I smelled damn good on Monday! (If I do say so myself.)

-Day 43. A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.- Carl Reiner

So...

I’m boycotting showers, baths and all things related to water touching my skin. Well, I might still wash my hands since I’m not a complete savage.

If I can keep my natural oils, there's a strong possibility I'll make it thru the winter! I might not have a husband, family and friends at the end of this but we all have to make sacrifices in this life.

My skin is looking like a weird science experiment with a human(ish) person as the guinea pig. The test is “How many days can the subject live with dry and cracked skin without bleeding to death?” so far it’s been 88 days. I’m hoping we thaw before I hit 100 because there’s only so much scraping I can take. Hope you’re having breakfast!

I want to pass a law prohibiting Mother Nature from making us endure so many consecutive ice cold days. She should have a quota of about 20 days per year with the agreement that she can’t use them all one right after the other.

I know what your thinking, "another campaign, Bee?"
Short answer 'Yes', long answer 'So?'

Every single part of my body itches because of my dry skin. My ears look like I could be Prince Charles' twin because I keep rubbing them (I can't scratch my ears, they're delicate little flowers --in the form of Venus Fly Traps at the moment--)!

Since I'm a woman of action, I decided to start this campaign Against Mother Nature's Torture of Mortals by Consecutive Cold Days.

It's not like I'm asking for NO cold days just not that many in a row. I don't want to feel like I'm living in freakin' Siberia! (Not that there's anything wrong with living in Siberia)

"What's in it for me?" you ask. (Damn! You ask way too many questions!)

Well, the fact that I won't be bitching and moaning about how cold I am should be incentive enough for you to join my campaign.

Is it too much to ask? DON'T answer that.

Quick Milton Snippet:

Last week she was Kitchen Marm (KM). I've told you guys about her weird habit of eating expired foods (and the follow up cracker story). Well, this chick(en?), hen?, tried to poison us last week by bringing in a Folgers coffee with an expiration date of, hold on to your pants (both trousers and unders)... January of 2006!!!!!!!!

JANUARY OF TWO THOUSAND AND SIX!!

Why? Why would she bring it in if there is a whole shelf full of nice fresh coffee in the stock room! We didn't find out until Thursday. She was late so somebody else made the coffee and made the gruesome discovery.


Before you say something about it being a selling date and not meaning anything, I will drink milk that's a couple of days past it's expiration date, after I smell it first, no big deal but that is MY decision. For her to bring in 2 year old expired crap and not tell us about it makes her all kinds of stupid!


Admittedly, I couldn't tell it was rancid coffee but I attribute that to the fact that the coffee in this office is already strong enough to make men of women (by that I mean hairy) (not that there's anything wrong with hairy women, they're just not my thaang).

Back to the rant, who is this woman? I have never met anyone who had SO many peculiarities in my life! And I've met some doozies, people!

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To join my AMNTMCCD campaign click on humor-blogs.

I got this coolio award from NCS. Gracias! Now, I'm passing the torch to Tracy. And Brian if he wants it but I know he'll say something about clutter cuz he's a dude.