Tuesday, April 22, 2008

By George, I think I've lost it!!

More ranting.
I’m sorry. I thought I was okay but I’m obviously still festering the hate within my gut!

Glynda came in and told me OZ wants me to walk to Subway and get his fuckin' sandwich! Last I checked I wasn’t in the catering business!! I was going to say no but it’s so beautiful outside, I thought it’d be good to step out for a minute.

Right before I left I was told 3 times BY THREE DIFFERENT PEOPLE that someone needed help with translating. I've said how much I love helping people that really need me. I know it goes against my cantankerous personality but I don't mind at all.

But! Having one person after another come remind me about it really pisses me off! Do you know how much they used to pay for a translator before my humble little butt worked here? $120 AN HOUR!!

If Oz made them wait too long and the translator was here for an hour and ten minutes, they'd have to pay $240 for TWO HOURS!

Here I am, cheap labor getting sandwiches and translating for peanuts! Well, not peanuts. More like almonds or cashews or whatever might be a couple of steps up above peanuts.

Don't worry, my payback was devilishly genius. I went into the exam room with the most noxious banana breath evah!

I know you're surprised at this unladylike behavior coming from me but you know my lady-ness is just an act. I spit and scratch like the rest of you!

Anyway, when I went to buy his highness his sandwich. I noticed I was wearing my very comfortable but ugly skechers. They are so old and raggedy, I couldn't even find a picture of them online!

I've decided to wear these shoes for the whole week until somebody asks me if I'm insane for wearing casual shoes to the office. Then I can respond by saying "You force me to do things like this when you send me across an empty lot full of woman eating geese that would love to have a piece of my bacon butt! I have to run as fast as my short legs will carry me across that God forsaken poop filled lot with ginormous sink holes so fuck off!"
Uh... well I won't tell them to fuck off because it's not Friday so maybe I'll say 'bugger off!' I was watching About a Boy this weekend and English people who talk American make me laugh.

Sadly, I don't think anybody will say anything to me after my outburst last week. You know what? I fear I'm becoming one of those eccentric people who walks by and gets 'hellos' but then people start talking about them once they leave saying how they used to have a brilliant mind but they had an explosion of neurons which made them go INSANE!

The only discrepancy in that theory is that I STILL have a brilliant mind. I just need to Windex it a little bit.

Add to that the fact that my beloved Andy has contracted the most heinous of virus-es-es-es! He is now coughing like Zoolander after a day in the mines declaring he has black lung.

He coughs twice and then meows- COUGH cough meow! The poor little bunny!
This morning, when he was looking for love, sympathy and support I told him to get off his pity pot and go to work like the rest of us! Then I fell asleep for another hour and debated coming in to work. Hey! Nobody said life was fair!
If I remember correctly, back when I was 30 something, my favorite quote was 'life's a bitch and then you marry one!' well there you have it!

Zoolander's comical cough is at 2:24

Whatever man. I'll talk to you turkeys later. At the moment I'm trying to name all the air molecules dancing ballet in front of my face.

Danaher Companies specifically Videojet can go suck monkey balls! You have to wonder what kind of morons can run big corporations with their heads so far up their asses! FUCKWADS!


  1. i think you should drop "his highness" sammich in the geese poop a few times...

  2. Hello, Bee!

    (You know, she used to have such a brilliant mind...)

    As long as they only say it behind your back, it's not so bad.

    I can't imagine that the bats know what a neuron is.

    Come to think of it, what is a neuron?

  3. April:
    Oh how I have thought about it!

    Neurons are the little nervous people that run around in your head.

  4. When you said "I scratch just like the rest of you" you didn't mean me right? Because I'm not. Just saying.

    And I didn't know that it was Fuck Off Friday on a Saturday on a Tuesday! These days come so fast!
    I would like to send a shout out hearty "FUCK OFF" to Jill who still won't leave my daughter alone and makes her cry EVERYDAY. I'm starting to think that I might have to kick Jill's mom's ass.

  5. Bacon Butt?
    Ask for a raise.

  6. Tracy:
    :o( I know how powerless you must be feeling! Jill is going to go from a little beyotch to a big one!

    Weeeeeell... I like bacon ergo my butt.

  7. Hey! I have a bacon butt too! Awesome!


    Hope today is better darling. And next time you get a sandwich errand..just have them put sport pepper juice on there! No evidence and still evahl ;-)

  8. I wouldn't get upset about the sandwich, it's nice out take your sweet time getting there and back. Remember you are getting paid for your walk.

    I go to the post office everyday and I just take my sweet time and enjoy being out of the office.

  9. I stand at the window at the store and think about what it is like for people who are outside, not having to answer stupid questions or do lame things. If you look close (sans banana breath), you might notice a little tear running down my cheek some days. So, I'm saying, I'd want to go outside, but not to do something that wasn't for me!

    Did you sing that annoying $5 footlong jingle in your head when you had to go get that sandwich? I'm ready to throw down on the person who came up with that jingle. I'm off Subway because of it, dammit!

  10. Chris:
    Yup! Bacon is my drink of choice! ;op
    The subway asks me everytime I go if I'd like him to accidentally drop it and I tell him to ask me again next time. ;o)

    Yeah but sometimes I feel so freakin' degraded.
    Funny thing is, I got a raise Friday without even realizing it until Glynda pointed it out today.

    When I got there, I asked for a 12 foot sub instead of 12 inch I don't know WHAT I was thinking!

    I found a hair in my chicken wrap last week. This has made me never want Subway ever again! Damn that Jared!

  11. Jared is pure evil, never forget it.
    he used to sell dope when he was in college.

  12. JEAN KNEE:
    HE WAS ALSO PORN KING. Go figure!

  13. it's not goog tono notice a raise.

  14. it's not good to not notice a raise.

  15. I hate when the sandwich artist ruins a perfectly good sub with a pube. And, even though you get to get fresh air, fresh air is always fresher when it's on your own terms, huh?

  16. Donzer:
    Yeah but you gotta wonder where they get their lunch meat.

    Now I'm reminded of the chicken leg in "Waiting..."

  17. I may have dissed Jared just now. It might have been porn instead of dope pushing. anyway he was bad I just can't remember the details

  18. Did you know it's Jove not George?

  19. jean knee:
    He's still a perv.

    Who the fuck is Jove?? I know a George but no Jove. How about you shutty??

  20. By Jove what a BITCH!

  21. Hold on, you forgot proud!

    Tell your friends!

    Please ignore the comments of the cowardly.

  22. Hey, have you seen the salad bowl made out of bacon?
    The one I saw was in Chris' maxim magazine and it had eggs in it. I would want my bacon bowl filled with bacon. Yum!


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.