Monday, July 28, 2008

Airheadabic for dummies



Hi! I'm P-T S, Bee's assistant, and I've taken over her blog for the day. I decided to come over and tell you what a day with me really is like.
It's not fair that you get the story only from Bee's perspective, let's face it, she can be sanctimonious and demanding.

Here we go!

8:26

Okay, let me punch in now... hmmm the time clock seems to be broken! Maybe if I unplug it...? I know I've only been working here a week and don't know what the consequences will be but I'm sure it'll be fine.
Huh. It's still not working only now it has 3 dashes and doesn't seem to be registering the time or day.

I better go get Bee.

Oh no, she has that weird eye twitching thing again. Oh, she just told me the time clock wasn't broken I was putting my time card in wrong and now it was going to take the time clock 24 hours to reset.
Oopsie!

Okay, now she wants me to finish the report I was doing last week. She says it should have been done already. Oh well!

Let's see, we saved it on Excel but maybe if I click on Adobe...?
Huh? I can't find my file!
What did I name it again? Something like Dog Sniffers Anonymous?? No. It was my initials plus the name of the report she gave me but I'm not sure...
I'll just waste 2 hours clicking aimlessly through Adobe.

::sigh:: I should ask her I guess but she's got that 'fuck off' look to her that makes my stomach have gas pains. Oh! I know! I'll just ask Milton since she seems to know EVERYTHING!
Wow. She sure does talk a lot. How did we get to talking about her underwear?
I'll just bite the bullet and ask Bee.

Oh-oh. I think I did something wrong. Both her eyebrows are having spasms and her ears look like tiny red peppers. I guess I should have told her I needed help right away.
Oopsie!

Ooh I just remembered that song from Chili's "Chili's baby back ribs Chili's baby back ribs! Barbecue sauce!"
I used to love that song! I wonder why they don't show it on TV anymore?

I'm so hungry! I think I might--- Oh she is saying something and I wasn't paying attention but the last thing I heard was "very important". Should I ask her what's "very important"? Naw. She's already super pissed at me, I'll just wing it.

Okay, she's going to lunch at her sister's and I'm to finish the day with the receptionist. What did she tell me to do before I close the Excel report?? She just said it was very important. I wish I had listened, oh well!

Okay, close program.

Do I want to save changes I made to excel? No! I don't want to mess anything up! Phew! That would have been so bad! Who knows what she would have done to me!

She's back from lunch. What? Did I save the changes I made to the report? Yes. But I didn't save changes I made to Excel I almost did but I-- what? I don't understand? I SHOULD have saved the changes to Excel? Now I've lost everything I entered?
Oopsie!

There she goes, off like a little Tasmanian devil, sounds like one too because... is she speaking in another language?
I think I just heard her ask for an Advil? I wonder why her head hurts? Oh! She said Anvil! Is that what they constantly dropped on Wile E. Coyote?? I used to love those cartoons I wonder why they don't show them anymore? Too violent probably. I don't like the new cartoons-- Oh! It's 2:30! Time to go. Bye guys! See you tomorrow! I really really LOVE THIS JOB!

Oh no, I have to go tell Bee the time clock isn't working again!
Hey, that maroon blouse she's wearing matches her cheeks!
I wonder if that color would look good on me-- SPLAT!




Sorry guys, due to a tragic anvil accident P-T S could not finish her story. If you leave comments, please leave them in Airheadabic so she'll understand what you're saying.

24 comments:

  1. All Mondays should be equipped with anvils.

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  2. Tuesday probably should come with dynamite.

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  3. Thank GOD.

    If I woulda had that "If Sinister Dan has a bald spot this ain't it" desciption on HB and you overtook me, Andy would have freaked! LOL

    Congats on taking your throne back!

    :)

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  4. I've changed my mind, I don't want that job after all. It sounds far too demanding. Especially having to spend half the day listening to Milton talking about her underwear...

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  5. OMG - Can you get any of this on video for us?!

    I feel for you. So glad your Momma's coming home to cook you some food and make up for all this.

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  6. Thanks a lot. Got that damn Baby Back Ribs song in my head now.

    Hope Tuesday is better.

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  7. FIRE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!

