Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Happy in marriage happy online. (OR REVERSED)

Oh my gawd you guys!!!

I just noticed one of my arms is darker than the other!

I know what you’re thinking “Big deal it happens to everybody!”

No. Not like this!

One arm looks like I’m Erik Estrada’s long lost sister (in his Ponch days) and the other one looks like I bought it off of Christina Ricci’s stolen appendages store (look for it on Ebay)!

Oh well. Enough melodrama.

I want to thank all of y’all rockin’ readers that voted for me at H-B. You guys are the monkey’s banana-ass!




Also, I feel like a total star cuz I got the FIRST EVER (in the history of H-B) SAD FACE from an asswipe by the name of “Caleb”. That makes me feel like Angelina Jolie’s better looking sister. So, even though Caleb is not his real name, his asshole-ness is real enough. (But I’m not bitter)
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FUCKER!

Moving on.
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I've been complaining to Andy about my laptop being s l o w for a while but he's been so busy saving the world from 3 legged Orcs that my issues have not been his top priority.


I got sick and tired of looking at porn blogs while the freakin' thing dragged so I told him, he fixes it or I leave him. Weirdly, this threat worked! Who knew he'd want me around?

Anyway, Andy and I make up the perfect couple. I'm savvy when it comes to html (sort of) and downloads and up loads and shit loads but he's good at maintaining viruses and spy stuff off our computers.

This was our conversation today:

Andy:
Bee! I want to send you a video, how do I do it?

Bee:
Embed it and email it to me.

Andy:
Wah??

Bee:
Click where it says embed. Hit copy. Open your e-mail. Why are you clicking on my name once and just staring? Either hit create or double click! Okay now type something and then click on the insert hyperlink. No, not there! There! Okay now control V. Okay send.
Easy right?
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Later, when he's diagnosing my laptop.
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Andy:
How many times have you defragglerocked the thrombosis?

Bee:
Dewhat the what now?

Andy:
You've got to dehootermuhfy the dagibagib.

Bee:
You know what? How about you just do it and we be done with it?
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What I'm trying to say is, I am now reading your blogs at the speed of light thanks to my defragglerockzation!




Later chivatos!
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Andy? Can I go to the movies with my sister? It starts at 9pm. Just Nancy and I. No, we're not going to a bar. Just a movie. We're going to see Get Smart. I know it'll let out late and it'll be passed my bedtime but- ... Oh come on! We're not gonna go trolling for dudes! She JUST had a baby and I'm kind of attached to you!
...

...
Hey!

Are you guys still here eavesdropping?? Go home already! (yes, he did *let* me go)

41 comments:

  1. A guy named Caleb, anonymous you say? Well those of us with super powers (and geeky friends who hack) think otherwise.

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  2. I AM FIRST!!!! WHOOO-HOOOO

    I'm glad he let you go. I didn't want this to be my first time at the movies alone...

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  3. HEEEEEYYYY!!!!

    I guess Suzy types faster than I!

    I'm sad now... :(

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  4. thanks for the laugh tonight! great post! P.S. Caleb prolly lives with his mother and picks his nose all day.P.S.S...I finally got the feed right for my blog...for the love of Bill Gates I really need a vallium after all that computer nonsense!

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  5. I once knew a man named Caleb. He's probably sad cause he knows me.

    BTW, it has been ages since I defragglerocked my thrombosis. I guess that's why the rash is clearing up.

    Poke

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  6. As the Lord of Humor-Blogs, I am sworn to secrecy regarding Caleb's identity. I can confirm, however, that he does in fact live with his mother and pick his nose all day.

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  7. iz bout time you get some color gfriend!

    why do you always get the jagoffs? i like how they never have balls to confront you and youre so tiny! i'd put you in my pocket but then youd kick my ass!

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  8. : (

    That's how I feel about what I will now refer to as "the incident".

    Stupid smileys.

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  9. I just hope that the world doesn't disappear one day because your blogging made Andy's connection too slow to save it...

