Friday, July 11, 2008

Seriously long freakin’ post in which I talk about Humor-Blogs. Read at your own risk!.

I’m a little disturbed today. No, I’m a lot disturbed today.

I know you’re not asking why but I’m going to tell you anyway because this here is my little space on this Earth that is 100% mine.


I don’t share it with Andy, the dogs, my mom, my family… well, I do share it, in that I let people in to see how my mind works but nobody else can barge in while I’m typing and announce they’re gonna take a shower so get off the pot already! TMI? Sorry.

Anyway, today I came to the realization that some people find it obnoxious when we ask you to click on Humor-Blogs to vote for us. Maybe it’s because they think we’re looking for an ego massage with a side of fries? I’m not really sure but I need to make one thing (or 10) clear.

I love it when you do click for me but I’m fine if you don’t. I’ll still breathe in and out and put my pants on 2 legs at a time (I have great balance)(I once slid on the balls of my feet [BALLS OF MY FEET] on ice for about 10 feet because I was wearing weather inappropriate boots but managed to maintain my upright position. I finally coasted to a stop with my butt bone intact). We will ask for your vote but it is entirely up to you if you do or not because there is this thing called FREE WILL.

The people that know me, know I’m an average chick with an above average ego that strokes itself. I’ve been through some real life shit in my REAL life and am confident in who I am because of it. I don't need any type of confirmations on how BAD ASS I AM. They are already deeply engraved in my person from my life experiences, some are physical scars others are emotional ones.

I was one of the popular chicks growing up. That is just the honest truth but it wasn’t because I put people down a-la Mean Girls or because I was a people pleaser. I was simply liked, I believe, because I wasn’t a crowd follower. I hung out with who I wanted based off of their personalities and not because they had a swimming pool or a car or whatever. I stuck up for people that were being picked on and I tried to help those I could. I basically haven’t changed much over the years. Well, except maybe my size but what can you do? I’ve discovered tons of great food along my path to self righteousness

When the new system at Humor-Blogs.com went up, I made jokes about not clicking for anybody and all H-B members for themselves. I might have been serious for one minute but then I read this blog or that blog which made me laugh and I voted for them because they’re funny. Not only are they funny but I like them too. If we are truly honest with each other here, the main reason for joining any group is for traffic. It doesn’t matter what our reasons for wanting that traffic are but it does please us to receive some praise on things we shoot out at the webisphere.

There are some blogs I don’t find amusing but you know what? I am only one person with one opinion. What do I know about what the proper formula for writing comedy is? Is there even one? IN MY HUMBLE OPINION, I really don’t think there is.


A simple sentence like “I'm writing this from Scotland, which isn't actually a different Nation (I'm typing this quietly so that they don't hear me)” will have me losing my shit and laughing but that doesn’t mean it’s going to amuse everybody.

I’m sure Brian is okay with that because he writes for himself (and probably because we pressured him into starting a blog but that’s another story). Nobody on this Earth can convince me he’s not funny.

How about this line “So, I’m making more of an effort to exercise more because The Wife is making me make more of an effort to exercise more.” This is from my brother Dan whom I always thought was one of the funniest people plopped on my planet to amuse me.

How about this chick, "Well today is tomorrow so we went back." Jean Knee makes me laugh just by saying "Hmmmm..."!


I don’t believe either one of them is following a humor writing formula but they still manage to make me (and others) laugh.

I know there is a certain technique to humor writing. I’ve read some blogs that employ it and succeed and others that take it too far and BORE ME. Would I say that to their face? No, because even though it bored me it might have given somebody else the laughing squirts.

There are people on H-B that are so off the wall, their titles ALONE have me in stitches "You are the wind beneath my shorts" (the rest of LOBO's post is funny too).

There are a bunch of other examples but I'm at work so I can't keep opening windows to get links and examples.

