I recommend you go see this movie since I thought it was hilarious! The crotch shots were totally worth it! I am not going to explain that sentence..
Anyway, a few weeks ago, I had a horrible nightmare in which my dream of living in Hawaii went up in smoke because I was dipped in lava and... well, died.
After that, I decided maybe Hawaii was not the place to live out my last days on Earth. Maybe I could relocate my fantasy retirement somewhere less combustible.
But!
This movie was filmed in Hawaii and my fear of melting was quickly replaced with "Screw it! I've gotta die from something why not end up like all the food I enjoy, fried, charred, broiled, seared. There are worse ways to spend your twilight years."
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I have decided to stop lining my stomach with the very luxurious Tums since I am single handed-ly putting all the share holders' children thru college.
I am now buying the very generic form of antacid's which makes me lucky enough to buy more for my buck! (How sad is it that it made me so happy to figure out all the math in my head?)
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Do you see how big that thing is?? How long do you think it'll last me? Two weeks?
Sure the flavor takes me back to when I was in first grade and I accidentally ate the orange chalk we used for hopscotch.
Sure the flavor takes me back to when I was in first grade and I accidentally ate the orange chalk we used for hopscotch.
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By accidentally I mean somebody double dog dared me to eat it and I was stupid brave enough to do it.
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Luckily, I grew out of the double dog daring thing so DO NOT think you can double dog dare me to do something in the comments. If you do, I will resist your dares!
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Maybe.
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I double dog dare you to click on Humor-Blogs.
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P.S.
I didn't know Hopscotch had such a long and interesting history! I just thought some alcoholic addicted to scotch had issues walking in a straight line.
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P.P.S.
I wiki'd chalk and now I'm nauseous! I'm gonna go find Christina (the double dog dare-er) and kick her ass!
Mmmm. Sedimentary rock, limestone, and mineral calcite, huh? I prefer mine drenched in vodka.
ReplyDeleteOh, and heavily clicking for you, as always. :)
You could try pouring some of those pills into the volcanos.
ReplyDeleteThey'll never let our generation retire. With an aging population they'll just keep putting the age up.
When I was in first grade, I had to sit next to Jasper Riley at the reading table. One day he started crying and it turned out that another kid dared him to stick a piece of chalk up his nose so he did but then he couldn't get it out. They had to call his mom and he had to go to the ER.
ReplyDeleteThe next day for show and tell, Jasper brought the enormous tweezers they used to get the chalk out of his nose.
It was awesome.
I was born in Hawaii, and then, while I was still too young to fight them, my parents ripped me from the tropical paradise and were all, "Screw you! We're gonna go live in the midwest, where you're gonna bitch about snow and cold temperatures for the rest of your life. So there. Blah! Pfft!"
ReplyDeleteMy anger, which became my birthright upon being ripped from the loving arms of the Big Island, has been fueled by acid reflux and my mad cravings for those very same Target brand antacids. I love me the orange ones!
don't get me started on Hawaii, oops too late. last year Drew asked us where we wanted to go on vacation, Lean and I both said Hawaii, it was set in the works, yesss!
ReplyDeleteso to surprise us (we can't stand surprises) he books us at Disney World cuz it's the funnest place on earth. We both felt it was a dirty trick. they did have The melting Pot so it wasn't as sucky as it could have been
Lava would be a bad way to Die.
ReplyDeleteAren't you also worried about the Tsunami's ?
I was especially drawn to the artfully displayed bottle of antacids. You must watch HGTV. I'd try it with my big ol' bottle of xanax, but I might be able to get to it fast enough.
ReplyDeleteDonzer:
ReplyDeleteI'm more of a Tequila girl myself. ;o)
And gracias!
Brian:
As soon as you get home, log into your IM so I can yell at you in person for killing my dream!
>:o[
Tracy:
Stoopit Jasper Riley! See, I would have never done something as stoopit as Jasper Riley! He's sooo stoopit!
Maybe.
FADKOG:
Why? Why would your parents move from paradise?? Did the snake offer them an apple? Stoopit snake and its evilness!!
Have I told you how mad I am at you again for making me aware of the Subway jingle?????
jean knee:
I really have to go to that legendary melting pot. I really do.
