Little did I know the mosquito I killed would come back to haunt me.

Today was going to be a special day. My new assistant was starting her descent into the gas-hole I lovingly call Arkham Asylum. She was going to experience first hand, the mindless scenarios we take too seriously.

Are you asking for examples? Well, there's the why didn’t you bring back the kitchen towel, who moved the cheese, who moved the sausage, who ate the crackers, who brought expired coffee, last but not least, who has been eating the butt cake.

Let’s take a peek at how this glorious day started, shall we?

I woke up at an ungodly hour (SIX! BEFORE THE SUN EVEN) to hear my dogs trying to chew their way through the center of one Andy Husband. He was able to defeat the 15 lb beasts by throwing dog treats and running so he could leave for work but this left me with a massive headache.

I dragged my sleepy butt out of bed to get ready for work. I decided to dress for the occasion, the occasion being digging myself out of a mountain of paperwork for six blessed weeks, and chose a calming peasant blouse matched with a flowing skirt.

When I looked in the mirror, my calming peasant blouse made me look 7 months pregnant so that came off right away. I searched in my closet for something else that might inspire warmth and respect and found one that complimented my Rosacea rosy cheeks, my bloodshot sparkling eyes and my frizzy luscious hair.

I grabbed my brown suede shoes, the ones I wear only to special occasions like tap-dancing on the graves of my enemies, completed my look with some gaudy jewelry and was on my way to work. Early, by the way!
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I set up her work station, grabbed my coffee and waited patiently for my part time savior. There I was, sipping my coffee, looking tired, frizzy, anxious, desperate, drooly…
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I glanced at my watch, oopsie! It’s 8:35 and she’s not here yet! Hmmm, punctuality is a must for me. Okay, not so much but I was wondering who’s late on their first day? I’m always EARLY on my first days. I make a good impression and once they lower their expectations BAM! I start coming in half an hour late!

I had drifted into a reverie (does one drift into a reverie or am I thinking river?) when Glynda came to my desk and told me Part-time Savior called and couldn’t make it in today because she had a dentist appointment.

::sigh:: We all know this is code for “I have another interview with a better position and better paying job but I don’t want to lose this one in case I don’t get the other one.”

More power to her and I do hope she gets the other job but phookit! I’m back to square one!

To top things off, one of my awesome brown suede shoes decided to mutilate a mosquito bite I had on my Achilles heel and is now my own personal little distributor of torture!
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Would you like a side platter of annoyance with your disappointed painful Monday?
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OZ asked me to call in his lunch order. It was 9:30 and I didn’t want to forget so I called up the restaurant and some dude answered.

Bee:
Hi, I’d like to place a delivery order for noon.

Numbnuts:
We don’t open until 10.

Bee:
Okay? Can I still place an order for NOON?

Numbnuts:
I’m the only one here.

Bee:
I don’t know what that means. Are you trying to offer me a job? Because I’d like to counter offer that with CAN I PLACE AN ORDER FOR A NOON DELIVERY??

Numbnuts:
Hold ON.

puts me on hold.

[Are you in the mood for our authentic Italian sausage? How about our Polish dog? Be sure to ask about our catering menu. We now deliver to 10 suburbs. Don’t forget our famous milkshakes! AS LONG AS YOU CALL AFTER 10:00 AM]

Numbnuts:
Can you call back at 10?

Bee:
Sure. What’s the name of the manager?

Numbnuts:
Why?

Bee:
Because when I call back I’m going to tell him you deserve a raise! What do you mean “why”?

Numbnuts:
Fine! I’ll take your order!

Bee:
Are you sure? I don’t want to bother you… [I hang up]
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Remember I worked at a Brown’s Chicken where, if you were punched in and the phone rang, you had to pick it up and take care of the PAYING CUSTOMERS! Did we like answering the phone 2 hours before we opened?

No, but if you’re getting paid to do a job, how about you DO IT and not give me any shit?

For those of you bleeding hearts wanting to defend Numbnuts, this was not my first encounter with him and he has taken my order before as early as 9:00 AM.

In the amount of time he argued with me, he could have written down
-Turkey Sandwich- Address- Noon-.

Hell, he had time to recite the Gettysburg Address and name the states by order of induction into this, our freedomlicious country!
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And so ends another Monday. Excuse me while I go kick some dirt on it.