The reason I was irritated with “Caleb” is because he/she was being vindictive by voting negatively without reading my posts. If, after he/she read them, he/she decided I suck donkey balls, I'd invite him/her for ice cream at the local Diphtheria Queen, I mean Dairy Queen and we would walk out of there skipping and laughing. Or maybe I'd be laughing and he/she would be criticizing me for laughing. Good times would be had by all.

A sad face will not dock my paycheck (coming in to work late? well, I have to start paying OZ now), it will not make my husband love me less. It will not make me want to jump off of a 1 story office window.

Do I consider my blog a *humor blog*? Yes and no, I consider it to be humorous because there are somethings that might make you smile even if you don’t guffaw into your coffee but there is no online social groups called Humorous Sometimes Funny Blogs. If you start one, let me know and I’ll be on that bandwagon so fast it’ll tip over!.

My goal is for you to be amused by the shit that lands on my face. It’s okay to make fun of me or say “Damn it girl! That happened to me too! I was just walking around, minding my own business when a pigeon had a diarrhea attack on my shoulder!” or “Your husband crashed into your car? Maybe next time he'll get lucky and you'll be standing in front of it!”

Nobody can mock me better than I mock myself. You can try, but you won't be successful!

I want to be able to make fun of things that are trying to get me down so I can show the fuckers out there trying to screw with my head that I still have my sense of humor and they are failing in their quest to suck the life out of my soul! Those same fuckers don't read this blog but that's besides the point because it is technically disproving my point and who wants to point that out? Stop pointing your fingers dammit!

I don't consider myself a sell out because I link to Humor Blogs simply because it gets me MORE traffic. That's why I link to Alltop, BlogCatalog, BlogHer, BlogLog, Twitter, Tecnorati and if there are others I'm missing, please let me know so I can link to those too. I want to infect as many people in my short life time as I can.

If people look down their noses at me because they don't think I'm funny,

A) They're probably taller than I am
B) Have big noses
C) Are a bunch of fuckwads

But what the fuck do I know? I'm just a girl, that owns 2 dogs and a husband, sitting behind a desk, eating a (too spicy for my own good) Panera Bread sandwich, neglecting her work duties.

P.S.
I know this post kinda sounds like those fuckers DID get under my skin but I'm just trying to point out 'he without sin cast the first stone' or 'do onto others' or 'don't feed them after midnight'.


KARATE CHOP!!!

44 comments:

  1. Hang in there... :) The sad smiley face, or down-thumbs thing (if you're on Reddit) happens unfortunately too often, where people don't read what you have to say and just vote it down because they wish to vote something else up. The nice thing about the internet is that everybody has a voice and the bad thing about the internet is that... everybody has a voice. :)

    I'm still trying to work out the whole Humor-blogs system myself. Seems there has to be a better way, but it's hard to say what that way would be. Anyway, just wanted to offer moral support from a gal who's been down-thumbed on Reddit recently without them having, er, Reddit.

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  2. I risked!
    You make me laugh and love life everytime I visit you. You make me L-O-L Bee.

    That caleb person does not know funny. He is neither funny nor fun and in fact, he alone brings the funk with him.

    BAH!

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  3. That's why I think the whole idea behind humor blogs is sorta flawed in the first place, different people have different ideas of what's funny. One of my favorite bloggers, mad mad housewife, was negatively reviewed by people that said they didn't like that she blogs about her kids and home life. I don't think it's fair to rate someone negatively just because you can't relate to their lifestyle. Don't read it, but don't be nasty about it either.

    There are a lot of blogs on HB I've looked at and are very formulaic IMO. The posts seem forced and over-produced. Not interested in those, but I won't rate them badly because I can see how others would like them.

    It just isn't possible to be so objective, and a system like this requires objectivity. Otherwise it's just one big high school popularity contest, as many blog contests seem to turn into.

    I have to go see if I'm still on HB so I can REMOVE myself.

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  4. Memarie Lane got THAT right. I stopped linking to HB when I realized "OMG, I've already BEEN to high school and don't want to go back."

