I've been having shoulder pain the last couple of months. Being the complete bad ass I am, I kept thinking pain shmain! I blamed the Teaspoon/Tablespoon position or ANDY for not letting me sleep in the comfort I deserve by restricting my movements.
I finally couldn't stand it anymore. The pain felt as if gorillas were playing tug of war with my arm. Yeah, it was THAT BAD! I let The Bats talk me into making an appointment with the older semi-retired Orthopaedist in our office.
First he ordered the X-Rays and these were the very important questions I asked while in the darkroom with Scarecrow:
*Does the X-Ray machine make me look fat?
*Will this thing cook my eggs?
*Can you see my eggs?
*Do they look like colorful Easter eggs?
*Can you see if my inner child was eaten by my inner bitch giving birth to the demi-goddess I am now?
*What part of that didn't you understand?
*Can you see the remnants of what I ate yesterday?
*Can you tell if I have to go to the bathroom?
*So what if you're just x-raying my arm?
*How many fingers am I holding up?
*Are you sure it's not the middle finger?
*Can it see thru my fat?
*Is my funny bone still there?
*Does it look like a banana?
*Is my problem caused by teaspooning?
*Is that thing focusing on my boob?
*What do you mean I'm the worst patient you ever had?
Now, besides the big bottle of generic Tums, I had to go buy a big generic bottle of Tylenol Arthritis!! 'Why?' you ask.
Well, it turns out that, as brother Dan put it, my shoulder has lots of mileage! Thanks to many years of being the strongest girl you will ever meet, my rotator cuff has suffered some wear and tear and I will have days when my shoulder cannot support the weight of anything heavier than 15lbs!
The doc said if the Arty meds don't work, he'll give me Vicodin. There's that to look forward to I guess.
Wouldn't you think Andy would be all sympathetic and want to help me in any way possible? Oh noooooooooo, his first reaction was:
"Ha! Now's my chance to beat you at wrestling you one armed mutant!"
Yes, but then I'll get better for another few months and come back to whip his ass!
I can't help but thinking that I never had problems like these when I was 34!
Maybe if you click on Humor-Blogs I'll feel better.
I'll be incommunicado Friday and the weekend. If I don't visit your awesome blogs, that's why.
Why oh WHY do they make the bottles for ARTHRITIS medication SO HARD TO OPEN??