The love of my life still makes me blush...

A long time ago, Andy and I established a few rules when out in public. I know what you're thinking, aren't you two civilized enough to interact with the rest of society without making complete fools of yourselves???

No.

I OVERREACT to everything and he underreacts to everything which then causes us to have mini whispering battles on who is the biggest idiot. He usually wins the honor of King of Idiotomland but he might tell you it's the other way around.

Anyway, the first time we were going to meet Crazy Ez, at the time she was just Esmeralda, I told Andy that there were certain topics he couldn't talk about. At that precise moment in time, he was addicted to some shooting game and was busy trying to save the world from guys moving in slow motion. He couldn't be bothered to look away from the computer screen to have a decent conversation with his wife so he just said "Just tell me to shut up if I say something wrong- FRAG OUT!!"

Bee:
Sweetie honey pie sugar lamb, it will look odd if, upon meeting my Bros new girlfriend, I keep sayin 'SHUT UP ANDY!' because we both know that's how the evening will start AND end.

Andy:
... ::shrugs::

Bee:
How about this, we have some sort of code word we can use kind of like the one we have for when we want to leave a party, family gathering, Dan's presence(*EYEBALLS*).

Andy:
... [bobbing his head around like a boxer, looking for the hidden enemy] ::nods::

Bee:
How about sparkplug??

Andy:
'kay.

Fast forward to that evening and the word sparkplug was sprinkled liberally throughout dinner. Esmeralda, being the sharp as a Ginsu knife girl she is (you know she's a school teacher right? A CHICAGO PUBLIC SCHOOL TEACHER), finally noticed how I would turretsly yell out SPARKPLUG! and then Andy would clam up.

Crazy Ez:
Uh, what's going on?

Since she was so cool, we came clean and had a big laugh.

The reason I'm telling you this story is because Andy Husband and I still have codes for when we can't say what we want due to objects in the form of bodies with ears overhearing our convos. By now, SEVEN LONG YEARS into the marriage, you'd figure Andy would get something is up but I can't talk about it AT THE MOMENT.

Well, let me take you back to Tuesday, July 29th.
Tuesdays have become our laundry days but I wasn't feeling well. I called Andy to ask him if we could reschedule to Thursday.

Andy:
What's wrong?

Bee:
I'm not feeling well.

Andy:
Is it your head again.

Bee:
No.

Andy:
Welllll???

Bee:
I just don't feel good.

Andy:
Did you sleep okay?

Bee: [IRRITATED]
No but that's not IT!

Andy:
Are you tired??

Bee:
::whispers:: No, my stomach hurts.

Andy:
Oh. Cramps?

Bee:
NO! I'M HANGING UP NOW!

Andy:
No, no. Are you okay? Is it your ulcers?

Bee:
OH MY GOD! I HAVE TO KEEP GOING TO THE BATHROOM SO I DON'T WANT TO USE THE PUBLIC ONE AT THE MAT, OKAY?? ARE YOU HAPPY?? NOW EVERYBODY IS STARING AT ME!!

Andy:
Oh, so you have to go poopsie? Is you wittle booty hurtin' from going poopsie?

Bee:
Fucker. [hangs up]

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So, I think we need a code word for "you are being a gigantic ass and I want to start seeing other people!", any ideas?