    Humor is VERY subjective and as a standup comic, I've seen it over and over for 24 years. I heard my dad and stepmother rapture over what we call a "guitar act" (think the guy with those church signs, ie, not original) and comics don't count them as real comics. But audiences love them.

    'Caleb' is one of the bloggers at HB with a dummy front. A guy with no profile and no blog. Why does he get to comment and yet not be subjected to the same scrutiny? Because they're trying to take you down and it's childish and obviously done by a man that I can't watch. I've spent a life time hearing "Women aren't funny." Men are insecure. Duh.

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  5. Jenn:
    Thanks! I fear it's only going to get worse which sucks cuz people are just out there to wreck havoc! Just as Batman! ;o)

    NCS:
    No you make me L O L! No you! No you! Ha ha! Thanks!

    Marie:
    You're right. If I don't like a blog I just don't go back. I don't think I have it in me to give somebody a sad face. Not even if Caleb were real and he had a link to his blog because then I'd be stooping to his level.

    I didn't realize you once you once were on HB. It makes sense since your post are very funny!

    Suzy:
    You know how I feel about you since you are one of the ones I stalk via e-mails. You are one hilarious lady!

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  6. Oh, I just hate this!
    I love you Bee. You know that. I visit your blog religiously for a laugh, for a FOFOM, and just to know what's going on in Beeland and now some asshole, ahem.. that would be you "CALEB", makes some comments while hiding behind his computer and it's upset you.
    Just remember that all of us non-"Calebs" love you and think you're wonderful and funny. There's a reason we keep coming back.
    I want to beat "Caleb" up for even making you second guess yourself.

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  7. well damn, if I were funny I'd have a funny comment.


    fucking prozac

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  8. I'm almost certain Caleb wears a man bra

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  9. Bee, I love your blog and I always click the great big LOL face for ya. I don't know if I told you before or not but just in case I didn't, well, I'm just sayin...srsly I laugh every time.

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  10. Yeah, what everybody else already said.

    Well! I'm glad you got that off your chest. And managaed to karate chop he-who-shall-not-be-named-by-me. And with a few "fuck"s thrown in for good measure.

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  11. Really? You're OK if they don't click for you? That's great!

    Me? I keep track of everyone that comes to my page and if they don't click for me, I put a little pin on this big map I keep by the computer.

    One of these days I'm going on vacation.

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  12. Ahh, don't worry about the naysayers! There are enough supportive people out there to make up for em. Only last week I got stopped in the street by a lovely guy who said 'watch it!' which is code for 'keep up the good work!'. You'd be suprised you far your reach extends sometimes.

    Keep happy mate, your blog is ace. Now. Where's that happy face button..

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  13. I've never got involved with reading the humour blogs, because I spend enough time reading the blogs I like, so I don't know much about this Caleb thing, but I've no time for people who don't treat people online like they would face to face.

    Humour is such a serious business ;-)

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  14. I actually sat there and read the whole thing.... and enjoyed it. I never heard of people getting tired of the humor-blogs requests; but hey, the internet and jokes about midget tossing are huge areas to explore, so let those people log back on to myspace and you keep doing what you do, 'cause you now have another regular reader.

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  15. All of you bloggers - PLEASE don't leave humor blogs! I found it through one blog that I was sent a link to, and now I read several religiously and others occasionally. I love it because I know there are a lot of great blogs out there that I otherwise would probably never find (not having a blog myself). I don't think it's offensive at all that you ask people to click - who's going to be for you if you're not for yourself? As you said, if people don't want to click, they don't have to.

    Honestly, I never even remember there's a frowny face because if I don't think a post is funny, I just don't click on the laughing face. Again, you made an excellent point that humor is subjective, so maybe I'm just not bright enough to see the humor or haven't had that experience & so can't relate. No reason to bash.

    Even though the rating system does give people the opportunity to be a downer, I think it provides one positive thing: Many people are sheep. By which I mean, if they see a lot of "laughs," they will read the post just to see what's so funny. Me, I'm a perverse (NOT perverted) sheep; if a post has a frowny, I'll read it just to see if it's really so awful/offensive.

