Seriously long freakin’ post in which I talk about Humor-Blogs. Read at your own risk!.

I’m a little disturbed today. No, I’m a lot disturbed today.

I know you’re not asking why but I’m going to tell you anyway because this here is my little space on this Earth that is 100% mine.

I don’t share it with Andy, the dogs, my mom, my family… well, I do share it, in that I let people in to see how my mind works but nobody else can barge in while I’m typing and announce they’re gonna take a shower so get off the pot already! TMI? Sorry.

Anyway, today I came to the realization that some people find it obnoxious when we ask you to click on Humor-Blogs to vote for us. Maybe it’s because they think we’re looking for an ego massage with a side of fries? I’m not really sure but I need to make one thing (or 10) clear.

I love it when you do click for me but I’m fine if you don’t. I’ll still breathe in and out and put my pants on 2 legs at a time (I have great balance)(I once slid on the balls of my feet [BALLS OF MY FEET] on ice for about 10 feet because I was wearing weather inappropriate boots but managed to maintain my upright position. I finally coasted to a stop with my butt bone intact). We will ask for your vote but it is entirely up to you if you do or not because there is this thing called FREE WILL.

The people that know me, know I’m an average chick with an above average ego that strokes itself. I’ve been through some real life shit in my REAL life and am confident in who I am because of it. I don't need any type of confirmations on how BAD ASS I AM. They are already deeply engraved in my person from my life experiences, some are physical scars others are emotional ones.

I was one of the popular chicks growing up. That is just the honest truth but it wasn’t because I put people down a-la Mean Girls or because I was a people pleaser. I was simply liked, I believe, because I wasn’t a crowd follower. I hung out with who I wanted based off of their personalities and not because they had a swimming pool or a car or whatever. I stuck up for people that were being picked on and I tried to help those I could. I basically haven’t changed much over the years. Well, except maybe my size but what can you do? I’ve discovered tons of great food along my path to self righteousness

When the new system at Humor-Blogs.com went up, I made jokes about not clicking for anybody and all H-B members for themselves. I might have been serious for one minute but then I read this blog or that blog which made me laugh and I voted for them because they’re funny. Not only are they funny but I like them too. If we are truly honest with each other here, the main reason for joining any group is for traffic. It doesn’t matter what our reasons for wanting that traffic are but it does please us to receive some praise on things we shoot out at the webisphere.

There are some blogs I don’t find amusing but you know what? I am only one person with one opinion. What do I know about what the proper formula for writing comedy is? Is there even one? IN MY HUMBLE OPINION, I really don’t think there is.

A simple sentence like “I'm writing this from Scotland, which isn't actually a different Nation (I'm typing this quietly so that they don't hear me)” will have me losing my shit and laughing but that doesn’t mean it’s going to amuse everybody.

I’m sure Brian is okay with that because he writes for himself (and probably because we pressured him into starting a blog but that’s another story). Nobody on this Earth can convince me he’s not funny.

How about this line “So, I’m making more of an effort to exercise more because The Wife is making me make more of an effort to exercise more.” This is from my brother Dan whom I always thought was one of the funniest people plopped on my planet to amuse me.

How about this chick, "Well today is tomorrow so we went back." Jean Knee makes me laugh just by saying "Hmmmm..."!

I don’t believe either one of them is following a humor writing formula but they still manage to make me (and others) laugh.

I know there is a certain technique to humor writing. I’ve read some blogs that employ it and succeed and others that take it too far and BORE ME. Would I say that to their face? No, because even though it bored me it might have given somebody else the laughing squirts.

There are people on H-B that are so off the wall, their titles ALONE have me in stitches "You are the wind beneath my shorts" (the rest of LOBO's post is funny too).

There are a bunch of other examples but I'm at work so I can't keep opening windows to get links and examples.

The reason I was irritated with “Caleb” is because he/she was being vindictive by voting negatively without reading my posts. If, after he/she read them, he/she decided I suck donkey balls, I'd invite him/her for ice cream at the local Diphtheria Queen, I mean Dairy Queen and we would walk out of there skipping and laughing. Or maybe I'd be laughing and he/she would be criticizing me for laughing. Good times would be had by all.

A sad face will not dock my paycheck (coming in to work late? well, I have to start paying OZ now), it will not make my husband love me less. It will not make me want to jump off of a 1 story office window.

Do I consider my blog a *humor blog*? Yes and no, I consider it to be humorous because there are somethings that might make you smile even if you don’t guffaw into your coffee but there is no online social groups called Humorous Sometimes Funny Blogs. If you start one, let me know and I’ll be on that bandwagon so fast it’ll tip over!.

My goal is for you to be amused by the shit that lands on my face. It’s okay to make fun of me or say “Damn it girl! That happened to me too! I was just walking around, minding my own business when a pigeon had a diarrhea attack on my shoulder!” or “Your husband crashed into your car? Maybe next time he'll get lucky and you'll be standing in front of it!”

Nobody can mock me better than I mock myself. You can try, but you won't be successful!

I want to be able to make fun of things that are trying to get me down so I can show the fuckers out there trying to screw with my head that I still have my sense of humor and they are failing in their quest to suck the life out of my soul! Those same fuckers don't read this blog but that's besides the point because it is technically disproving my point and who wants to point that out? Stop pointing your fingers dammit!

I don't consider myself a sell out because I link to Humor Blogs simply because it gets me MORE traffic. That's why I link to Alltop, BlogCatalog, BlogHer, BlogLog, Twitter, Tecnorati and if there are others I'm missing, please let me know so I can link to those too. I want to infect as many people in my short life time as I can.

If people look down their noses at me because they don't think I'm funny,

A) They're probably taller than I am
B) Have big noses
C) Are a bunch of fuckwads

But what the fuck do I know? I'm just a girl, that owns 2 dogs and a husband, sitting behind a desk, eating a (too spicy for my own good) Panera Bread sandwich, neglecting her work duties.

P.S.
I know this post kinda sounds like those fuckers DID get under my skin but I'm just trying to point out 'he without sin cast the first stone' or 'do onto others' or 'don't feed them after midnight'.

KARATE CHOP!!!