Friday, April 4, 2008

Almost 7 years and we could be unhappier!♥

-Day 94.- Quote of the 'effing day! Katie from the Real World Road Rules (yeah I still watch it and I'll probably be watching it when I'm in my 80s, so?)
"If I'm gonna talk shit about you? I like to see the reaction on your fucken face when I say it!"
That had me in stitches! Especially because I had just told Milton something along those lines after our morning meeting regarding all the office back stabbing!
I realized today that my anniversary is in 12 days! TWELVE!!
The hubs and I will have been married for seven long years.
I think our relationship is doing okay. We have our crazy blow out fights where I call him a brain donor and he calls me a vicious harpie but then we take those insults and turn them into compliments and then kiss and make up. So alls good.

I'm always amused when people who've been married longer (or even those who've been married a shorter time than we have) give us advice.
I think they forget that I am nothing like them. Andy also dances to the tune of his own drummer, a drummer that is always on an acid trip, a really bad acid trip, one where they chew the side of their face for FUN!
Anyway, the only way we could be called a perfect couple is if we're compared to
Sid and Nancy. We're about two steps up from them. Except for the beating, everyone needs a good beating every once in a while.
They say to me "Oh, you guys are still young and in love. Give it a few more years and you'll really fight!"
You mean, it's gonna get worse? I have to keep buying dinner plates because they end up shattered to pieces and part of my mosaic project. To be honest, they're in the back porch waiting for me to LEARN the Art of Mosaic. I'll be famous one day.
One of my favorites is "You should let him win an argument every once in a while." To those people I say, you don't know my Andy. In his head, he always wins the arguments.
What I don't understand is, why? Why give me advice if I don't ask for it?
Unlike the other people that don't know what they're talking about, you can listen to my advice because I know it all. Here's a list of things I've learned about Andy... and men in general.
Print this list and put it somewhere where you'll see it. Better yet, memorize it and learn from my experiences.
1) Make him think everything is his idea.
Yup! That's it!
Also, he's a terrified of 18 pound Tazzer the Carnivorous.
Demi Moore and Bruce Willis' daughter Scouterella (I'm not sure what her name is but I know one of 'em is named Scout) came out in a show called Miss Guided. Does anyone else feel sad because she's so unattractive? Was that mean of me to say? Oh well, I calls 'em as I sees 'em!


  1. Shit!!! It took me until year 8 to figure that out. Ugh.

    All that wasted time! :(

    Now he treats me like a princess though, and I make him think it is all his idea. :D

  2. Perhaps you should invest in some nice metal plates.

    Or eat off frisbies.

  3. Well, seeing as how I've been married almost nine years, which is two years longer than you've been married (not that I'm counting)I feel that I can give you advice. Ready for it?

    No really, I just thought I'd pull the obvious funny joke since nobody else has yet.

    My grandmother and I were very close and she came and spent a month with us during the summer and she saw how Chris would walk around making all of these jokes that he thought were hilarious but drove me crazy.
    When her month was up and we were saying goodbye she wispered in my ear "Laugh at his jokes. Even though you don't think they're funny, he does them for you. He wants to make you laugh".
    I've never forgotten that. And even though I don't always think they're funny, nine years later I'm still laughing.

  4. I feel sorry for all ugly people.
    I only give advise when I'm asked.

  5. no, no, no. you've got it all wrong. rumor is the ugly one!

  6. Was it Rumor that came out? Are you talking about like "out of the closet" out?

  7. My ex and I always tried to follow the advice of couples with more experience than we had. And that turned out well, huh?

    I think the key to a successful marriage is insanity.


    P.S. Don't apologize for watching The Challenge. I'd watch a Coral Channel 24/7.

  8. well I have been married for 16 years and I can say this with utter conviction:

    no one knows what the hell goes on to create a marriage and if they did life would be so boring.

    I haven't seen the poor ugly thing

  9. I believe Poke got it right. the key to a successful marriage is insanity. Whatever insanity works for you.

    Also lots of love making.

    Sorry was that to much. :-)

  10. CHELLE B:
    Mine treats me like a buddy he can cuddle with. Ha ha he’s gonna be pissed when he reads that!

    I like your Frisbee idea! I can probably get them in all colors! I’m seriously going to look into it.

    Wise wise wise grandma! That’s advice I would definitely take!
    Andy can make me crack up but when I don’t get it, his face is still so comical I can’t help but laugh! And by comical I mean he sits there waiting with a weird little grin that makes his lip dimples show. He’s so cute. ;op

    That. is. what. makes. you. a. great. guy.

    Rumor! Yeah, I wasn’t sure what her name was. I guess I could have googled it but… meh. She has Bruce’s head with Demi’s features all in the center leaving wide open spaces on her face.

    Yes I guess it was Rumor. No, not out of the closet. She was on the show, in the show? Guest starred?

    Insanity, CHECK! Yup we should have a long and happy life together then!
    I’m actually disappointed when she doesn’t go on a challenge. Her best line (from memory, not verbatim), “These are doubles Ds! I could knock her out with one of my boobs!”

    jean knee:
    I can honestly say our life isn’t boring. Did I tell you about the time I slammed a fan against the wall when we were having an argument? ;op

    Love making? What’s that? Is it like baking?

  11. You know what I think is great? That you fight. I think every couple needs a good blow out once in awhile. When I hear people say they never fight, then I think they're living a lie.

  12. Letting him think it was HIS idea was his idea, I think.

    We just don't have role models like Sid and Nancy anymore.

  13. you want great role models just watch Who's afraid of Virginia Wolf.

    Taylor and Burton will never be surpassed


  14. He already thinks everything is his idea.

    We don't fight, truly. We've been married 7 years.

  15. I've been married 13 years.

    Wait. Let me do some quick math in my head.

    Yeah. 13. Good lord. I'd never have thought that was possible when I was all dreamy eyes at him at the alter.

    Anyway, my secret to the amazing 13 years? Rolling my eyes. Rolling my eyes and smiling sweetly at him when I talk to him over his attempts to watch Battlestar Galactica.

    Oh, and Scout? She's probably happy stepdaddy is a producer on that show, so her giant noggin could get on TV. Her range was amazing!

  16. Momo Fali:
    Then we are in tip top shape because we do have our blow outs! :o)

    You are so right!
    The best spoof of Sid and Nancy, Lisa and Nelson.

    jean knee:
    I think I've seen that movie. Oh no, that was Cat on a hot tin roof. I'll check it out.

    Then you guys are golden! ;o)

    Rolling the eyes! I forgot that one! I'm in danger sometimes of loosing an eyeball.

  17. The Demi Moore/Bruce Willis spawn is teh fugly. :( And they have horrible names, too.

  18. Papi and I have been married longer than my moms first two marriages combined.

    That's an accomplishment.

  19. The secret to a happy separate bathrooms.


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.