Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I once was lost but now I’m at Target.

-Day 105-
You know, I sometimes wonder what posses parents to bring their untrained offspring with them everywhere they go.

Stop. No need to send me hate mail. I know YOUR kids are angels and YOU’RE the perfect parent blah blah blah…

I went to Target to get some of my essentials, stuff that keeps my hair radicus and my skin blemish free and glowing.

There I am, minding my own business, trying to decide between -gel extra strength antiperspirant- or -no stain solid antiperspirant- (always go with the gel, that way you don't have the problem of half the deodorant breaking out of the container after a brisk swipe of the pits), when all of a sudden! Two little kids run by me nearly toppling me over! Okay, not so much toppling since my center of gravity is so low to the ground (my butt) but I did spin around cartoon style and I forgot what aisle I was standing in.

The little devils then started yelling ‘Mom! Where are you??’ “MOM!!’ ‘DAD!!!’ They took a turn at the end of the aisle too quickly, the corner display went bye-bye but they kept running around yelling for their parents.

They didn’t get an answer. You know why? Because mom and dad were probably at
The Elephant Bar having a Mai Tai happy as hell their evil spawn were making me deaf!

Everywhere I went they followed! I finally thought I’d lost them in the underwear section, nope! (not that I buy underwear at Target … … )

More MOM/DAD yelling. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to the nearest vacant faced employee and said ‘you better page their parents before I drown them in Yoo-Hoo!’

He went to talk to a manager, the manager called somebody and then all three geniuses came to the decision to take them to their cafeteria area and page the parents.

Are you breathing a sigh of relief for me? Thinking alls well that ends well?


Wrong.

I could hear them paging the parents over and over.

When we were finally leaving, the parents were walking over to cafeteria carrying a Kohl’s bag. This meant they left Target and went to the store next door without their kids!

I’m sorry but leaving a couple of 8-9 year olds in front of a video game thing while you go next door is not responsible parenting. If you didn’t want to drag them with you to the other store, one of you should have stayed home with them. (oh, and yeah, the kids were probably scared to death but you know I was only focusing on me)

On a more controversial note, I once told my sister I’d pay extra money to go to a store where you could shop at your hearts content without having kids bouncing around, getting in your way. She was not happy with me and wanted to add a new orifice to my body. Luckily, I was a few miles away and stopped to buy her a chocolate milkshake to make things right again.
.
Again, I don’t mean your kids. I’m sure yours are well behaved, mind their manners and don’t leave peanut butter fingerprints on stuff I’d like to buy but don’t because now I’m so grossed out I feel like barfing therefore run into the public bathroom only to find someone changing the stinky diaper of a 2 year old who poops as if he were a 40 year old man!

::sigh:: I think I'm turning into my crazy aunt Mary. Only prettier. But meaner.

Please click on Humor-Blogs for me since this is so unbelievably depressing.





P.S.
In sad news. The cougar, they're not sure if this is the same one as in the suburb I told you about, was shot and killed in Chicago. Here is the story, if you're squeamish, beware! There's a picture of the dead cougar. I know it was dangerous but it's still made me sad. Some asshole probably had it as a pet and couldn't handle it anymore.

35 comments:

  1. First.

    Although I sympathise with parents wanting to get their shopping done they can't pretend their children aren't there. They should have made other arrangements, done their shopping separately, or whatever.

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  2. Dear Dear Bee. I'm sorry that this horrible thing happened to you while shopping at Target. The only thing I can say that could possibly make either one of use feel better is:
    WELCOME TO MY WORLD!
    I have the toddler that poops like a 40 year old man, I have the screaming, running, children. The only difference is that I don't leave the store and got shopping elsewhere so I have to hear all of it.
    Honestly, I love my children with all my heart but shopping with them is painful. So much so that I want to hurl myself off a bridge before its over.
    Don't feel bad.
    Love
    Tracy

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  3. P.S. I really do love my children. Just thought I should say that again. You know....just because.

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  4. And another thing. I clicked on that cougar link waiting to see a picture of a dead Demi Moore, aka the Cougar, and instead I saw a big cat. What gives?

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  5. Dear Bee
    I think that 8 and 9 year olds are old enough to be left alone in a store, its not like they were 4-5.
    Although they should have told them they goingt to Khols.
    Love
    Dan

    Yes I'm making fun of Tracy.

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  6. No Dan, its not okay to leave children unsupervised. Forget about the fact that the store employees are not babysitters, forget about the fact that kids get in trouble all the time and run around like crazed monkeys. There are too many predators in this world hoping totake advantage of situations like this.

