Wednesday, May 14, 2008
I find your desire to kill ME extremely annoying.
I think Andy is trying to kill me!!!
Are you done clapping? No? Okay, I'll give you a couple more minutes... ... ...
Done? Okay. Let's move on shall we?
I really do think he's trying to kill me!
Here was my first clue:
Bee, I think I'm going to try changing the oil in you car myself.
Why? Jiffy Lube* always does a great job!
Don't worry, it's just oil.
Bee: [a frown creasing my smooth brow]
THEN!! CLUE #2
Bee, I might as well rotate your tires too. All I have to do is move the front ones to the back, back ones to the front.
Uhmmm... I don't think that's a good idea. I mean, what if you miss a couple of lug nuts? You might send my car spinning into the river. When I hit a pothole. While I'm doin' 65 in a 45.
Nah, you'll be okay. The river isn't so deep around that area.
Bee: [GENUINE FEAR IN MY EYES]
Can you ask my brother to help you?
CLUE NUMERO TRES!
I was thinking I should try changing your brakes too.
Bee: [running to hide my car keys]
No! No no no. Now you've gone to far! You've lost your mind! No.
It's no big deal! I talked to some guys that said all you have to do is change the whatsit pads blah blah look like an accident blah blah.
Andy? Haven't I been the perfect wife? Haven't I encouraged you in every way possible? We've had some good times, right? WHY DO YOU WANT TO KILL ME?? Won't you miss my constant mocking?
Andy: [scratching his head]
Are you serious or just overreacting?
What about when the dogs attack you? Who will save you if I'm ashes are on your night stand?? [I've decided that's where I want to be]
Bee! I'm changing the oil, rotating, the tires and changing your brakes. Nothing will happen to you because I obviously pissed off some deity at one time so our lives will be intertwined until the day I DIE!
I have to admit, that was a very compelling argument!
... Still, if you don't hear from me again, maybe you should call the police?
*Jiffy Lube? Seriously?? who came up with that name? K-Y? Maybe if you click on Humor-Blogs we'll get some answer!
I just saw a picture of Burt Reynolds nahhked(from the 70's I think)!! Was his father a gorrilla?? Uh... I meant because he's hairy.