    People who don't use Microsoft are always amused about the rest of you having to defrag things (since our disks aren't supposed to fragment in the first place). You must be about the only people in the world who like it since it helps keep your marriage going ;-)

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  10. HELLO!!!!!

    Oh Bee, I've missed you! But I'm back now so everyone can take a huge sigh of relief!

    Hey, can I borrow Andy to defraggle my hooblybob? My laptop is so slow and my husband says he's too busy to fix it and I don't know what to do with it! I'll pay for Andy's shipping if you do it the 7-10 day shipping, not express! The post office are robbers!

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  11. Oh and 11th! YES! First day back!

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  12. Defragging saved my marriage. Plain and simple. Defragging and pretending to enjoy Battlestar Galactica.

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  13. LOL I do a disc cleanup and defrag once a week. I miss the old defraggers though, where you could sit and watch it go through all the files like a game of spectator linear tetris. It was mezmerizing.

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  14. Suzy:
    Ha ha! That's okay cuz I'll be known as the first person with the first ever Sad Face! Woohoo!!

    Nancy:
    Suzy is FAST! Movie was good, thanks for buying! Also, it had been a long time since I was out at 11:00 pm wow!

    April:
    Glad you got it sorted!

    Poke:
    Caleb was born sad I don't think you had anything to do with his lack of penis.

    Diesel:
    Sad.
    Then we should feel pity for him.

    BD:
    Hey! I've got a nice pale hue to me!

    Nobody puts me in there pocket and lives to tell about it!

    Alice:
    Please, give us more info!

    Brian:
    I know you're trying very hard to insult me but the jokes on you because I don't understand smart British people. :op

    Tracy:
    I. HAVE. MISSED. YOU!
    And I was worried!
    I'll send Andy right on over but I have to warn you, he will keep scolding you the whole time.

    Jacki:
    The movie was better the second time. Maybe it was my sister laughing like a loon. Maybe it was The Rock lookin' finer each passing moment.

    FADKOG:
    With us it's Star Wars.

    Marie:
    ONCE A WEEK??? I’ve had my laptop for about 9 months and hadn’t done it once. I blame Andy.

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  15. The cure for your different colored arms: Wear a sleeve (just a cut-off sleeve) on the Ponch arm. Let the Ricci arm get the sun.
    That's the way taxi drivers do it in Mehikoh and it works for them.

    De nada.

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  16. What about me Bee?
    Did you miss ME?

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  17. Have you read this story?
    What do you think, real or shenaningans?

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  18. I was wondering when the first hater would strike at H-B.

    I need to defrag also but I get the message there isn't enough disc space to do it. I have no clue how to overcome that. Sure I could delete some stuff but what? Where? oy. I guess I need to call the geek squad for a visit.

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  19. find that caleb, Bee. then we'll ridicule the size of his, uhm, member.

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  20. Too many things here I LOL-ed about to singel any one of them out. OK, the "F&CKER" caption, the defragamalater thingambob, for starters.

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  21. I'm wondering if I could borrow Andy myself. Does he also move large furniture?

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  22. Fraggle Rock.

    I just got it, after only half an hour.

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  23. I was going to give you a bad rating too because your blog post wasn't available in 18 different languages...how USA centrix of you!

    But I'm a nice guy so even though it wasn't in the Ket language spoken in central Siberia, I'm ok with it...I babel fished it and it's about Caleb the porn broker, right?

    Oh, and that whole ctrl-alt-delete thing...is that just some kind of sick engineer joke paying a tribute to twister?

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  24. Send Andy to fix my fraggleizer would ya?

    Thanks.

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  25. I've decided not to scroll down far enough to see the asshole faces. However, since many of mine only have my hit, this is not easy.

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  26. Saving the world from 3-legged orcs is only what I do in my time off from saving the world from parakeets that control the minds of motorists that don't drive well.

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  27. Brr
    I saw your arms today and one was sllot more hair then the other, that's why it's darker.

