The mystery of the missing BIG sausage. + Milton the tyrannical staple dictator. (Like Tales from the Crypt... only scarier!)

Time: 8:45

Bee walks into the kitchen for some coffee and almost collides with a very upset Cowardly Lion.

CL:
I had a big sausage in the fridge, do you know who took it?

Queen of Sausages
Bee:
Nope. My alibi is that I don’t like big sausage. Or even little sausage.

CL:
I was going to cut it up and put it out today as a treat! Now it’s gone! How can a big sausage disappear???

[I snort but decide to mind my own. Getting involved always backfires]

CL:
I left it right here! [points somewhere towards space] Behind the cheese!

Bee: [serious face]
So, to recap, you brought a big sausage so you could cut it up. You placed the big sausage behind the cheese and now that big sausage has disappeared?

CL:
Do you think this is funny? I have no sausage now!

Bee:
Yes, I think it’s funny. I also thank the lord the cheese is still there!
.
Don’t worry you guys, the sausage was later found. It turns out somebody moved it to fit some sort of mushroom salad. To recap again, at one time, in the mini fridge, there was a big sausage, cheese and fungus. I lost my appetite.
.
I did have some crackers, those were safe from all controversy.
.
Scene Two:

I spoke to a patient yesterday (because he was stupid and selected the wrong extension) who wanted to confirm his appointment. When he came in today, he mentioned it to CL (receptionist) and had a couple of questions so he wanted to speak to me again but he couldn't remember my name.

Patient:
I spoke to someone yesterday with an unusual name but I don’t remember it.

CL: [I’m using fake names but they are comparable to the real names]
Was it Mary?

Patient:
No, more exotic. [? exotic??]

CL:
Was it Mandy?

Patient:
No, more unusual.

CL:
Jan?
.
I got tired of this game of ‘name 20 knuckleheads’ so I went up there.
.
Patient:
Oh right! BIANCA!

I wouldn't say my name is as unusual as it was some time ago but it is more uncommon than all the peeps that work at the Asylum. Goes to show CL's uh... intelligence?
.
And the curtain closer:

I have a mini tiny teeny little stapler. This means that the regular sized strip of staples won’t fit in it so I have to break a piece and put that in my stapler. But! Sometimes I misjudge the piece and have to remove a staple or two in order for it to fit.

Guess who caught me throwing out an unstapled staple?

I had no idea Milton was watching me as I loaded my stapler but when she saw me fling the lone staple into the garbage can…

Milton:
How many of those do you throw out?

Bee:
::sigh:: Not allot. Sometimes I judge it right and don’t throw any out.

Milton:
Have you thought about saving them and maybe using them once you’ve used up a few staples?

Bee:
Honestly, I don’t care enough.

Milton:
Would you mind saving them for me and I’ll use them?

Bee:
I do mind because I already have too many things on my mind.

Milton:
This is a perfect example of our wasteful society—

Bee:
Tell you what. Every time I’m out of staples, I’ll ring a bell for you to come running and reload it for me. While you’re doing that, I’ll take a walk around the block and pick up all the litter. Then I’ll separate it and recycle it on the roof while I’m planting trees in the abandoned lot. Does this sound reasonable to you? This way, I can do my part in helping society change it's wasteful ways!

Milton:
...

I win.
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Have a great weekend people! Andy and I are taking the niece to the Chicago Botanic Gardens and I'll be so overwhelmed with the need to replicate their gardens, I'll probably have my nose stuck in plants and flowers the whole holiday weekend! How's about you click on Humor-Blogs for me? I'll make ya' famous!