... Anyway, here's my question:
Can I file assault charges if a couple of kooky oldies (not my work oldies, OTHER oldies!)(the world is full of 'em.)(some are nice) tried to bully me into donating my precious blood? Don't they know this blood has been with me since I was a wee little mini Bee?? I'm very attached to it!
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Plus... I AM TERRIFIED OF NEEDLES! By terrified I mean, my blood runs cold, I start to sweat, shake and speak in tongues. To say it's unpleasant would be the understatement of the century.
I walked into the building and a little elderly lady came out of nowhere.
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"Hi! We're volunteering for Z Sources. We'd like you to donate blood today!"
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Just. Like That.
No "Please", no "How you doin'?".
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She didn't even acknowledge the hammer she had just thrown at me. She just kept staring at me with the lipstick-on-teeth-grin and unblinking eyes.
Me:
Sorry, no. I'm deathly afraid of needles. [and watching my blood ooze out of my veins]
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Little oldie:
Oh honey, all you feel is a pinch then nothing!
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Me: [I kept walking]
No, no. I can't do it.
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When I entered the main lobby, I was horrified to see a wall of vampiric elderly people!
They had tables lining the walls. Lining the walls! ::They were everywhere.::
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Right now you're thinking I'm dreaming, sadly I'm not! I was awake and my blood was pooling at my toes!
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Then! I met Future Bee.
She didn't look like me, she was tall and rail thin but... well, you'll see.
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Little oldie: [to Future Bee]
I'm telling her it won't hurt.
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Future Bee: [look of derision]
What? Are you scared?
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Cute and Cuddly Bee:
Frankly, yes!
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Future Bee:
What are you 30? Don't be a baby!
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Reasonable Bee:
Well that argument convinced me... NO.
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Future Bee:
Giving blood is important, don't you care if somebody might need your blood to LIVE?? Don't you want to do something selfless in your life?
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She seriously asked me that!
Hey man, I do stuff for other people! I'm semi-green. I umm... uh... I'm sure there's something else!
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The other people were waiting for the outcome of our showdown. They sensed my fear and wanted my pure blood, they wanted it all!
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I was beginning to think I'd never get to walk thru the office door and touch the stuff on my desk ever again. Luckily, this is what my bat adventures have prepared me for.
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Bee:
I need my blood to live! I know you have all day to argue with me but I have to get to work!
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At which point I ran into the office and slammed the door! Here I thought I'd be on time today!
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Do you think they use the same techniques to train blood suckers as they do to train car salesmen? It's a good thing I'm well aware of my rights to retain my blood!
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I felt happy that I had gotten thru more or less unharmed... unless you count the bathroom trips I had to make with their beedy eyes boring holes into my SOUL!
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P.S.
Someone is threatening to kill Al Pacino in 88 minutes.
Well, he gave us The Godfather I & II. Scarface was overrated and the rest of his movies have been crap so... maybe we can take him out in 10 minutes?
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P.P.S.
Devil's Advocate was good but it would have been better without Al Pacino and Keanu Reeves.
πρώτος! Ξανά!
ReplyDeleteBlood people are better than used car people in that they're actually doing it for a good cause.
I can't bring myself to give blood either. The thought of it scares me big time
I feel guilty about this :-(
Don't let them kill Al Pacino! He's great. Not exactly subtle, I suppose...
BRIAN YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO LET ME BE FIRST. STOP IT!
ReplyDeleteSorry about my yelling Bee. But Brian and I had an agreement. WE HAD AN AGREEMENT!
ReplyDeleteDo you know that I have managed to not give blood, even with a career, when I had a career, in a hospital? I'm kind of amazing really.
But they have all these rules, you can't give blood if you've recently gotten a tattoo, or if you're pregnant, just had a baby, or are breastfeeding. HELLO. I'm a baby making machine.
So, I suggest you go get tattoos regularly until there is no more room left, have a million babies, and feed them until your tatas drag on the floor behind you. By then, they won't even ask you for your blood.
You're Welcome!
What's going to happen in the future to make you look like future Bee.
ReplyDeleteMan up, Bee. You can do it.
ReplyDeleteAt least you aren't one of those waifs are say, "Oh. I'd just LOVE to give blood. Sadly, I don't weigh enough. Nope, you have to weigh at least 99 pounds and I only weigh 94. I just can't gain weight no matter HOW hard I try! It's a REAL problem. Just like someone - like you - who struggles to loose weight. Poor thing. HEY! If you go GIVE blood then you'll also LOOSE weight! You should totally do that!" Of course their little weight "issue" has nothing to do with the laxatives they have hidden all through their home.
Huh. Where was I? I got a little distracted there with my imaginary conversation. I think I'd better leave before I say something REALLY awkward. Enjoy your Thursday!
whoa, Al was good in Scent of a Woman
ReplyDeleteI haven't given blood because I'm scared of my blood pressure dropping dangerousely--it happened to my dad
the needle part wouldn't be bad cuz I have gigantic veins--no one's ever missed and only one lady ever hurt me, which unfortunately was when I went for the diabetes test,drank sugar water and had my blood drawn every 1/2 hour all day long--she sucked and should be killed-my veins are easy
Brian:
ReplyDeleteYou feel guilty because you’re a nice guy. This is what I meant about not repenting/regretting/revisiting.
;op
They are doing it for a good cause but they seemed extremely pushy to me. Then, to try intimidation and ridicule tactics? If they would have been my age we would have taken it outside!
Tracy:
I’d rather do the tattoos. Or! I can just SAY I’m breast feeding! Yeah…
Dan:
Hopefully future science will be wish and dream makers and I’ll be tall and thin.
Bex:
Hell to the nah! No no no no. This is the one time I’m okay with being a big sissy wimp.
My pain. My blood. My decision.
I’ve had blood drawn for medical reasons so I know the pain isn’t that bad, but the thought… even now my toes are curled up in the fetal position.
jean knee:
I knew someone would bring up Scent of a Woman. He overacts by YELLING all the time and that little thing he does where he runs his hand threw his hair and flares his nostrils? E-Nough already.
That’s why I only like him in the two Gs. He was barely starting out so he didn’t feel like he was God.
I didn’t know about the blood pressure thing! :o(
or you could have told them you have an incurable communicable blood-borne illness and just let their imaginations run wild. that should have done the trick.
ReplyDeleteI don't like needles either. That's why I just let them sever a limb and squeeze the damn blood out themselves...
ReplyDeleteI used to work in the lab at the red cross and still wouldn't give blood. now that's cold
ReplyDeleteOh, Bee! You shoulda socked Future Bee in the nose, super hard! Then, when her nose started spurting, you could have been all, "There's your selflessness!"
ReplyDeleteThen you could have snagged a couple cookies and been on your way to work.
I donate blood for the free t-shirts. I like to advertise how selfless I am with casual wear.
Leigh:
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping this will be there one and only stint at my building. If they ever come back I will try your suggestion!
VE:
The doc I work for is an Orthopaedic Surgeon, let me know if you want him to pay you a visit.
jean knee:
You're cold! ;op
FADKOG:
All I can think about now is the cookies.
If I punch Future Bee, will I feel the pain? :o)
hahaha. no april fools. just trying to post that thingy on my blog - and it wont go anywhere else! ill have to mess with that one.
ReplyDeleteill be posting this weekend because i have BIG NEWS! stay tuned ;)
Papi will not give blood no matter how much I reason with him that he has the perfect Universal blood type thats so sought after.
ReplyDeleteHe says his blood is too special to give to the "common man.":0
I used to give blood regularly. The problem is that it makes me really tired and I need all my strength to work and nag my kids.