    Last year, a new year old boy was molested in the Walmart near my house. The mom was in the store but left him in the toy section and a pervert lured him into a dressing room.

    If you believe its okay, I want to live in your fantasyland. Minus the naked chicks!

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  7. hey bee,

    i'm with ya on the kids...also the cougar.

    i didn't look at the picture but why would anyone shoot someone just cause they like to date younger men?

    rock on,

    aitch

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  8. I only like my own kid. even still I hate to shop with her.

    Where's Demi??


    why can't they ever use knock out darts instead of killing an animal? unless it's a skunk or a rat?

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  9. Note to self..

    DO NOT let Dan take my kids shopping, not that my kid is bad (cause she’s an angel! ) but I don’t like the fact that uncle Dan thinks that 8-9 year olds can be left in a store alone.

    Anyway, Natalia is well behaved but I prefer to shop alone only because if I’m alone I can be in and out in 15-20 min and when I’m with her it takes more like 40-50 min.

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  10. Once I was in the Maritime Museum in Amsterdam and right after me entered a couple with two young boys (around 6-8). Since we've entered at the same time we ended up making the visit close to each other. The problem started when the boys began shouting in Dutch something I suppose is "Look, there's a pirate ship!" Since we were in a Maritime Museum ships were all around us, and in that huge rooms you can't imagine how it made your head hurt! And the parents didn't really care about all the circus their boys were doing. It was as if they were at home. Everybody was tired of all that shouting and echo but the parents didn't said nothing. I ended up having to ask someone for a headache pill, and took a seat for some minutes and left the parents go ahead (I have had a rough drinking night). I had already heard that the dutch give to much space to their kids, but I think being a father is a kind of a compromise between being responsable for their growth and education and not allowing them to do whatever they want.
    I like children as much as everyone, but one thing that I never could understand is why the hell some parents think that when they take their children to some place every adult must be responsible for them?
    You made me smile a little! I'll keep coming. Best wishes.

    ReplyDelete
  11. As for the cougar, we have to realise we're the only living things on this planet that have no function in the chain of events. If human beings were to disappear nothing bad would happen to the rest of the living species. Have you realised that? Even flies have a function, even if it is to serve as food for birds, which polinize plant species, which produce oxigen, and so forth. We are the top of the food chain. We only know how to kill.

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  12. Hey Bee, at least you didn't walk in on a 40 year old man taking off his diaper after pooping like a two year old.

    I like seeing kids running through stores -- means I can play Death Race 2000 with my shopping cart.

    Poke

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  13. I find it interesting that you have more compassion for a man eating animal than you do for a child. I guess you're inability to have children is making you bitter! Have a prozac!

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  14. Bee
    Did you read that, uh did you read that.
    Can't wait for your reply.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymouse:
    Fuck a duck!
    I was sitting at lunch, enjoying my Lean Cuisine, listening to my iPod, when Scarlett sent me this awful comment.

    I’ve gotta be honest with you.
    At first I was seething!
    I was!
    I’m like “This nosey buck toothed shit for brains bitch (you’re a woman(ish) in my head) knows nothing about my choices in life but decided to talk out of her ass anyway!”

    But then, something extraordinary happened!

    “Sweet Home Alabama” came on in my little ears and my anger melted away.

    There’s something about remembering a dimwitted Forrest Gump dancing to this song that brings a smile to my face!

    So, carry on breeder. Be happy with your choices in life!

    Love you always,

    Bee

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  16. Brian:
    I agree. Then feed them to the cougar.

    Tracy:
    Don't feed yours to the cougar please! They are too cute!

    Harris:
    Will you help me gather all children so we can 'em to the cougar? If you have nieces and nephews we'll spare them.

    jean knee:
    I will spare your child too. But help me gather all this kids in your neighborhood.

    Nancy:
    Natalia and Sophia are spared cuz they're cuties! And my nieces and I love them. So there!

    Celso:
    Thank you for visiting! It happens to me at movie theaters. Couples who bring their kids to R Rated movies should be beaten! ;o)

    You're right about the fact that we can't always appreciate nature for what it is. This animal was beautiful and only attacked them because it was cornered. I wish animal control would have gotten there in time to tranq it.

    Poke:
    First, thanks for that mental image! ::blech!::
    HA HA! I'll remember that game next time I go. Will you help me feed the cougars?

    Dan:
    Just because people have sticks up their asses doesn't mean I have to rude here in Beeland! ;o)

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  17. Don’t you think it’s funny when people are going to say something mean or mouth off they tend to hide and comment as “Anonymous”?

    What are they afraid of??? Seriously????

