Friday, January 25, 2008

Green- beans, peas, broccoli...poop??

-Day 25. I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.- Mel Brooks


So...

I checked my Sitemeter the other day and was amused to find that the number one search that brought people to my humble little blogus wasn't anything porn related. I know you're disappointed but the search was actually people worried about "green poop".
YUP! G-R-E-E-N P-O-O-P!
All because of this post!



Here are the questions exactly as typed. I decided to answer them since I'm a public servant of humanity and all.



********Please note I am a medical expert because I work in a doctor's office and therefore know it all. I mean, I don't handle any of the patient... stuff but I hear things that are sometimes useful medically, kinda.********

::deep breath:: Here we go!



do eating dates turn your poop green?
Well it can't help! Now, these dates you eat, is it after you've bought them dinner? Because if they had a yucky Mint Milkshake this might contribute to your green colored poop. You might want to say the following to them "I plan on having you for a snack later, please do not ingest any Mint Milkshakes."

Oz green poop
Are you telling me he has green poop? Are you asking me IF he has green poop? I need you to come back and clarify because I don't want to answer your question incorrectly. And plus, as far as the little piece of my mind that is still sane (really small piece) is concerned, OZ doesn't have any bodily functions what-so-ever!

what would make poop green?
Well eating dates is one way as per the fellow above states. Also eating green bagels. Don't eat those because then a family of Fungusses will make their home in your tummy and you will spew like jean knee's peeps!


pregnant green poop
A long time ago there was a show called Ripley's Believe It or Not. They also had a traveling museum and I believe still have one in Canada. The reason I'm telling you this is because if your have pregnant green poop, I'd try to make some money by selling it to a museum or traveling circus before it has it's babies.

can eating too much broccoli cause green poop?
No, I think you're confused. Broccoli is good for your poop but beware of carrots, they make your poop orange.


why is my poop green when I'm sick?
Maybe you're halucinating, how many fingers am I holding up? Wrong! It was 17! Take two green skittles and call me in the morning.

smart price wine gums
Sorry, how'd that get in there? Brian, was that you?

why is some poop green?
Crayons. Eating too many green crayons can make poop green so stay away from those. Also stay away from Blue and Yellow, try Red or maybe Purple.

.

Alrighty, any other questions let me know!

Click please! :o)

Other searches included "pink pig butt"... ???????

19 comments:

  1. My favorite color is green. I love green in all its natural surroundings....except for in my poop.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I heard the Incredible Hulk poops green too.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Natalia mk II:

    That's good news. Congratulations Nancy! Have they got a name lined up yet?

    Searches:

    None of them were me - I already know how to find your blog. I suspect you're no less well qualified than a lot of the so-called "doctors" who dole out advice on TV and the internet.

    Personally I don't spend a lot of time examining my waste products - some people have got too much time.

    You could try dying all your food a particular colour, say lilac, and seeing what you get.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Take it from me, eating red crayons is not any better and it scares the shit out of an unsuspecting mother (that mother would be me).
    Peter ate a red crayon and it came out way brighter than it went in. And as I said before, it scared the shit out of me.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm eating all the colors of the rainbow crayons and making some kind of contemporary art painting and selling it on e-bay. I bet you some idiot would buy it.
    I'll call it.
    " Hope, in a world of shit "
    Dan

    ReplyDelete
  6. seventh !!!
    There's a human on Mars !!!
    Dan
    Slow day at work

    ReplyDelete
  7. I want to know more about the pink pig butt

    I knew the baby was a girl


    Oh come on Brian, you can tell the future by examining your poop. read-- Running with Scissors--in it this kid's shrink sends out a newsletter about what his poop is predicting to all his patients---and it's true story

    ReplyDelete
  8. Jean Knee:

    not having your skill or accuracy with the future, I doubt I'd be any good. In fact, I'm sure I'd be crap at it.

    Have you been able to make any predictions from all the spew?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thanks Brian!

    Yup! Sofia... and it appears my brothers had the same name "reserved" for their future daughters. They where actually hoping for a boy so they could keep the name!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Dan...

    EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!! That's gross!!! But I bet you are right, some idiot would spend the $$ for it...

    ReplyDelete
  11. Sorry Bee, I'm the one that keeps looking for pink pig butts. They're a delicacy in Poland.
    Did you get my resume? I can't wait to be your boss! ‡oÐ

    ReplyDelete
  12. CONGRATUALTIONS NANCY!! Bee said she's going to be Sofia Bianca???

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks!

    Sofia Bianca? Nope.. No Bianca...

    But I'm still looking for a middle name. I mean Big Tex is looking for the middle name that will of ocurse have to be approved by me. :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. My kids ate green chocolate syrup at my Mom's once, which I wasn't aware of until the screams rang out through the house when my youngest ran from the bathroom, pants at ankles, to inform me.

    I wouldn't eat a date until at least the fourth one. Just courtesy, really.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Wow.
    You are a fountain of information and knowledge.

    ReplyDelete
  16. green peas internationalJanuary 25, 2008 at 11:29 PM

    We approve!

    ReplyDelete
  17. green boogers under the couchJanuary 25, 2008 at 11:41 PM

    we approve!!

    ReplyDelete

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.