Monday, May 5, 2008

Is that bird mocking me??? I'll clip its pecker!

Hope you enjoyed your Cinco, I know I did (Do you see that Crazy Ez? THAT IS A CORONA!)

I’m trying something new where I’m always on time for work. I know what you're thinking "What? Shouldn't you be at work on time?" For which I answer "You live your life your way, THE UNFUN WAY and I'll live my life my way, THE COOL GIRLS ARE NEVER ON TIME way'

So far, out of the 4 days I’ve attempted this drastic change to my natural habit of always being late, I’m 0 for 4.

I get up reasonably early at 6:40. I start at 8 and it takes me 5 minutes to get to work. How can this be such an impossibility for me?? I should be able to shower, change, lacquer my face, style my hair, take the dogs out, grab my lunch, bring the dogs inside and leave! I know there are working moms out there that have to do way more than that and manage to be at work on time! What is my malfunction??

I really want to know!

Don’t tell me to wake up at an ungodly hour like 6:15 or something foolish because I’ve tried that! The earlier I’ve gotten up the more things I think I can do before I leave for work.

This morning alone is a perfect example. When I finished doing all that goes along in perfecting my look, I looked at the time and it was 7:50- perfect! I ran out of the bathroom, took the dogs out, grabbed my lunch stuff, went to get the dogs but Mocha was too busy chasing a friggin bird! I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to chase an unruly dog around in heels trying not to scuff ‘em but it’s:

a) not a pretty sight
b) nearly impossible to catch the wiley little bitch when she thinks you’re playing c) sad that you’re cool shoes are now wet from the dew (I hope it was dew and not dog piss !!! )

I don’t know about you but I’m not used to birds teasing my pets. For a minute there, I thought I might be in a cartoon where the bird is the hero and we (the damn nutty dog and I) are the screw up chumps!

NEEDLESS TO SAY!! I punched in at 8:12. Not too bad I guess since my worst time is 8:47 but my best time in those 4 days was 8:06. I'll try again tomorrow…

When I got to work and was discussing with Glynda some of the business from the Friday meeting (she seems to be over my little power coupe) she mentioned she’d been watching Zorro and realized I look like Catherine Zeta Jones.

First my face went like this (picture it mouth open and shocked)

Next my face went like this (picture it blushing, we have established I blush at the drop of a penny)

Then my face went like this (picture it skeptical, raised eyebrows looking exceptionally quizzically)

Lastly my face went like this (picture it nodding in understanding)

I think she needs glasses. It’s about that time for her when her eyesight goes all wonky. The reason I know this is because if I did have a double, it would be Drew Barrymore since that's what the Internet gods told me but you be the judge.

EXCEPT DAN! He has always said I look like Lars Ulrich when his hair was long. I remember the first time he said that to me. We were sitting in the food court at Lincolnwood Mall and he had just bought their new CD. You see how much it traumatized me?? I remember every detail! I cried into my pillow that night. I cried because of the meanness that surrounds my noble soul when all it desires is goodwill to all mankind!!

Anyway, here you go:


I'm always on time for fun stuff. Movies, free food, free booze. FIRST ONE THERE!

I personally don't think I look like any of them and am my own unique person. Okay, maybe I do look like Lars. (picture my face sad and crying... again) I'll stop if you click on Humor-Blogs for me!


  1. First!! Give poor Andy his beer back. Can't you see he's trying to celebrate cinco de mayo!

  2. My Andy only drinks imported beer from Alemania or Polandia. Corona eez naught goot enuf for heem.

  3. Lars looked like such a goober.

    We were supposed to see Iron Man last weekend, but my wife made me go to our friends' house. :( I'm going this weekend with or without her.

  4. for some reason I cannot join the "get to work early club" myself..personally I enjoy the chaos of speeding through traffic scarffing down my bagel and cursing other drivers out, it just adds to my excitement for the day!

  5. Give me a heartastroke, Woman! My name's Dan.:)

    "When I finished doing all that goes along in perfecting my look"
    There lies all your troubles! That is not unique to you. That is something inherited at birth, and polished watching Mommy, until the big are ready to do it YOURSELF! The time span for such event runs anywhere from 3 or 4 hours, to "Get the hell out of here! I don't care if you might die waiting for me!"

    This isn't said in the least bit chauvinistic manner. It just comes from the experience of an old married man that has seen barrels of make up come, and barrels of make up go.......

    And where's all my cookies??? I want a lawyer!!

  6. The solution is simple - you need to talk Oz into laying on free food and booze.

    Which of those pictures is Lars and which CZJ?

  7. you need to get up later and rush around more. I guarantee you'll get there earlier, it's a scientific fact

  8. Diesel:
    That clinches it! I am Lars.

    I really enjoyed Iron Man but then again I liked the first Hulk movie too.

    Ha! I feel the same adrenaline rush when I trying not ride piggy back on the slow moe in front of me!

    TFWY AKA Dan:
    Listen, my war paint is what separates me from the beasts. Without it, I’d really look like Lars.
    For fun things I’m the one tapping my foot trying to get the hubs to hurry.
    He leaves getting ready until the very last minute with the excuse that he’ll be done in 10 minutes. Killing one more Ogre is very important ya’ know?
    Me, I know I take long so I start my grooming as soon as the sun rises and leave a whole hour to do his manly thing.

    What kinda cookies do you like? Chocolate chip?

    JEAN KNEE!!:
    I swear that’s true! If I wake up late and run around bumping into everything I still get here at the same time!

  9. TFWY:
    Also, I dip lawyers in chocolate milk for fun. ;o)

  10. When I was in high school everyone said I looked like Shannon Doherty. Then I cut my hair short and they said I looked like Winona Ryder. Now they just kind of blink at me.

  11. Marie:
    That's funny because I get other comparisons too depending on my hair style.

    Every time I see your picture, I'm reminded of Mia Wallace from Pulp Fiction. Not Uma Thurman, her character Mia Wallace.

  12. Getting to work on time is impossible; that's why I found a job with loosely defined hours -- work 8 hours and you're good. Probably explains why the pay isn't that fantastic.

  13. Sornie:
    Do we work at the same place?
    I never get in trouble for being late either because they know I'll stay until I have my 8 hours.

    They pay me in hugs.

  14. I'm so paranoid about being late that I end up places so freakin' early I have to drive around like some sort of stalker, perhaps listening to a lame and long ass Metallica song to kill the time. In the end, I then end up late to wherever it was I was going.

  15. Luckily I love Metallica ergo you must be OK in my book. ; )

  16. I was right then, you do look like Lars when he was more manly looking. The new older Lars looks to fagety to look like you.

  17. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

  18. FADKOG:
    Even for work?? Be late for work, you won't get in trouble. ;op

    Well I am okay. Some would say I pretty cool. Those some are my niece and my mommy.

    We are going to have a royal rumble where I Superfly kick your ass!

  19. I'm going to imagine your face going like this (picture it)

  20. I put beer in my hair. But then people made fun of me, so I don't anymore.

    You wouldn't amke fun of me, would you Bee?


  21. You should tell Oz Cinco de Mayo is the holiday of your peoples and that you should get to come in at a leasurely plus a complementary meal.

    It's for our peoples!!

  22. OMG hilarious. You so don't look like Lars - CZJ all the way, baby!!!!!!

    I'm always on time for the fun stuff too. Parties: First to arrive, last to leave. Office: Last to arrive, first to leave.


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.