Monday, June 30, 2008

Can I hire TWO hotties??

After my Friday boxing match meeting with OZ, (where he wondered why certain accounts are not being worked on and I responded by saying that the cloning machine was defective, it did not produce 20 Bees like I had hoped but it did clear up my complexion) he has now given me authorization to hire my summer assistant.

At first, I was a little upset because this would mean I’d have to dedicate valuable time to training a newbie in the art of Office Bat Mocking… I just don’t have the energy for it.

Then, I became angry because it would totally cut into my blog reading and we all know this is what keeps me, in a harmonious balance nobody alive would benefit by shifting, both sane and insane. Can you imagine me sane? Neither can I.

After listing the pros and cons, I’ve decided to be happy for the chance of corrupting another young mind.

Here is a small list of duties I came up with:

Get here on time to sign me in (where he will wait half an hour for me to arrive but that’s okay because he can make coffee while waiting).

Dust my desk (you’re probably thinking this is an easy task but he would have to move all my junk meticulous files and then put them back exactly where they were)

Once I arrive, get my coffee. (I’d do it myself but I’d already be running late)

Heat up my lunch.

Take Mocha to the groomers.

Take my clothes to the dry-cleaners.

Pick it up when it’s ready.


Uh, this is all I have for now. I would like to add that I’m hoping the following people apply for this coveted position:
Brad Pitt
Orlando Bloom
Ryan Reynolds
David Beckham
Any other hot actors/musicians/sports dudes

If you know any of them and think they would be willing to work for minimum wage and doing menial tasks, let them know to fax their résumés with a picture of themselves in provocative poses to my attention.
Maybe somebody over at Humor-Blogs would like to apply to be my whipping boy?

I’m just kidding. They wouldn’t have to get my coffee. Everybody knows I’m very particular about how I drink my coffee.

An added bonus is that I am a very cool boss. Very cool. And fun.
I am a tad impatient.


  1. Maybe you could get your assistant to write some of your blog posts - if you train him well enough we shouldn't notice the difference.

  2. What the hell....hire three! And I too am very particular about my coffee.

  3. I don't know about trusting Brad. I hear he likes to pee in things when nobody is looking...

  4. You can always have him bring you the coffee and implements on a silver tray so you can fix it yourself.

  5. Hire me - I'll work for minimum wage doing menial tasks for, but only because this will supply me with blogging material for at least a week.

  6. Alright fine, I'll do it. What's the wage?

  7. Brian:
    Believe it buddy! ;op

    Hey! What are you sayin'??? I have no equal! Except maybe that monkey they taught to type its name...

    Queen Goob:
    Okay I'll hire 3!

    Ew! No! Not my COFFEEEEE??

    I like the way your brain works!

    But, they might be bad ones about me and... well, I can't allow that.

    It pays the honor of working for me. It's a good deal. You can't get that just anywhere you know. ;o)

  8. I forget. Where do you live? I may know some hotties who need a job. :)

  9. What about Andy, I think he has all those things down already, no training needed.

  10. I heard the same thing about Brad Pitt, plus he doesn't bathe.
    careful there

  11. Teri:
    I'm in the Chicagoland area.

    Awwww. I think Andy is hot too!

    jean knee:
    I can bathe him. ;o)

  12. So what you're saying is that you need an assistant fresh out of Doggy Obedience School?

  13. Okay, I HAD to go find this for you, Bee!

    Roomie Intern
    THIS is the kind of intern you need for the summer!

  14. Just a sec, let me run into my bathroom, where Ryan Reynolds is drawing me a bath, and I'll ask him if he's available to help you out. It might take me awhile to get back to you, because I asked TOLD HIM because he works for me, yo! do this task without a shirt on, so I'm going to be distracted for awhile.

    Regardless, I would definitely give him a good reference.

  15. Did you explain the harmonious balance!!?!?!?!

    Maybe charts and/or a slideshow would help to illustrate the harmonious balance.

  16. Ryan Reynolds can rub my feet any day.

    I actually keep them very clean and soft just in case he ever does.

  17. While I do know Brad, or Braddiepoos and I call him because we are that.close. I don't know if he'll be available since he's busy rubbing lotion on some girls growing belly.

    But if you would be interested in Johnny Depp, or Johnnypoo and I like to call him, let me know. He says he's free and up for the job. And he makes great coffee, with his shirt off.

  18. I just thought of something!

    I volunteer my husband, Christopher, or Christy if you want to get on his nerves!

    He would be perfect. He's cute, he's sarcastic, he would give you lots of blog material as he will be completely sarcastic and outsmart the bats as the two of you sit and laugh at their stupidity. He makes great coffee.
    And he's a doc so if you get hurt in any way, he can stitch you up, do surgery to fix your broken bones, or remove a mole. Also, he has a nailgun (lord help us!) so if you want him to build you a super duper cubicle around your desk he can. It should only take a few weekends.

    I'll put him on a plane today.

    P.S. You'll need to get a cane to keep him in line.

  19. Loving the new design, great work. Will it always be this way?


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.