Sunday, May 11, 2008

The joys of adult childhood.

Further proof that:

A) Andy and I should never be in charge of children
B) We are way way cool
C) We cannot be left unsupervised

Hopefully, when my mom comes back, our house will still be in one piece. Let me tell ya' why.

We had some left over branches from last year that we decided to burn. We finished our gardening duties and settled in for a nice little bonfire.
The majority of the branches were pine so we couldn't burn 'em in our indoor fireplace because of the butaniumfosoforitisnium in pine.

Okay, I don't know what the chemical is called but they strongly suggest you never ever burn pine in your fireplace because it may cause your house to explode.

For those of you who might not know, pine is HIGHLY combustible.

That flame was 7 feet high with just a couple of branches MEER INCHES FROM OUR GINORMOUS PINE TREE!

Don't worry, we survived. Sort of.

Then this awesome convo happened:

Stop harassing me or I'll throw your decorative wicker ball in the fire.
Oh please! You won't do it!

I'll do it!

Yeah right!

I'm not kidding! I'll do it!

[holds ball over fire]

So do it! I dare you!

I will! I'm serious!

Then do it!

I will and you'll be pissed!


So he did. And I laughed.

Then we made fun of my new butt cactus:

If you are, at this very minute, shaking your head thinking we are 'like sooo immature!' you're just jealous cuz we have, like, no responsibilities and stuff!

Sure, we have the mortgage and uh... other bills but... yeah, that's about it.

We can go wherever we want (as long as it's early and we're home before 7:00) (Seven PM). We can do whatever we want like watch stuff burn and not clean up the ashes for at least 2 days. Vacation anywhere in the world that doesn't involve traveling for more than 2 hours and one day we will!

We are so cool! ;op

You know, I never realized how much I depend on my left arm. Since I'm right handed, I just thought 'Phew! At least it wasn't my right shoulder!' But I didn't take into consideration all the other things I do around the house that require BOTH ARMS!

Sweeping? Ouch! Holding myself up while scrubbing my 500 gallon jacuzzi tub so I don't fall in? SUPER OUCH!!

Do you guys think my health insurance would cover a male maid? They'll pay for a nurse so I don't feel like I'm asking for too much.
If you want to be cool like us, please click on Humor-Blogs.


  1. FIRST!!! It's past midnight and I'm first...why? 'cause I have no responsibilities just like you!!! We were just saying today how cool it is to get up whenever and be in pajamas all day long. Why? 'cause we ain't got no responsibilities either! That rocks!! Makes you think twice about, you know, responsibilities..little ones. ;o)

    Glad you didn't burn the house down! Oh, and when do we come over for some TLC?

  2. Part of me is disappointed that the tree didn't catch fire. I bet the flames from that would have been really impressive. And it would have saved you having to burn more branches next year ;-)

    All this burning must be bad for the environment, though - couldn't you make baskets or chairs or whatever out of the wood?

    You'll need to get Andy to rig something up so that you can hang from the ceiling whilst scrubbing.

  3. Dear Bee,
    Wanna know what's funny? Even though your life is all carefree and without responsibilities, it sounds somehow a lot like mine!
    We don't take trips that take longer than two hours to get there because the kids go nutso after that amount of time in the car.
    We go out whenever we want as long as we're back by 7 pm because that's when it's bath and bed time.
    But boy you are so lucky to live such a carefree life. Wow, I am so jealous.

  4. lol does Andy still have his eyebrows after that one!?

  5. I LOVE playing with fire! Like the time I almost killed BoyChild when I put a lot of thorny rose branches in a metal trash can, sprinkled a little gasoline on it and then threw in a match and it exploded. But it wasn't nearly as cool as catching a whole tree on fire!!

  6. I missed the fire!!!! Man, that is not cool! You need to call us next time..

    Did you burn Natalia's pile of sticks? Cause if you did she will not be happy... :)

  7. Somehow you don't strike me as the decorative wicker ball type.

    Have you tried throwing in a piece of copper pipe to see all the pretty colors?

  8. Very funny! It's the teen in our family who plays with fire!

    And hey, I am cool like you. My posts have made Humor-blogs top three times in a row now and I'm convinced it's all in my titles.


    Call me next time it's Bonfire at The Bees. Ill bring some s-mores and weenies. andmaybeafewa-holepeoplei'dliketomakedisappear.

    What? what was that last part? Never mind.

  10. I picked up the most fabulous wicker love seat from someone's trash. I know it sounds shameful taking stuff from people's trash but these people have a million dollar home and the love seat is in fantastic condition.

    You know one man's trash is another Infidel's treasure.

  11. Wicker Ball Porno Film Club Of AmericaMay 12, 2008 at 10:05 AM

    "Oooohhh Bee, your wicker balls are on FIRRREEEE and so, so hawt!"

  12. Despite following Blogspot's links to add you as a friend, I cannot figure it out. Why? because I am a tard.I do like, however, that google has put an ad on how to get rid of bees on your page. When u have a second, can u tell your new tool friend how to do it?

  13. I only have three things to say about this:

    a. I would have still tried to roast a marshmallow on that flame

    2. It would have burnt

    VII. I want a butt cactus. I have a bunch of cacti but could always use a good backend one. I mean really, that just CRACKS me up.

  14. My right arm hurt so bad this weekend, Bee. From my fingertips to my shoulders. I believe I was having sympathy pains for you! If so, I give you credit for enduring. I wanted to cut the damn thing off with a dull knife!

  15. my cactus doesn't have a butt

  16. Why do you have to be back home by 7pm?
    I'm hearby (thru my powers) putting a Voodo curse on you my sister. You will birth two children before you hit forty.

    If you're nice to me I'll lift the curse.

  17. Crazy Ez:
    Isn't that the life!
    I'll see you Saturday.

    No! My pine tree is AWESOME!

    I laughed so hard when I pictured myself hanging from a set of pulleys scrubbing the bathroom!

    Andy goes nutso after 2 hours in the car and plus we have the dogs. Mocha does good on trips but Tazz throws up.

    You mean eyebrow? Yup! :o)

    Ha! You should have thrown a couple of 1/4 sticks in there too!

    Sorry, it was right after we did gardening. She saw her sticks on Sunday. We're all good.

    Nah, these were outside wicker lights I bought at Target for $2.99.
    We once threw in some treated wood and were all 'Ooh Ahh' but then they told us we were inhaling poison... that actually explains allot.

    Fire is sooo hypnotizing.

    You are SO ON! And bring 'em, I'll throw them in!
    Rich people throw out the nicest things!

    We buddies now.

    I took the picture with my cell but inside the butt is another BUTT!! How awesome is that?

    I am enduring and not being mean to anybody at all. I'm being my usual sweet self.

    jean knee:
    too bad. Cactus Butt is just hilarious!

    Then I'll put you in my terrarium!

  18. I'm not lifting the curse !!!!!!


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.