“This is Twiddlywhogivesashit. [turns to him and says], this is Bianca, the one who doesn’t have children.”
Me [a little startled]:
Are you a door to door kid salesman?
So this gave me the greatest idea! I will point to them and highlight something random throughout the day.
“This is PD, she’s the one that repeats things 5 times before she pretends to understand.”
“This is Scarecrow, she’s the one who shakes when she’s trying to stand still.”
“This is Milton, she’s the one GOD hasn’t figured out yet.”
“This is Cowardly Lion, she’s the one who likes to cry when she pees.”
WHY ON EARTH would someone tell a STRANGER I don’t have kids?
After the old dude left, I asked how the topic of my non deformed vajajay (sorry moms out there, I don’t mean you! also, I have no idea if it goes back to it’s original shape or what and I kind of don’t want to know) had arisen in their everyday conversation. I was really curious, you know, in case I’m ever confronted with this situation again.
Oh, he was asking if we’d heard from people who used to work here and we told him about you.
Okay, but how did you bring up my childlessness? Did you say it in a stage whisper like it was some horrible secret “The girl that works here DOESN’T HAVE ANY CHILDREN, SWORE SHE NEVER WOULD AND HAS PROMISED HER SOUL TO THE DEVIL!!”?
Don’t be silly! [Doris Day hair Marie Barone twin looking over her glasses at my silly ass]
WELL TELL ME HOW A PERFECT STRANGER KNOWS ABOUT THE FACT THAT I WILL PROBABLY NEVER PEE WHEN I SNEEZE!!!
Oh for heaven’s sake! [throws arms up in air and walks out of the room]
What do you guys think? Was I overreacting? Is it reasonable for me to want to know why/how my lack of procreation habits came up?