    Anyway, the name of the blog is "Bee’s Musings" if people don’t like what they read the solution is very simple “Just stop reading”.

    If they get insulted then "Stop Reading!"

    If you don’t agree "Stop Reading!"

    Anonymous, why show everyone how stupid and ignorant you are? Just STOP READING...

    Or

    Are you just looking to get your ass verbally handed on a platter?

    ReplyDelete
  18. Bee
    Why are you being so nice?

    Anonymous
    I think you are the one that is bitter, are your kids ugly ?

    ReplyDelete
  19. Well, I'm exhausted now! During the reading of that post, I went from hilarious laughter to complete frustration to utter despair and then to deep depression! You are good! Like an empath, but the opposite! :)

    If there are two things I hate it's untrained dogs and untrained children.

    Neither should be allowed in public.

    (And yeah, the parents of the untrained need to stay home with them and not pawn them off on society to deal with their little tears.)

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  20. I've heard that Yoo Hoo drownings are up...

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  21. Nancy:
    Ha ha ha! Your mommy instincts are showing! ;o)

    Dan:
    If she pisses me off, she wins. That’s the only reason why an anonymous person leaves a comment. That and to declare their undying love for me.

    cathouse teri:
    Hi! Thanks for stopping by!
    Next up, RAGE! ;o)

    VE:
    I have alibis for all of those drownings!

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  22. What you have written is every damn day at the bookstore. The other day, some one asked their child if they'd be ok alone in the kid's department while Mommy ran across the mall and got something at the Dillards. I was close enough to mutter "Are you kidding me?"

    Alas, an hour later, I was picking up the mess the kid left.

    Nice.

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  23. Bee
    I'm sorry for what I said, my kids are ugly and I took it out on you.
    Sorry, you are the best, I love you.

    ReplyDelete
  24. hey the anonymous bitch is being nice !

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  25. Chiming in late...

    I LOVE going to a store with my daughter, telling her I need to go find the Depends while she is deciding what shade of eye shadow to buy, and instead I go find an employee and ask them to page my daughter... they always assume she is young. She is 33.

    The funny part is, she still falls for it. "Mom, I can't believe you did it, AGAIN."

    "Oh yeah? I can't believe you fell for it AGAIN!" One of the perks of parenting.

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  26. I don't know Dan, I think Bee handled her response pretty good.

    She called "her" a "stupid dhit for brains bitch who talks out of her ass". All that while singing Sweet Home Alabama.

    Stupid is as stupid does you know.

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  27. It would be SO awesome if Target had a childcare spot, like a lot of gyms have. As it is I leave the kiddles at home with Dad when I shop.

    I went to the dentist last week, and the receptionist kept apologizing for keeping me waiting. No need to apologize, I was having the time of my life! Why would anyone bring kids with them? Why???

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  28. Maybe if I scroll back through some old posts I can find some inspiration for rage? :)

    (BTW, I always call the little hidden cowards ANONY-MOUSES, too!)

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  29. OMG! Who would leave an 8 or 9 year old! Guess I'm kinda old fashioned. I sorta like knowing where my kids are!!

    Anony comments crack me up. If you're brave enough to say it...have the balls to show your face (uh..name)!

    I try very hard not to take my kids shopping with me. Usually I always have bean with me if I shop during the day, but...she really is an angel :-)

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  30. I would like to die by drowning in Yoo Hoo.

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  31. Hahaha! I love the anonymous righteous! They are so much better than the nonanonymous righteous. I bet that anonymous righteous mom dresses her kids in those stupid damn skate/sneaker thingers. Those things plus stores plus kids are my biggest freaking nightmare.

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  32. FADKOG:
    My friend Jai used to work at a Borders. She would tell us the kids would climb the shelves and the parents nowhere to be found!

    Dan:
    You make me laugh! I won't see you tomorrow so don't miss me.

    Kayfour:
    BWAHAHAHA! Do depends work? I've been debating since I'm getting sick and tired of get up to go.

    Babe! I'd marry you all over again!

    Marie:
    It made me laugh to think you enjoy the dentist! :o)

    Teri:
    Great minds think alike! Nah, you might not find too much rage in this here little blogus. ;op

    Chris:
    I don't know anybody who would leave their kids in a store. I really don't know what the parents were thinking!

    EWBL:
    See me on Saturday. I'll bring my black and white cat.

    Donzer:
    Yup! It brings out the balls in mice.

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  33. My kids are perfect angelsApril 16, 2008 at 10:22 PM

    Mmmmm! Cougar fillets, yum!

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  34. What idiot parents.
    I hope the cougar eats them...oh wait.

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Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.