What was the reason for this humiliation? Since their society was governed by females, the Queen believed all male squirrels needed to be taken down a couple of pegs to remind them who was boss. He resisted, therefore was banished from the Squirrely Kingdom to our world where he has to forage for food and fight off birds, raccoons, cats and dogs. Very sad.
Bee, being the gentle, generous, kind hearted, almost scientologist that she is, decided to help the poor squirrel.
Bee took him to her house, gave him a bath (jealous?), fed him and let him roam free in her backyard.
Bee knows what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, she's insane since squirrels have all sorts of diseases and are just a step up from rats. You’re asking why Bee is wasting her time and she should spend it volunteering at animal shelters where they have cats and dogs which are REAL pets. You’re also wondering why you should give a crap about a squirrel.
Well, her esteemed readers, you’re right! Bee’s gonna go outside right now and feed that squirrel to her dogs! No, not really. WWTCD? Are you lost? Would you like Bee to explain the whys of this post.*
Compassion? WTF is that?
Has Bee told you Purple Dino-SOUR’s daughter had a baby girl? No? Bee’s sorry. She should have posted about this ASAP. Anyway, the poor girl is in ICU and has been in the hospital for a week.
Her baby gets to go home with daddy but she has to stay, which is very sad, but this means PD will be taking time off.
FROM FEBRUARY TO APRIL!!
When informed of this sad state of affairs, Bee asked (fearing the worst), “Who’s going to take over her duties?”
The responses she got were so illogical that it made her want to take every single one of her coworkers heads a-la 3 Stooges and knock them together! There would be no cerebral damage because... well, they have pea sized brains. It's not like PD was even there!
“How could you ask that at a time like this?”
“You know, our priority is praying that PD Junior comes out okay!”
“You don’t know how it feels because you’re not a mother!”
You’re right! Bee has no clue what compassion is because she’s never had something the size of a big chicken shoot out of her lady parts! Bee hopes she does well but she’s never met the woman. Bee's priority is to not get screwed in a very uncomfortable place (no, not the back of a Volkswagen)! A-gain!
Bee's just sayin’.
Can someone please tell Bee why offices do not stock the other type of liquid paper? The non-liquid paper. Do you know the one Bee's talking about? The kind that looks like little lines of tape. Who in their right mind uses the old liquid paper? Or is it maybe that Bee is a complete moron and unable to operate a little bottle with a tiny sponge? Whatever people! Let's move into the 21st century already!!
Word of warning, Bee is feeling extremely cranky because of all the shit going on in her life right now and doesn't know how long it will last.Could be a day could be a year. But it will always be entertaining!
* Here it is: It's not supposed to make sense. WWTCD=What Would Tom Cruise Do?
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