    AMANDA IS STILL AVAIALBE :-) SHE'S SMART, RESPECTFUL, SMART, KNOWS HOW TO SAVE A FILE, SMART, CAN PUNCH IN WITHOUT UNPLUGGING THE TIME CLOCK, SMART, DOESN'T LIKE TALKING TO BATS, SMART.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Jinksy:
    I'm starting my own business.

    AKA Sandy:
    I hope she understood that! ;o)

    FADKOG:
    Maybe grenades?

    LOBO:
    Don't worry, Andy only goes after Orcs.
    You realize you're the one that keeps putting over the top right?

    Brian:
    I don't understand why she likes talking about her granny panties.

    Alice:
    I wish I could, I really do.

    Meg:
    BARBECUE SAUCE!

    Marie:
    People don't get fired here. They just keep getting paid.

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  9. Can you guys hear me laughing maniacally???

    Want to know why?

    Because she called in sick again today!

    BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

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  10. You've GOT to be kidding me. What a turd. At least you got a funny post out of it. That's something, right?

    Oh, everyone, feel free to talk amongst yourselves for a second ... Bee - I would LOVE to take a look at your widget screen prints. My email is BlogofBex@comcast.net.

    Thanks, Bee! You're the fucking bomb (even though you hired a brain donor to be your ASSistant).

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  11. All I can think of saying is: "I'm so sorry". I can imagine how frustrated you must be...

    You seriously can't fire her?

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  12. What does PTS stand for? I guess I should know this since I read your blog.

    Anyhow sounds like you need to give her a break...in her nose.

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  13. That's good news about her not coming in. Maybe you should make sure she's sick more often - you could try taking in some of Jean Knee's laxitive cookies, and giving them to her to take home.

    I'll feel really bad joking about it if:

    1. She's called in sick because she is really dying of something

    2. She's got something horribly contagious

    Well, I'll feel a bit bad.

    Maybe.

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  14. Sully: Rickey assumes Bee is referring to post traumatic stress. Either that or she meant to talk about TPS reports from "Office Space."

    Rickey totally been there vis a vis losing work on excel spreadsheets. Hell hath no fury like a worker scorned...

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  15. wow

    I didn't think it could get any better , and now this.

    you so lucky.

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  16. lol

    The sad thing is is that people who really suck bad can still qualify for my money due to splendid government programs.

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  17. Dear PTS
    I loved your post, I can’t imagine why that Bee makes such a big deal over work stuff.
    She needed to understand that there’s more to life then work.

    ReplyDelete
  18. vampire coalitionJuly 29, 2008 at 8:34 PM

    We suck.

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  19. I'm confused.

    Are you starting your own business to avoid dimwitted assistants, or are you starting an anvil business?

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  20. Bex:
    It was either her or Loud Big Boobs or Crypt keeper. I wouldn't have minded Loud Big Boobs but she wasn't very attractive.

    Crazy Ez!:
    Nope. I can take her out back and beat the shot out of her but I can't fire her.

    Sully:
    P-T S stands for
    Part-Time Suxworsethanshovingbambooshootsintoyourfingernails. ;o)

    Brian:
    I doubt she's really sick. She did a GREAT job today! No mishaps!
    ;op

    Rickey:
    Post traumatic stress too.

    jean knee:
    well, the bright side is, Global Warming will kill us all soon.

    Babe:
    Hey babe! Whatcha doin'??

    Dan:
    No GOAT for you!

    vampire Coalition:
    I have some fresh blood for you. Let me know where I can send her.

    Jinksy:
    An Anvil company. The way I see it, ACME has been the leading Anvil manufacturers for too long. They can use some competition!

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  21. OMGosh Bee.

    Bwahahahahahaha!
    And here I thought no one could top Milton's stories.

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  22. Thanks for putting that damn Chili's baby back ribs song into my head after I FINALLY got it out.

    settles back to wait another 6 years for song to fade from brain

    JD at I Do Things

    ReplyDelete
  23. Oh god, I work with one of these. Except she's about 90 and should never have been allowed to touch a comp. She calls at lease once a week to have her password reset, because "It's just to hard for me to remember this, sweetie, we really need to go back to just having the monitor do it for us."
    Huh?

    ReplyDelete

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.