    All of this is a long way of saying not to tar all of us with the Caleb brush. And one more thing - I wish I had been you in HS. Not the popular part, but the liking-people-for-who-they-were part. I wasn't that brave (or grown up) till college.

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  16. Hey, I enjoy your blog and I like the way Humor-Blogs lets me quickly link to a bunch of the blogs I like.

    I think Diesel has been fantastic in creating it and modifying it when needed and I have one tiny criticism and in no way whatsoever do I think I could improve one iota of it. But that is - while I sometimes read a post that I enjoy very much (like this one for instance) I just can't see choosing the Big Laugh smiley face because I was not lol at any point in reading it. But I found it interesting and quite enjoyable reading.

    But, as I check my way through blogs I like to visit often, occasionally i find one catches my eye that is new to me - I will read it and if I don't like it, I just don't go back but I see no reason to insult the author with negative feedback. He/She created something and had the cojones to expose themselves for our potential enjoyment. Kudos. I don't have a blog - I just don't think I can be creative enough in the long term. I still enjoy reading the work of others but until I've walked the proverbial mile in the authors shoes, who am I to critique -- I pass along my compliments, forward the link to friends who I think would enjoy it or just move on if I didn't appreciate it.

    I just don't get the Caleb's of the world who seem to need to belittle others - life is too short to wallow in so much negativity.

    Please continue to entertain us with funny or snide or snarky or serious material as you see fit.

    Cheers!

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  17. Caleb what kind of name is Caleb anyway?
    Sounds like a terrorist.

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  18. I love you Bee! Because not only am I hanging with the cool girl, but you just provided me with the perfect obit.

    "I’ve discovered tons of great food along my path to self righteousness."

    Trust me, the pics on my site are OLD. Too fat for words now.

    Now I must go press a smiley for you. : )

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  19. Ha! Just checked and apparently Caleb isn't enamored with me either.

    He might well become the standard of quality blogging.

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  20. I, um, well... I think your avatar's real pretty. And so is your writing.

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  21. BEE! SOME HORSE FACE MOTHER FUCKER WITHOUT A BLOG JUST GAVE YOU ANOTHER SAD FACE VOTE!

    Please don't put yourself through that shit!

    I WANT TO GO BUST SOMEONES FUCKING HEAD!

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  23. Well, sweetie, at #3, your fans clearly outweigh you detractors!

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  24. I 'heart' you, Bee. I hope you 'heart' me, too. I'd make those into emoticon hearts, but one of the reasons I heart you so much is, aside from the fact that you kick ass make me laugh, you leave behind some of the most elaborate emoticons in your comments, and, yeah, they impress me.

    Hearty heart heart!

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  25. Ok, so first of all, Bee, you're ranked 3rd out of like 700 blogs, so quit your damn whining. :)

    Of course H-B is flawed. But it's the best system I could come up with, and IMHO it's the best system out there.

    The important thing is that it WORKS. If you type 'humor blogs' into Google, H-B pops up at number 1. H-B delivers a bunch of funny blogs to the Googler, and it delivers a lot of traffic to hard-working, talented bloggers who otherwise would labor in obscurity. Whatever the faults of the system, the fact is that it does a bang-up job of accomplishing its primary goals.

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  26. Tracy:
    You are one of the people I'd love to have in my corner. I bet you can pack a mean punch!! :o)

    jean knee:
    No, no. It's GLORIOUS Prozac!

    Leeuna:
    Thanks! That is quite a compliment coming from you! I'm all smiley now! :o)

    Nanny:
    Things never sit on my chest for too long. ;o)

    No You!:
    No. YOU!

    Don:
    Once you get to your vacation destination, will you be giving out hugs? Because that's the only threat I'd be afraid of.

