Friday, April 11, 2008

Your girl Friday... just don't tell Andy.

-Day 101. I'm not that girl from Freaky Friday any more! I'm a real adult. In fact, I hate children! I hate them all!- Lindsay Lohan (Wow, this chick is deeeeeep!)

I decided to break my one week tradition and have Fuck off Fridays on a Saturday on a Friday. OZ is on vacation and the rest of the office staff is off except for me and two other people (CL & Glynda). There probably won't be too much to be pissed off about. Anyway, I'll see what I can do to bring my bad mood to your living space.

I had to leave work at noon Thursday to drive my mom somewhere governmentally related. I told Glynda I’d hopefully be back in 3 hours. You guys have been to places like that, right? They're assholes just because there's air!

I went in there, ready for battle with my “fuck you all” face a mere hairline trigger away!

Do you know what happened? The governmentals were NICE to us!



We were only there for half an hour!
I sat back and let this phenomena wash over me like warm rain in the summertime.
Speaking of summertime! Since I can’t tell the governmentals to Fuck off cuz they were nice… I want to send out a special warm wish to my good old friend Mother Nature.
Mother Nature, I wish you would just let us live in peace. This whole prank you’re pulling of either giving us 10 feet of snow or 1 gazillion gallons of water? Not funny!
I’m about to get all close and personal with my river and to tell you the truth, I don’t need to know what size undies it wears.

I’m okay with worshipping it from afar while I speed down my street running over squirrels and skunks.
We’re good. I promise not to put a canoe on it and it promises not to damage my worldly possessions and stink up my yard!

Thanks to you, IT’S RISING AGAIN! And not the good kind of rising that we first learned about in Grease via Rizzo’s dirty mouth. No, this kind of rising benefits nobody. Not even the woodland creatures that drink its water.

I know I know “April showers BLAH BLAH BLAH”

Just Fuck off, okay?

Love you to death,


AND!! To the OVERAGED!! Bat that took one of my
beauteous pens, I WANT IT BACK... YESTERDAY! I don't know who it was, I just know it was on my desk before I left to go to the Governmental errand and when I came back, it was gone! Don't take a girl's pen when that is the only thing keeping her in a quasi lucid state! Don't do it! Fuck off! You know?

The dreaded wedding is tomorrow. I’m scaurd. Andy didn't go to the
Bachelor Party. Not even after I begged him to shower and go. I want him smelling clean for the hoochies. I can't have them saying my man ain't clean.



  1. BTW

    HOT shoes!

    reward yourself for going to the wedding and socializing!!


  2. It sounds like waders might be a better investment :-( I hope not...

    You need some booby-trapped pens - ones specially primed to fire ink into the face of anyone trying to use it. Then you'll find out who the pen thief is.

  3. Do you know that we live miles from the nearest river or stream and yet I still manage to find ways to worry about flooding?
    Anyways, I hope the river doesn't invite itself into your house and I hope you get those shoes. They rock!

  4. Texas is somewhat dry, however the wind'll kick yer ass but I welcome all

    Pens: maybe you could attach the pen to a huge, uhhm, object of your choice (my mass is out of the choosing however, although huge;too far away) and then they'd have to gnaw the tether to get the pen, which the stress of will give 'em extra rocketing flatluence which will alert you to the attemted theft. Except if you're not there you can't smell it so , sorry I don't have any advice

  5. Do not be startled.
    I have your pen.
    I am holding it for ransome.
    Don't believe me?
    I will snap off the pretty silver clip and mail it to you.

    It does write nice though.
    Maybe I'll keep it.

  6. Nice and government are two words that should not be used together.
    Don't let them fool you. Just because you got a smile from them, doesn't mean they didn't screw up all the paperwork as soon as you left!

    Sorry to hear Andy wussed out on the hoochie convention.

  7. The great thing about Texas is all the BBQ, beautiful women, and bible-beating, moralistic conservatism. The worst thing about Texas is that last thing that was good (I snuck it into the good category to ruffle feathers, then I called it bad for the same reasons...I am a slippery jack of all trickery trades).

    BTW, Bee:

    Kinda disappointed in the lack of true rage. Someone call her an idiot so we can let some real hate flow through the blogosphere (which I'd like to start calling the BLOGODOME!)


    I can't help it!! I am just not crabby today. Hopefully next Friday will be better. :o)

    I'm trying to get people to audition to be my arch nemesis but nobody wants to take me up on it.

    I think it's because I'm just too cute and cuddly.

  9. Did the governmental office at least smell like someone's butt? That always seems to get my fury going.

    By the way, the Lilo quote today was classic. I'm not a very crafty person, but I'm thinking this weekend I might stencil that on the wall over my daughter's crib in hopes it'll keep her humble.

  10. It's a vicious circle, Bee.

    Those are the kind of shoes that can make you money as a dancer but in order to buy them you must dance but you don't have the perfect shoes to make a lot of money.

    It's sort of a stripperish version of The Gift Of The Magi.

    I'm a prude who wears Birkenstocks. I think all heeled-shoes look stripperish. I'm not implying that YOU are stripperish. :)

  11. Sell the kidney...they're overrated...

  12. Those shoes have done something to me that has me thinking dirty thoughts. Those shoes probably don't mind,though. Those are some hot shoes.

  13. M:
    I should but part of the fun is getting them on sale. They are sooo pretty!

    Ha! You said booby! :o)

    I hope so too but it keeps rising. :o(

    There are big bugs in Texas.

    jean knee:
    Ha! I should crazy glue it to my desk and just laugh when they try to pick it up!

    I'll get you my pretty! And your little dog too!

    Governmental Bastards!

    I begged him to go but he wants to hold it over my head forever and ever. He just might be a genius!

    What's a donzer:
    It smelled like wet dog. And I think that was me since I had to take me cellphone back to the car in the rain. They don't allow cellphones...????

    You discovered my dirty little secret! I used to go by the stage name "Lopsided Leboob"

    I read that as you volunteering to donate one in case I need it. Yes?

    They can read your thoughts!


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.