Wednesday, May 14, 2008

I find your desire to kill ME extremely annoying.

I think Andy is trying to kill me!!!

Are you done clapping? No? Okay, I'll give you a couple more minutes... ... ...

Done? Okay. Let's move on shall we?

I really do think he's trying to kill me!

Here was my first clue:

Bee, I think I'm going to try changing the oil in you car myself.

Why? Jiffy Lube* always does a great job!

Don't worry, it's just oil.

Bee: [a frown creasing my smooth brow]


Bee, I might as well rotate your tires too. All I have to do is move the front ones to the back, back ones to the front.

Uhmmm... I don't think that's a good idea. I mean, what if you miss a couple of lug nuts? You might send my car spinning into the river. When I hit a pothole. While I'm doin' 65 in a 45.

Nah, you'll be okay. The river isn't so deep around that area.

Can you ask my brother to help you?


I was thinking I should try changing your brakes too.

Bee: [running to hide my car keys]
No! No no no. Now you've gone to far! You've lost your mind! No.

It's no big deal! I talked to some guys that said all you have to do is change the whatsit pads blah blah look like an accident blah blah.

Andy? Haven't I been the perfect wife? Haven't I encouraged you in every way possible? We've had some good times, right? WHY DO YOU WANT TO KILL ME?? Won't you miss my constant mocking?

Andy: [scratching his head]
Are you serious or just overreacting?

What about when the dogs attack you? Who will save you if I'm ashes are on your night stand?? [I've decided that's where I want to be]

Bee! I'm changing the oil, rotating, the tires and changing your brakes. Nothing will happen to you because I obviously pissed off some deity at one time so our lives will be intertwined until the day I DIE!

I have to admit, that was a very compelling argument!

... Still, if you don't hear from me again, maybe you should call the police?

*Jiffy Lube? Seriously?? who came up with that name? K-Y? Maybe if you click on Humor-Blogs we'll get some answer!
I just saw a picture of Burt Reynolds nahhked(from the 70's I think)!! Was his father a gorrilla?? Uh... I meant because he's hairy.


  1. Oh Oh BEE...

    I remember whenever my EX worked on my car he would always yell out to me as I drove off...

    "Call me if umm when you get there, just to make sure"

    Anyway on a lighter note I am first again!!!!

  2. YES.

    The deities are with me tonight.

  3. NOOOOO!!!!

    I was first!!!

  4. No fair :(


    Anyway, it's not about me but about you 'cause this is your blog and Andy is trying to kill you or whatever.

  5. To NCS not your murderous hubby

    cross that your loving hubby!

  6. Thanks for not laughing at me.
    I don't think I could take it after losing 1st place.AGAIN.

    I hope Andy doesn't kill you Bee.
    I still want to read all about his dolls.ActionFigures.

  7. I wouldn't get worried until he starts talking about making sure you've enough life-insurance, or offers to do the cooking...

  8. First - I don't think I'd EVER need to worry about Babycakes offering to do any of what Andy did, BUT I'd have the same reaction if he did. Yikes!

  9. All of this reminds me of that old joke.

    WOMAN ON DEATHBED: Before I die, Harold, I have a confession to make. I was unfaithful to you.

    HUSBAND: That's okay Mabel, I forgive you. I have a confession to make, too.

    WOMAN: Whatever it is my darling, I'll forgive you.

    HUSBAND: It was me that poisoned you...

  10. You know, now that I think of it, this isn't good. I'm slipping down the comment chain and pretty soon I will be one of those forgotten commenters that nobody replies to. I must do better next time!

    Anyways, my brother is a mechanic and I used to hang out in his shop with him, don't ask, there were hot guys, other than my brother. Shut up.
    And I don't think that rotating the tires is just that simple. Theres a whole thing where you have to change each tire off of it's metal thingy in the middle and then the front tire goes in the back on the opposite side and vice versa.
    Anyways, what I'm trying to say is "Please Andy, don't kill Bee!"

  11. I bet even the wives and girlfriends of the dudes who WORK at Jiffylube don't let them work on their cars in the driveway. So, when Andy's distracted with his action figures or his gaming, you run that car to Jiffylube and have them do you up good!

  12. It's posts like this one that make me thankful my husband is not too humble to have other people - namely professionals who have gotten the proper training and certification - to fix my cars, and house, and major applainces...although it does remind me of a couple conversations I've had with Misk about my computer.....*shudder* No! No!! THE HORROR!!

    (and um, ew, didn't they have body waxing in the 70's???? I watched that RocDoc too...)

  13. Not the brakes! That's how all good spy movies end. No brakes, big hill, fiery explosion.

    You'll be FREE ashes on the nightstand.

  14. after annalyzing Andy's comment. yess he is absolutely right, I'd feel safe if I were you

  15. Dudes, I don't mean to cause alarm, but those 16 year olds that work at Jiffy Lube go through like a 12 hour training course, and 8 hours of it are about how to get people to pay you $75 to stick your finger in their transmission. I kid you not. You're probably safer having your mom do it than Jiffy Lube.

  16. Meh, changing oil ain't rocket science but if he monkeys with the brakes, I'd test them out at 5 MPH in the driveway driving uphill. Just to be safe because what if he doesn't honor your wishes and you end up in the back of the closet instead of on the nightstand? What then?

  17. Hey...WTF? You can't reference a nude picture of a hairy man and then not deliver it...that's TOTALLY against blogging protocol!

  18. Hope your car survives.

    And if I remember--that pic of Burt Reynolds did have some nice attributes!

    Hop over and check out my post. I've joined "Bloggers Unite for Human Rights." A softer side of Med--soft of.

  19. Papi just changed my brakes and rotated the tires a few weeks ago. :0

    It's been a pleasure knowing you on this mortal coil, Bee.

  20. My mom used to make this cake in the 70's called 'The Next Best Thing To Burt Reynolds.'

    I didn't like it because it had coconut and nuts in it.

    Burt Reynolds probably does too and that's why I don't like him either.

  21. KY Jelly? You mean like Kentucky Jelly?

    Tastes great on biscuits!

  22. He's crazy. Don't let him do the oil change, if he does somthing wrong he'll kill your car.

    You should ask him to fix the lights in your house first.

  23. The lights dont need fixin.

    Its easy to work on cars unless you have been classified on your Driver's License aa blind or having no hands.

    Did we ever get that life insurance policy?

  24. On the nightstand, huh? Very close to the KY drawer, eh? Good thinking.

  25. With the price of gas so may want to consider riding your bike.

    Besides, it sounds safer.

  26. Bee...didn't your parents teach you not to touch the power lines with your car? Duh!

  27. Have you noticed everytime I comment in your blog I yell?

    Why is that Bee?

  28. Bee?
    Andy didn't kill you did he? Are you doing this just to scare us and make us worry about you so that you can feel all loved and what not?
    The lights flickered in my house earlier. Was that you saying good bye to me?

  29. Hmmm.
    I'm finding this most irregular.

    I'll click on humor-blogs 10 times and see if some magic happens.



Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.