Saturday, April 12, 2008

Rob Jim French Fries Birds Asshat Wedding. Not in that order.

-Day 102.-
Is it me or do Vanilla Ice and Jim Carrey look like they could be brothers?

Rob Vanilla Winkley Ice was arrested but... he looks extremely happy about it. I used to have such a crush on him!

I had a great day on Friday! I did very little real work, nobody pestered me... HEAVEN!

I cleaned out my folders, both virtual and real worldly, shredded incriminating evidence, sent love letters to myself and a bunch of other stuff I can't remember.

I was in such a relaxed happy state of mind, not even losing the Caption Contest at Diesel's, (I came in second thanks to all my reversible psycholibis) made me cranky. You know what the great thing about that was? I now show up on Technorati THREE times on King Diesel's blog. Yup! I am on a sweet, chocolaty high!

So ummm, yeah, you'll have to settle for another installment of my journey of self discovery- knowing more about me than you needed to.

Actually you are on a journey of discovery along with me so what you learn I just learned, capisce??

I decided to be a good daughter/wife and pick up some burgies at Portillo's on my way home. The parking lot has a Home Improvement store, a grocery store, some other crappy places and the Hamburger joint I was going to.

Here is what I learned:

1) Me driving thru the home improvement parking lot, is the equivalent of men checking out hot chicks that are walking down the street. They had their plants/trees/flowers outside (foolishly since it's cold again and it'll snow tomorrow) and I kept slowing down to check them out hollering things like "Look at the buds on that one!" "Ooh I'd plant you right under the cherry blossom!" and "Andy would hate me if I took you home!"

2) My foot keeps jumping off the brake pedal to hit the gas pedal when dummies cross right in front of me without caring to look both ways! I think it's a chronic disease.

3) I have a weird obsession to ask for ketchup even though I have a full bottle at home. You never know when you might come home only to find out the dogs learned how to open the fridge and had themselves a ketchup cocktail. It could happen.

4) Bag of french fries + lots of traffic = Bee eating them all without being able to open the ketchup packets to put on the fries which is just as well because she didn't grab any napkins. Bye bye Mr. French Fry.

5) Birds think they have the power to fly through my car windows!

I know that one isn't really about me but I thought I should throw that one in there since the bird scared the crap out of me while I was about to munch on a fry. I had to fish it out from under my seat when I got home. (no, I didn't eat it!)

Okay, that's about it.

Saturday is the day of the dreaded wedding. I've decided to just be my obnoxious self with the added bonus that Andy gave me permission to verbally crush one of his loud mouth co-workers (we will call him Asshat). Asshat always picks on him so I have that to look forward to. Hopefully he'll will be dickly and I'll have tons of mean stories to tell.

Stushie finally has his peeps doing him a solid and voting for him. He might just win in spirit! ;op


  1. When you eat french fries while driving, you:
    a)open ketchup packet and hold
    with left hand
    b)grab french fry with right hand
    (left hand is on steering wheel
    still holding ketchup)
    c)put french fry in mouth (don't
    chew yet)
    d)now hold steering wheel with
    right hand and remove left hand
    (ketchup hand)
    e)suck a little ketchup from
    f)now chew, yum-o
    g)repeat as many times as you'd

    I LOVE FRENCH FRIES!!! One of my favorite things to eat...

  2. You forgot to mention that the picture of "ice ice baby" is a mug shot (saw it on! He's a wife abuser...

    Oh, and have a great time at the wedding!! Is it open bar???

  3. Where were you earlier!! I ate all my pappitas with no ketchup! :o(

  4. Probably open bar but I don't drink. My max is one Margarita. Except for our office party when I had FIVE and felt like a regurgitated hairball.

  5. Maybe eating fries should be part of the driving test, although I suspect that'll be the next thing that gets banned.

    "Perhaps the accused would care to explain how the fries got in her mouth whilst she was driving?"

    "Well, m'lud, a bird flew into my car through the open window and dropped them in."

    "And the mayo???"

  6. Vailla Ice a wife abuser??? I would think it'd be the other way and little ice'd get his cubes squished.

  7. so wish I was going to the wedding wit chew. I'll be there inside yer head making fun of the lameos like you were in my head at the Pampered Chef party. deal?

  8. How do you pronounce asshat?

    is it ass- shat or
    ass hat?

    I don't wanna get it wrong

  9. Jean Knee- I've always pronounced it as "ass hat".

    Bee- I hope that you somehow manage to have a good time at the wedding. I hate going to them myself. I hate them so much I didn't even have one of my own. Bleh.

    And I hope you don't mind but I alreaady had a post planned about Vannilla Winkle. I don't want you to think that I stole your idea. If it makes you feel any better, my post isn't going to be about how he looks like Jim Carey. MmKay?

  10. I was on a cheeseburger/fries kick with the restaurant at the bottom of my street. One day I went to throw the bag away and noticed there was a bunch of ketchup packets in there. Since I use my own ketchup (store bought has less sugar than in resto packets) I felt weird throwing it away so I kept them in the bag. Then a month went by and as I dumped yet more unused packets into the main bag I decided it was time to return them to the restaurant, along with all the knife/fork plastic setups.

    The girl dumped them on the counter and counted them! There were almost 130 ketchups and over 10 setups and she called over the manager. "This woman got all this in one month!"

    They changed the rules at the resto and thanked me for helping save the planet. You gotta love California.....

  11. I once paid actualy money to see vanilla Ice and MC Hammer live and in concert.

    20 years later and I still know every word to Ice, Ice Baby. :(


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.