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  27. Wow. Brian is right, humor is serious business.
    Who knew things would get so heated ;)

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  28. Davey:
    Thanks, I appreciate the support. Don't you wonder why people speak in code? I believe the world would be a better place if we all just passed around a peace pipe. To be honest, I don't think I'd share my peace pipe but at least I'd be happy! ;o)

    Brian:
    You, as my OLDEST OLDDDDDEST blog friend, know I don't try to pressure you into voting for me right?
    Bribing you would be another story...

    Beau:
    Thank you! If you could see me now I'd be curtsying. But don't look too closely because I don't have any make-up on. ::blushing::

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  29. KC:
    I absolutely LOVED what you had to say!

    And thank you for your last wonderful compliment. I blame it on being the first born and having to look out for my 3 lil' brothers and my sister.

    Daniel:
    Here is my conundrum. Sometimes I just want to post about something that most people wouldn't consider funny. I started the blog then, months later, joined humor-blogs. Like you said, someone might find it interesting or slightly amusing but this shouldn't mean it deserves a frowny face. You are so right.
    Ultimately, I'm going to continue doing what I want (as everybody has suggested and been very cool and supportive) and if I get a sad face for it, so be it.

    I think I speak for the rest of H-B members when I say I thank you for being honest and just bypassing the post if you didn't find it funny and not sad facing us.

    Dan:
    He is Dan. He's terrorizing H-B! ;o)

    Alice:
    Well, I'm not as cool as I used to be in my early twenties but I can still drink half a beer without getting a buzz! (If I drink a full one I'm telling invisible people that I love them!)

    Don:
    The last thing on this Earth I could have ever imagined would have been me and you having something other than blogging in common. Next thing you're gonna tell me is that you're 5'2 and have a moustache. That would be just too much!

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  30. That Girl from Shallot:
    Thank you! I like your avatar too! :o)

    BD:
    Chillax! Ha! You crack me up! I'm not too worried since people have pointed out the supporters out weigh the duds. Don't go hunting now! :o)

    Nanny:
    Yup! How sweet is that? ;o)

    FADKOG:
    ♫ I ♥ U2!♪☼

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  31. Diesel:
    I wasn't whining but if I was, this here is "Bee's Musings", the boss, Bee, gets to decided if she laughs, cries, rants, rambles, meanders or, even on those rare gassy days, whines.
    (:op

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  32. NCS:
    Very serious.
    Can you see my Zoolander "Blue Steel" face? That's how serious I am.

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  33. I think you should have some optimistic approach for yourself.Takecare.

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  34. I was just joking about the whining thing, in case you didn't know. The fact is that mean people suck, but you can't let them get you down. You get a lot more LOL faces than frowny faces.

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  35. They did ask me to prove I was no roboto by typing the name of one of the Marx Bros.
    I'm Mexi, I do not have this information!

    Thanks goodness for Teh My Internets and Teh Googles.

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  36. Hello Bee, I read you all the time. I am just a simple poet. Some like my poetry some don't. I love to laugh. And well, that's why I come here. YOU do a wonderful job and don't let anyone get you down. Some are not happy with them self so they try to make others feel bad. KEEP WRITING and I will keep reading.

    Be you Bee. And that is all that matters.

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  37. people are clonials tooJuly 13, 2008 at 9:36 PM

    uh

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  38. Women can't be funny, they are too busy moaning about how they have all this pain from having babies it drains their brain!

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  39. I'm still on humor-blogs, I guess but I don't have a link or anything anymore.

    See, Bee? You're one of the nice people that can handle competition with grace. I turn into a raging beyotch and should not be allowed anywhere close to teh internetz when I do.

    I'm not fond of the new system but I'll do whatever it takes to see that my favorite people get the votes they deserve. :)

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  40. "I know there is a certain technique to humor writing. I’ve read some blogs that employ it and succeed and others that take it too far and BORE ME."

    Goddammit. I *KNEW* it. I'm sorry.

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  41. Love your blog sweet cheeks. Keep up the good work. You crack me up.

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Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.