The saga? It continues.

But first.

I'd like to respond to two commentators from yesterday's post:

Diesel asked...
"Did you really say all that? I'm never that clever when I need to be."

Yes.
My mouth has a mind of its own completely independent from my brain. They hardly ever communicate therefore getting my butt, completely independent from my brain but not independent from my mouth, into the proverbial hot water. I've grown accustomed to the hot water and just pretend I'm in a jacuzzi.

That was a long answer for "Yes. I really said that." ;op

Berry said...
I like your blog but your posts are too long sometimes.

Berry, is it? Like StrawBerry or DingleBerry?

I can't help it. My day is long. My rants are long. My life IS long.
To shorten it would mean Andy is free to marry a true paragon of virtue and I just will not stand/die for that!

And now Berry, just for you, another long post but I semi-promise not to do a post until Friday. If I'm not tired. You have my permission to read this one in two parts while stroking your kitty cat.

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Okay, I know you guys are tired of hearing about my Bat problems at the Asylum. I know you’re thinking “Yawn! Maybe if you stop being such a bitch, people would love you!”

My response to you is “Say that again to my face. Can you hear my voice? That's because I’m right behind you.”

Ha ha did you get chills?? Just kidding I'm too lazy to Google your butt so you’re safe. For now.

Listen, I wish I could talk to you guys about the recent news items that have come to my attention but I just don’t have the time okay? I wish I could discuss with you how gross I find it that women are going to salons and letting fish nibble the crust off their feet but this here is REAL LIFE!

Anyyyyway, Part-Time Savior came in today. She kept holding the left side of her face thinking we weren’t wise to her charade (please say it like the Brits, shah-rod) but I’m desperate and time is running out on me here so I faked concern.

But then, the concern became real.

Our computer system is extremely easy. It’s almost as if they designed it so people with lobotomies could operate it while undergoing removal of their left eye. AND heavily sedated.

At the bottom of the screen it will give you prompts:

A) Launch bug
B) Eat spaghetti
C) Slap coworker

You select what you want and move on to the next screen where you’ll have another series of questions.
Being of superior intellect, I mastered the system and showed the Bats a couple other little short cuts they were never aware of (like screen-prints. who would of thought you can PRINT a SCREEN!) until my dazzling arrival.

The assistants I’ve had before, BD and Dorothy, while not as bright as me/myself/I, they caught on quick. I always start them slow and easy which means they have to learn 5 things the first day (not counting finding your way around the Asylum).
FIVE THINGS.
I print a simple, yet important, report give it to them and by the end of the day they would be almost done.

As I type this, because I have nothing better to do, it is 2:40 and she will be leaving in 20 minutes. I've done everything in my power, except open her head and pour the information directly into her brain, to teach her these FIVE EASY THINGS and she is still not getting it!

Directions are, from main screen.

Select Inquiry. *enter*

Enter Account # *enter*

Hit F3 Key

Highlight patient *enter*

Hit C for charges *enter*

Write down X Y Z from this screen on the report. (This doesn’t count as something they need to learn here because people should know how to write by now)

I know what you’re going to say, why doesn’t she screen-print the information.

THINK OF THE TREES PEOPLE! think of the trees (N C S !!)

No, I only need 3 things from that screen which doesn’t warrant me having stacks of paper.

For some reason, she types the account number and either sits and waits for Zeus to come over and whisper the info in her ear or she enters the account# then hits “C” and “enter” which sends her back to the main screen because the system is scratching it’s head, asking itself what type of monkey is pushing the pretty buttons.

Okay, I do sound mean.

I try to be a patient trainer, I really do. You can ask the people I’ve been boss the of. Brother and sister duo Dan and Nancy, Andy (I’m still his boss so he might not have anything good to say) and BD.

BD! If you’re out there, come out of the attorney slime hole you call your new job and back me up here!

Now I’m 2 days behind because she just left and only finished 8 pages out of 40.

Her excuses for not *getting it* were classic.

“My computer screen is too dark”
I brightened it.

“My F3 key doesn’t work.”
It does.

“When I hit enter it doesn’t take me to the same place it takes you!”
Really? Let me check the computer for wormholes. Nope, no wormholes.

“I’m typing everything you told me to, per my notes, and it’s wrong.”
Is she…? Are you…? Is she blaming it on me?

Yeah, that’s the safest way to go, blame it on me. See where THAT gets you.

More work got done yesterday, when she wasn't here!

If she doesn’t perform well tomorrow, it’s curtains (or coytuns as the mobsters say). I'm not heartless so I'm going to give her another chance, plus I like the way she smells kind of like inscense and Pier One Imports.

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And now for a mini segment I shall call “the fuckin bitches I work with are a bunch of whiners who want to see me fall flat on my face!”

When P-TS came in, I gave her her governmental forms to fill out and I went to get my coffee. As I'm walking by the reception area, I hear this conversation.

CL to [Toto]:
… well it’s HER assistant I'm JUST the receptionist so I'm not saying anything!

I moon walked back to them and sweetly asked WTF was going on.

CL looked like the clichéd deer in the headlights but Toto asked if I wanted my new assistant to get paid because I hadn’t set up a time card for her to punch in.

I'd like to say I took the high road and shrugged my shoulders as if to convey bygones will be bygones and she is such a silly rabbit. I did not.

I told her we were working for the same company and she needed to grow up!

Why? Why are people such asses? Why would you want to sabotage somebody you work with?

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It doesn't look like my mood is going to get better anytime soon folks!

Remember, if you have any grievances with what you've read here today, please forward your complaints to:

seriouslywhogivesacrap@gmail.com

That's:

SERIOUSLYWHOGIVESACRAP@GMAIL.COM

Our mutilators operators are standing by!

My nerves? They are tightly wound. But finely tuned.

Picture from Weirdomatic dot com

P.S.
I know the joke is on me since I stand alone and am the one always frustrated and ranting.
See you Friday!