Friday, February 8, 2008

Shocking Q & A

-Day 39. When you've been locked up in a mental institution, people are going to ask questions. It was OK, because I didn't have to act perfect all the time.- Drew Barrymore


I've got a short one for you today. Short. Shorty. Wee. Minuscule. Teeny. Here's a couple of "Qs" from my email I thought were interesting.

Q:
If you had to choose only ONE thing that drives you absolutely crazy about the bats, what would it be?


A:
The flatulence.

.
Did you just say
"Ex-squeeze me? A-baking powder?"
I’m serious.
Because they are uh... let’s say closer to the grave, they no longer care if they pass gas in your presence.

.
These "ladies" do it where people are sitting, standing, yodeling, whatever!
And then I’m the jackass because I hold my breath for 2 point 3 minutes, you know, before I start getting lightheaded and almost pass out but the alternative would be to wind up getting lightheaded and pass out.
.
For those of you saying ‘it’s natural, people do it all the time’ must I remind you of what Methane gasses are doing to our environment??
It is my belief they are the primary contributors to the Earth's destruction. I mean, think about it. Think! It is so disgusting to do it in public!
.
Unless there is something I signed in front of a judge saying I am now lawfully tied to you until our assets are divided, then I don't need to put up with it. Put a clip on it people!
Thanks for asking.
Q:
What would you say they think is annoying about you?
A:
The fact that I’m never wrong, work hard, am beautiful, smart, humble and all round perfect. Must be very annoying to have someone like me working with their dumb asses.

HA! Sorry, I tried to make it short!

Later peeps! I will be incommunicado today due to my weekly torture fest with OZ. (not as fun as it sounds)

Click please.

15 comments:

  1. I think that may be the same thing that people find annoying about ME!

    But I don't find you annoying. Hope you don't find me annoying. I say let's get gang jackets. Pink Lady style.

    ReplyDelete
  2. If only there was a way to harness all that gas...

    ReplyDelete
  3. There is a company in Ocala Florida that is called People's Gas. (An absolute fact) I get this amazing vision of a tube connected to the bottom of Grandpa's chair and the other end connected to the gas stove. Ma hollers to the kids: Heat up a can of Hormel for Grandpa. I need to bake a cake.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dear Bee,
    You know, we watched a Dirty Jobs show once where this farmer found a way to harness the gas that comes from cows poo and he used it to power and heat his house. Figure out a way to do that at work and you Dear Bee, would be a hero! You could add that to all the things that people find annoying about you.
    Love,
    Tracy

    ReplyDelete
  5. Old ladies my not be abel to hold it in, you should give them all butt plugs for Valentins Day. I wonder what that would do to their breath.
    Dan

    ReplyDelete
  6. yep, sphincter muscles start to give out right about the time digestion gets weak adding more gas.

    what a viscious circle

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dan:

    butt plugs expelled at high pressure could be rather dangerous...

    ReplyDelete
  8. I just ripped, and thought of you

    ReplyDelete
  9. Brian
    You're right proper mesurments should be taken......

    ReplyDelete
  10. go ahead and make fun of the mentally ill. there are real, for real crazy people out there. and they probably have your address.

    ReplyDelete
  11. asswipe lettuce loverFebruary 8, 2008 at 12:17 PM

    looks like someone's off their meds

    quick, where's the lythiam

    ReplyDelete
  12. Fart Freedom Society Of America!February 8, 2008 at 6:58 PM

    I'm going to organize a protest against your blog right now.

    ReplyDelete
  13. You never told us that you secretly work at a Whoopie Cushion Factory, Bee.

    ReplyDelete
  14. The funny thing is that when I started reading your blog, I thought these were real bats.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Ok, maybe not funny.
    Let's say retarded.

    ReplyDelete

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.