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  28. secrety messengersJuly 9, 2008 at 9:40 PM

    The sparrow flies at midnight

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  29. NCS:
    You are a brilliant person. Now I know why you're always so happy!

    I MISSED YOU TOO!

    Did you see me lurking in your vacation town? I was the one with the red shirt.

    The bat story is true. They're always trying to get into somebody's bra.

    Daniel:
    I am always the lucky one! ;o)
    Buy a portable hard drive dohickey and put your stuff on there so you can defraggle in peace. That's what Andy did for me.

    jean knee:
    Maybe we can buy him a strap on to make him feel more manly? I'll do it though, I know you're SHY!

    NG in Panties:
    Glad you LOL'd!

    ...

    Now I want a lolli.

    Meg:
    Yes he does. Sometimes I come home and the couch is in the bathroom and I'm all "Dude! The toilet is uncomfortable ENOUGH!"

    Kevin:
    Down at fraggle rock.
    DOWN AT FRAGGLE ROCK! :o)

    VE:
    You're right! What was I thinking! I'm keeping my BRILLIANT Musings from MILLIONS! I'll tell my boss so she can look into it.

    Anddi:
    Andy will be on his way! Man! I think I'm gonna start my own business loaning out my hus- wait a minute! ;o)

    Don:
    There are too many assholes out there! And the people that they're attached to aren't so nice either!
    ;op

    Andy:
    BWAHAHAHAHA! You so funny!!

    Dan:
    Are you cold? What's with the "Brr"?
    Anyway, I DO NOT HAVE HAIRY ARMS!! MAYBE YOU WERE LOOKING AT YOUR OWN GORILLA ARM??
    Packer's fan!

    SM:
    The bat and the fly had a baby.
    Murciosca

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  30. I will have you know that I smiley faced this post before ever reading it.

    Now I am sure that I made the right choice, that was hilarious. Glad you got all defraggled n' stuff! :)

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  31. defragglerocked dagibagibJuly 10, 2008 at 1:20 AM

    Why is dan calling you Brr?
    Is that your real name?!?

    PS: The fly, the croc and the platypus swim at midnight.
    (Except for the fly, because it can't swim)

    ReplyDelete
  32. Lucky Andy....

    I'm the HTML person AND the spyware cleaner upper.....

    I think it's awesome how you two share responsibilities ;)

    I heard that movie suuuuucked.

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  33. You're nutty. I like nutty. Keep up the good work.

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  34. Obviously CALEB is a bitch.

    Oh and of course-- Jealous.


    Fuck off caleb.

    Bee- was that too harsh? lol.

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  35. Dang... I almost got you to send him!

    *calls geeksquad*

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  36. WOO HOO - 37th!!!

    Andy rocks!

    Glad you got to go to the movies - was Dwayne Johnson as hot as ever?

    New club, we're all members: The FCCAIWEFOWHIWAKHA Club

    The Fuck Caleb Club And If We Ever Find Out Who He Is We'll All Kick His Ass Club

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  37. Chelle B:
    Cuz you rock! Thanks! ;o)

    defragglerocked dagibagib:
    Dan's moon sets in the east. Butt don't tell Dan.

    Slick:
    The movie had The Rock in it. I didn't notice anything else. ;o)

    The Nemesing One:
    Why thank you. Peanut is my nickname. Sort of.

    Sarah:
    PERFECT!!

    Anndi:
    Ha! Maybe next time! :o)

    Queen Goob:
    THE ROCK WAS SIZZZLING HOT!!

    Big fan of the FCCAIWEFOWHIWAKHA Club! :o)

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  38. Diesel's comment was boss!

    Yeah...take that, Caleb! You see what our evil humor blog Overlord thinks of you now!

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  39. I don't know why you're pissing and moaning about arm skin color imbalance. I got bigger problems. One arm is significantly MORE hairy than the other arm. I look like I'm only halfway through the gorilla evolution process.

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  40. since you deserve it ,thats why we voted for you.

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Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.