You know what I learned this weekend? That I can't trust you guys! You told me the wedding would suck and I'd cry all night while hiding under the table! You lied to me! Here I trusted you and instead you abused our friendship and exploited my anti-social fears.
You should be ashamed of yourselves!
What? You thought I'd take the blame for building up the dreaded wedding and then actually enjoying it? Then you don't know me very well!
It began shaky when Andy introduced me to his coworker:
"Bee this is the other Andy, this is my wife"
I shook his hand and said "Wow! I bet it's not annoying to keep getting called 'the other Andy'!"
SILENCE! No, not silence, I could hear crickets chirping.
Hey man, if I hit a nerve, say so! man up and tell people you don't like being in my Andy's shadow! (everybody was calling him 'the other Andy')
Luckily, my ego is such that I just shrugged my shoulders and moved on to spread my foot-in-the-mouthness elsewhere.
Anyway, the food was excellent (I threw caution to the wind and ate the asparagus! It was so delish, I'll live with the consequences.), the champagne was outstanding (I normally don't like it but this one was sooooo yummy!) the music was fanfuckintastic (Sinatra, Dean Martin, and all the good oldies).
I sat next to Andy's friend Jerry (not his real name, same guy who offered to pay me $1000 for a night with Andy) and his girlfriend. Andy's boss is even nuttier than OZ. He ran out of silverware so he decided to lick Jerry's forks and claim them! He also kept pointing out boobage while his wife was sitting next to him.
By the way, I lost count at how many times guys said "Ouh!" to each other.I had the honor of meeting Andy's Vinny. Yeah, he's hot but my Andy is way hotter. When I told him that he said "Oh, it's his hair. It's too long. He looks better with shorter hair." ... ... ... I know you're thinking it but you better not dare say it!
We drove home listening to TheOffspring and blasting "Pretty fly for a white guy!" perfect end to the evening.
In other news.
There have been cougar sightings in a suburb near me. The police are asking the public not to go near the animal and call them immediately. In case they need a picture to ID it, I found one for them.
(Scary fact, she was born 11/11/62 EXACTLY TEN YEARS OLDER THAN I AM!)
I know it's only April but I'm already declaring the worst song of the year as being Madonna's new song 4 minutes. For some reason it reminds of Chipotle's Burrito Lady. And they made their commercial frist! That's all I'm saying.
I say hey hey hey Burrito Lady! You drive me crazy! Burrito Lady.