Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Things that make me go Hmmmmmm...

I was watching the news last night and they were talking some nonsense about women and menopause (not that menopause is nonsense and I know that when it's my lucky time to GO THRU THE CHANGE I will be all whiny and bitchy and moany and... hey! maybe that's what I've been training for my whole life!).
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I wasn't paying attention because the knitting needles in my ears were distracting me but I found something interesting in the way the news cameras focused on the women in their report.
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When they talk about obesity, they show people's butts, their bellies, their arms but never their faces. This is understandable since they'd face lawsuits from irate chubby peeps.
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When they talk about teenagers smoking or teenagers having sex or whatever else teenagers do that makes me want to stock up on all sorts of birth control, they show them sitting in parks with their backpacks or messenger bags just chillin' never their faces because they're minors.
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When they showed the women regarding menopause? THEY SHOWED THEIR FEET!
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THEIR. FEET.
Sometimes you'd get a flash of knee so you knew the feet were attached to something but what the hell is that about???
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Granted, I wouldn't want crotch shots of random women but what is the purpose of showing their feet?
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As far as I'm concerned, this does not represent menopausal women. This represents their lack of fashion sense and unfortunate choices in picking out shoes but I can't really tell if the woman they just showed is 18 or 55.
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Don't ask me what the menopausal thing was about because I was too busy bitching about the county tax that goes into effect toDAY. Freakin' governMENTAL bastards!
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Luckily, I only live a few miles from another county so take that you butt munchers!
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What the fuck is an Environmental Chemist?? Are we just making up titles now??
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Before you tell me what it is, this guy they interviewed was talking about a hawk's nest they found on some billboard.
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Overheated billboard worker #1:
"Harry! I just found a Hawk's nest on the new Gentleman's Club billboard! It's just beneath the hoochies left tata!"
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Overheated billboard worker #2:
"Don't touch it Ron! We MUST call the Environmental Chemist! He'll know what to do!"
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Environmental Chemist:
"Don't move it!"
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The end.
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I can do that shit!

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My last question:
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Who is stupid enough to text while driving??
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Do you want to die? Why on earth would someone think,
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"I know driving requires me to keep my eyes on the road but I'm sure I"ll be okay if I look away for a couple of minutes to let Donna know I'm running a little late and not to wear that green shirt that makes her look like she's gonna hurl."
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Minutes later...
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"What the...! When did that tree sprout up in front of me??"
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My prayer is that there is always a tree to stop you and not some poor unsuspecting victim that uses common sense while driving, walking, living!
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::sigh::
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Maybe I shouldn't semi-watch the news. (DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE GUY WHO BOUGHT PUFFER FISH VENOM!)
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I should just go over to Humor-Blogs and get some laughs.
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P.S.
If there are any governMENTALS reading this, I didn't mean you. I meant the governMENTALS in war torn countries. Not you. You know exactly what we need! A good stick in the ass benefits everybody!
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P.P.S.
This post was brought to you with ZERO amounts of coffee. I'm going to get it now, want some?

21 comments:

  1. I read awhile back that in London they were installing big pads on light poles because texting pedestrians kept crashing into them.

    ReplyDelete
  2. menopause...why are the men pausing? I never did get that...but there must be a foot tie in for it now. I'll call an environmental chemist and ask...

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  3. how dare you taunt me with that coffee comment.

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  4. I must start watching the news, you make it sound so much more interesting than it really is, maybe even comical

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  5. still snorting into my, uh, hot chocolate with bunny shaped marshmallows.


    I'm so bad assed

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  6. I had a hysterectomy so apparently I get to look forward to an EARLY menopause. Can hardly wait! I'll be sure to fill you in on all my own personal bitchiness.

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  7. Marie:
    British people ARE NOT to be trusted.

    VE:
    Ha! Men pausing, there is nothing new there. You sometimes have to hit them over the head with something so they could keep moving. ;o)

    jean knee:
    Mmmmm coffeeeeeee.

    I'll sit next to you while we watch the news and you can hear my commentary. Usually it's just Tazz and Mocha so having a human there might make it more interesting.

    ALICE!:
    You don not want to know some of the things you will experience!

    As seen in this post called One, Two, Three

    ReplyDelete
  8. Even women without feet go through the menopause. Don't they?

    It's amazing what people will do when driving. I'm told.

    They shouldn't put pads on lamp-posts, they should put large sharp spikes. That would be much more effective if they want to stop people bumping into them.

    I'll ignore that offensive remark...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Re: Texting while driving. That would be my brother-in-law. He's the purest definition of dumbass.

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  10. Mas Coebell drummerJuly 1, 2008 at 12:15 PM

    watch out, I know where you live. I ain't a fake

    ReplyDelete
  11. Trust this Brit to be

    E L E V E N T H !

    H A !

    ReplyDelete
  12. Maybe menopausal women only wear sensible shoes. If such is the case, I went through menopause a year ago. The PMS can stop anytime, thanks.

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  13. Brian:
    Yes, women without feet go through menopause too... I think.

    Why, whatever are you talking about?? What offensive comment?

    Sornie:
    I'm hoping your BIL does not live around my area.

    MCD:
    You are an imposter!

    Brian:
    Oh! Cuz you're BRITISH!! Beware! The 4th of July is coming to a city near you!

    FADKOG:
    You always know how to make me cry. :o(

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  14. what part of women should they show then?

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  15. My feet are hot right now. What does that mean again?

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  16. I wonder what the realtion between men-o-pausing and feet is.

    Hmmm.
    Must call the Environmental Chemist. I bet he knows the answer.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I am here to atest that menopause has NOTHING to do with a womans feet. I was lucky enough to be a teenager still living with my mother when she started going through menopause.
    Here are my suggestions for pictures of menopause:

    1. The Incredible Hulk but madder looking and veinier.
    2. A woman pulling her hair out.
    3. Things flying at your face because she's throwing them at you.
    4. An open mouth because she was always yelling.
    5. Her walking around in shorts and a tank top while the rest of us are in snowsuits in the house because she's having a hotflash so she's turned the air on and it's like 60 degrees in the house in the middle of January and it's snowing but it's probably warmer outside than it is IN YOUR HOUSE.

    It occurs to me that I may be a little bit scarred from my mother going through menopause. Please disregard my whiney rant. The news should show feet. Yeah, that's it.

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  18. Feet? The report was obviously sponsored by a shoe company. (and now you're part of the promotion)

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  19. Why couldn't that have been an owl nest? Reporting a giant nest of hooters right above a Hooter's billboard would have been classic.

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  20. Dan:
    I would be okay with them showing the whole body minus the head or maybe a woma sitting at her doctor's office.

    justacoolcat:
    That you need to buy your wife chocolate.

    NCS:
    No, don't get tricked by him. He an imposter!

    Tracy:
    My mom had a hisstornectome and she didn't go thru any of that. We were lucky! ;o)

    Meg:
    The shoe industry is my Raison d'être. My work here is done.

    EWBL:
    Ah yes, the mighty spotted hooters.

    ReplyDelete
  21. 1. I'm a governMENTAL but no offence taken, I have to pay the f*%#ing taxes, too.

    2. I would LOVE a cup of coffee, I just finished this pot.

    3. A governmental chemist is a person who is legally permitted to make methamphetamines in his garage while his children play unsuspectingly in the house all in the name of research.

    4. I have no idea why they show shoes when speaking of menopause but if they don't explain themselves soon I'm taking a Louisville Slugger to the bastard reporting.

    5. No I'm not going through menopause.......yet.

    ReplyDelete

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.