I once was lost but now I’m at Target.

-Day 105-
You know, I sometimes wonder what posses parents to bring their untrained offspring with them everywhere they go.

Stop. No need to send me hate mail. I know YOUR kids are angels and YOU’RE the perfect parent blah blah blah…

I went to Target to get some of my essentials, stuff that keeps my hair radicus and my skin blemish free and glowing.

There I am, minding my own business, trying to decide between -gel extra strength antiperspirant- or -no stain solid antiperspirant- (always go with the gel, that way you don't have the problem of half the deodorant breaking out of the container after a brisk swipe of the pits), when all of a sudden! Two little kids run by me nearly toppling me over! Okay, not so much toppling since my center of gravity is so low to the ground (my butt) but I did spin around cartoon style and I forgot what aisle I was standing in.

The little devils then started yelling ‘Mom! Where are you??’ “MOM!!’ ‘DAD!!!’ They took a turn at the end of the aisle too quickly, the corner display went bye-bye but they kept running around yelling for their parents.

They didn’t get an answer. You know why? Because mom and dad were probably at The Elephant Bar having a Mai Tai happy as hell their evil spawn were making me deaf!

Everywhere I went they followed! I finally thought I’d lost them in the underwear section, nope! (not that I buy underwear at Target … … )

More MOM/DAD yelling. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to the nearest vacant faced employee and said ‘you better page their parents before I drown them in Yoo-Hoo!’

He went to talk to a manager, the manager called somebody and then all three geniuses came to the decision to take them to their cafeteria area and page the parents.

Are you breathing a sigh of relief for me? Thinking alls well that ends well?

Wrong.

I could hear them paging the parents over and over.

When we were finally leaving, the parents were walking over to cafeteria carrying a Kohl’s bag. This meant they left Target and went to the store next door without their kids!

I’m sorry but leaving a couple of 8-9 year olds in front of a video game thing while you go next door is not responsible parenting. If you didn’t want to drag them with you to the other store, one of you should have stayed home with them. (oh, and yeah, the kids were probably scared to death but you know I was only focusing on me)

On a more controversial note, I once told my sister I’d pay extra money to go to a store where you could shop at your hearts content without having kids bouncing around, getting in your way. She was not happy with me and wanted to add a new orifice to my body. Luckily, I was a few miles away and stopped to buy her a chocolate milkshake to make things right again.
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Again, I don’t mean your kids. I’m sure yours are well behaved, mind their manners and don’t leave peanut butter fingerprints on stuff I’d like to buy but don’t because now I’m so grossed out I feel like barfing therefore run into the public bathroom only to find someone changing the stinky diaper of a 2 year old who poops as if he were a 40 year old man!

::sigh:: I think I'm turning into my crazy aunt Mary. Only prettier. But meaner.
Please click on Humor-Blogs for me since this is so unbelievably depressing.





P.S.
In sad news. The cougar, they're not sure if this is the same one as in the suburb I told you about, was shot and killed in Chicago. Here is the story, if you're squeamish, beware! There's a picture of the dead cougar. I know it was dangerous but it's still made me sad. Some asshole probably had it as a pet and couldn't handle it anymore.