Watching the news Thursday night, there was a report on a new research saying relationships make you gain weight because you become comfortable with your partner.
New? Are you freakin' kidding me??
This has been common knowledge since Cavewoman Zanoogabooga bonked Caveman Sangrrr... focus people! By bonked I meant hit on the head with a club and yes, she was the aggressor.
Anyway, after she bonked him on the head with her red billy-club, dragged him home, had little cavekiddies, she gained a few pounds here and there.
Meanwhile her mom kept telling her she had to take care of her looks so Sangrrr wouldn't look at Betty in that way.
Dummies! How about they use that research money on important things like inventing unscuffable shoes.
So yeah, let's move on.
Recap of Bee and Andy's DAY OF LOVE! ♥♥♥
It started at approximately 12:01 AM on V-Day.
Bee:
::sigh:: Will you move over?
Andy:
Oh you're fine!
Bee:
Did you not read my Tablespoon-Teaspoon post?
Andy:
You're exaggerating!
Bee:
::sigh::
My strategy was to let him fall asleep and shove him as per usual.
10 minutes later. I shoved him, he woke up and locked me in tighter.
15 minutes later. I shoved him, he woke up and locked me in even tighter.
10 minutes later. I shoved him, he woke up...
Andy:
What? What??
Bee:
Can you move over please? Please??
Andy:
Where to the north?
Bee: [picture my face all kinds of confused]
What the fuck are you talking about just move!
Andy:
Yeah, but I need to know where? Towards north?
Bee:
North! East! Who gives a shit just move!
Andy:
::snore::
Yup! He was asleep.
I did what all nice girls do, I braced myself and with all four limbs shoved him to within an inch of the floor. In yer face!!
As you can imagine, my grouchy mood carried over into V-Day Morn.
Andy:
Okay, I'm going to work now.
Bee:
So?
As you can imagine, my grouchy mood carried over into V-Day Noon.
Andy: [on the phone]
You're making it up! I didn't say anything about moving North!
Not all was lost, I am currently sitting here at 11:47 pm having being granted an extension on my bedtime since I'm calling in sick tomorrow! Woohoo!!
Happy V-Day to me!
P.S.
Andy said he would not comment on my previous post since he thought my love letter was about him. :o{
Clicky for me.
The bed's supposed to face a certain compass direction, and you'll be guaranteed a great night's sleep. All you have to do is hire a very expensive Feng Shui consultant to move it into the right position.
ReplyDeleteso, did he get you anything ?
ReplyDeleteI guess my big dippy card is looking pretty good to you about now, huh?
ReplyDeleteI had a similar problem with Dan the other day, except the problem was his snoring. He was snoring right in my ear so I decided to move "South" to get away from him, but he moved right next to me. I tried moving again but he just followed, mind you he was sound a sleep. It was kind of cute but I wanted to sleep so I took my pillow and slept by his feet. Maybe you should try sleep by Andy’s feet, works for me.
ReplyDeleteDan's Wife
What happens in two days??
ReplyDeleteDid I tell you my MIL will be here at 4:30 today?
My house looks like it usually does with a few clean spots dug out.
It's family being together that's important, right?
Dear Bee,
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger, my mom would always have shows like Leave It To Beaver (they were reruns, I am not that old) and I would watch The Flintstones and I would always wonder why the married couples always had separate twin beds instead of sharing one. I didn't find out the answer to that question until I got married. Now I totally get it.
Love
Tracy
You should get twin beds and put them together. Then when he falls asleep you can push them apart. Best of both worlds don't you think?
ReplyDeleteThe Hacienda beds in our room where like that. Not that we pulled them apart or anything.
Brian:
ReplyDeleteI'd rather pay oney for Chinese food. mmmmmmm
Dan:
Heck no! And I loved it! Actually, he got me a good night sleep because I went to bed after he'd fallen asleep so he was on his side of the bed the whole night.
That's love man, tru love.
jean knee:
ReplyDeleteUh... sure?? I'd rather have your hair. ;o)
Dan's Wife:
The only thing Andy and I agree can touch his feet are his socks and shoes. I have anti-foot fetish.
jean knee:
ReplyDeleteI don't know. I don't. But I;m dying to find out an nobody will tell me!
Tracy:
Those were the good old days!
Nancy:
ReplyDeleteMaybe you can talk Andy into it but I doubt it...
less than an hour until...duh duhn
ReplyDeleteI have to have the house uhhhm, clean?
My MIL always comes wearing those white gloves and, every time, she soils them to the point of unwearable with the first thing she touches. will she never learn???
They used to have twin beds in films and on TV because of the rather strong censorship in the US.
ReplyDeleteCP:
ReplyDeleteIt's counting down to Monday 18th Feb 00:00 GMT.
Copy Protection? Whatever it is, I couldn't find it.
Maybe your blog will explode when it reaches 00:00:00
ReplyDeleteDear Bee,
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should have bought Andy one of those girlfriend pillows for Valentine's Day. Damn, if I could link in a comment I would tell you where to find it. Anyways. It's a pillow shaped like a girl's lap and the guy lays his head on her lap and they cuddle. They also have a boyfriend pillow but that doesn't seem to be the problem here. You know what? I'm gonna put it in a post just for you. Saw it on Ellen.
Love
Tracy
P.S. How in the hell do you link in a comment?? Oh and how do you make the hearts? Share with me your secrets wise one...
ReplyDeleteJust be all in-your-face about it and he'll back off. Be like,
ReplyDelete"Personal Space!!!!"
Or, "I prefer not to be strangled."
Or, "You know, I just could kick the crap out of you in your sleep."
Or, "Cool, it's a deal, tomorrow night I'll headlock you."
PS, Tracy:
ReplyDeleteHearts (like this: ♥) are & h e a r t s ; (without spaces).
Ah, the close sleeping...it's the only time my butt goes to work, getting pushy and demanding he move. Which is tough since it's like I'm sleeping with a furnace most of the time. Which is why I'm still sitting up at this point in the day. And rambling. Just rambling.
ReplyDeleteSounds very complicated.
ReplyDeleteBuild a wall made out of pillows.
yeah.
I shove Papi because he snores. Love hurts sometimes.
ReplyDeletePC and I are spooners. Professionally I think. We actually roll with each other all night long.
ReplyDeleteI used to love it and think it was really sweet until he started nearly smothering by practically laying on top of me instead of behind me.
Many a times has he found himself cuddling the body pillow instead :-D
So who did andy and bee blow to always be the first post listed on humorblogs?
ReplyDeleteI can't be the only person asking about this situation. Right?
Gerald:
ReplyDeleteWow! I find your desire to be number one admirable, I have to admit it.
Although it is one of my favorite past times, blowing smoke up people's asses has taken a back seat to having a life.
And yes, you have been the first to ask me why an old old post is always at the top of humor blogs, I'm assuming the rest of the people asked the right person, you know, the humor-blogs Founder-CEO-President.
If it makes you feel any better, our weather here in Chicago is worse than yours in Washington. Cheer up!
Oh, maybe next time you can leave the link to your blog so we can go visit you too.
Thanks for commenting!