I just bought a $50 gift card for signature room on the 551st floor of the Hancock (my favorite name of all time) SCORE!!!
Dan:
Everybody knows there's no such thing as a Tsunami. That's just a made up word circulated by people who don't want me to move to Hawaii because they think I'll mess up their eco-system or some such nonsense.
Alice:
I wanted to show off my apothecary bottles. I also wanted to show off I knew the word apothecary even if it took me forever to spell it right.
Is that actually part of your stomach next to that big bottle of antacid???
ReplyDeleteBee- What is in those bottles? I like the bottles though.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I saw the other day where you can take a guided tour of a live volcano in Hawaii. Maybe you should face your fears and go do it.
I personally wouldn't do it because I would be afraid that it would decide to erupt while I was up there and then I would be burned to a crisp but I think that you should totally go for it!
And I am terrified of tsunamis! TERRIFIED!
Oh and look at me being 11th and all!
ReplyDeleteTracy:
ReplyDeleteYour chances of being burnt to a crisp will be very small. On the other hand, I wouldn't like to be the tour guide ;-)
Forgetting Sarah Marshall looks awful, but since it's from the 40y/o Virgin ppl, I'll give it a chance.
ReplyDeleteTry drinking a few ounces of cool water with a pinch of baking soda stirred in. It's good for a sour tummy. But be prepared to belch like you've never belched before.
Bee, Bee, Bee...just hearing the word "subway" makes me sing it in my head, and that irritates me. I would hunt Jared down and shove Hostess fruit pies down his pie hole if it meant Subway would stop using that song sooner. Instead, I shall not sing it for you here, and I will wait (no longer patiently) for that damn company to end this "limited time only" promotion.
ReplyDeleteHawaii sounds really good right about NOW!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWhy a double DOG dare? Why not a double CAT dare? Or a double HOOTIE PATOOTIE dare?
ReplyDeleteDares are dumb. I'm glad you grew outta that. I don't think I ever did the dare thing. If someone dared me to do something they wouldn't do, I just figured that it ain't something to do! I mean, that's why they ain't doing it, right?
Hey Buzzy Bee, I was just thinking (or musing, if you will) about the tweeter, twitter, twat thing.
ReplyDeleteActually, I think I was thinking about something else but forgot what it was while the comment page loaded.
I'm eating Wendy's french fries, smothered in Old Bay Seasoning, dipped in Blue Cheese Dressing.
So why the Tums issue? Why not just take Prilosec like the rest of us and eat your tummy away slowly until you die?
Bee
ReplyDeleteI think that about 40,000 dead people in Thailand would desargee with you.
VE:
ReplyDeleteYup! That's what it looks like after the acid has eaten my stomach blaaaah! No, that's one of the corals Andy murdered.
Tracy:
I have red sand with pie marbles in 'em. Don't ask me why I just thought it would be a good idea and it made Andy roll his eyes so I knew I was on to something. They're just for deco.
Bagel:
I thought it was funny but then again my originals plans to work in my garden were thwarted by mother nature slapping me in the face with her freezing wind! The supporting cast were good.
Thanks for the burping tip!
FADKOG:
It better be over soon... it better be.
Esmeralda:
Hawaii always sounds good!
CT:
Cool! You're on Twitter!!
Dan:
Way to make it serious you doofus did you really think I didn't believe in Tsunamis? Did you also believe I would disturb Hawaii's Eco-system? Well, that one could be true.
My dad married my Colombiano stepmom when I was 10. I spent the wedding night goofing off with her nieces who were my age and taking dares from them to drink the horrible concoctions they made with crap from their parent's bar.
ReplyDeleteI made around 5.25 in dare money. I also ripped my fancy dress. Peed my panties. And got sheet-faced drunk.
Who needs chalk? I could have barfed up lines to form a hopscotch board.
I buy my pain reliever/sanitary pads/vitamins/band-aids all from the Dollar Store.
ReplyDeleteEWBL:
ReplyDeleteOur nearest dollar store is a gazillion miles away. Do they have Tums like stuff there??? Tptally worth buying it.