Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Professing my ♥ for Gerald.

-Day 50. Everyone has a right to be an idiot. Some people abuse the privilege. - Joseph Stalin (Normally I wouldn't quote anything Joe S. would have said but...)


You all know how much I love my anonymous heckler right? I've got me another one:

Gerald said...
So who did andy and bee blow to always be the first post listed on humorblogs?
I can't be the only person asking about this situation. Right?

February 18, 2008 6:13 PM

Oh Gerald, Gerald, dear, sweet, innocent, Gerald. I'd like to thank you for giving me more material for a post.

Since your concerns are my concerns, I did contact Mr. Diesel President-CEO-Founder-King of Humor-Blogs just for you.

"Hello Mr. Diesel! It seems people's panties are in a bunch because my old posts keep popping up first. I'm not sure what I'm doing (or not) and I've tried fixing it by removing the HB link on the posts but then the next one will pop up and just stay there. I'm not contacting you because an asswipe left me a nasty comment cuz I'm not scaurd but I should probably fix it. I know you're busy, any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks! Bee"

He was very interested in your dilemma and replied the following:

"It's not your fault. For some reason it keeps adding a new version of your post every time it refreshes. Something to do with the way your feed is formatted. Anyway, I'll get it fixed one of these day. Feel free to quote this email and tell the haters to f*** off and not take things so seriously. :)

He is such a nice guy, isn't he a nice guy?
Just so you know, if you're a guy (or even a girl), I know he's happily married and would not want you anywhere near him.
I'm sure he'll get to it as soon as possible since he did seem genuinely upset for you.

I don't just want to say "Fuck Off" and leave it at that so, as a consolation prize, I am posting a picture just for you.

This is a picture of my Chia Pet.

Isn't it beautiful? It was a gift from my sister.
Up until today, I didn't have a name for him but now I'm naming him Gerald, even if that might not be your real name.

I would show you more angles to Gerald but this is his best side. Unfortunately, his ass is bald. I don't know why since I did spread the goopy seeds on ALL sides of him equally.

Oh well! I guess it's not the lack of ass vegetation or balls that matter in life.

Until later, my dear, sweet, Gerald.



When you come over again, let us return the favor by visiting you. Please post the link to your blog. And don't forget to click on humor-blogs for me!


  1. Haters! People are such haters!! I thought this was all a joke! This wimp, Gerald, SHOULD HAVE left his blog information, I'm sure we (all of us) would have payed him a visit...

    Do you know it? Maybe we should go harrass his chia-pet grassy ass!

    Poor bald ass vegetationless ball free Gerald! Yeah let me know if you need someones ass kicked!

  3. Esmeralda:
    Yup! Too bad he/she didn't cuz we like to be friendly here at Bee's Musings. ;o)

    Glad to hear you're still alive.
    This Gerald served his purpose. :op

  4. hahh...what a douchebag!

    thanks for commenting on my blog. it seems like an eternity since my last post. ill get back in the groove soon enough.

    keep kicking ass. and i like the new design!

  5. So the snafus with Humor Blogs are still helping you while I slowly slip back into oblivion.

    Thus is the curse of Poke.


  6. Somehow Gerald seems an appropriate name for plant life...

    People take this humour thing about too seriously.

  7. Dear Bee,
    I have always wanted a Chia Pet but this is yet another instance where I've told all of my loved ones that I wanted a Chia pet and they never get me one. WHERE IS MY FRIPPIN CHIA PET PEOPLE?
    But I do promise you one thing..If and when I ever get my Chia pet, I will it, or atleast the ass part of it, Gerald II just for you.
    Oh and I wanted to ask you, I click on that humor button every day but am I supposed to do something else once I get there? Or is just clicking the button enough?
    Tracy ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ (that's right, I'm a heart kicking ass mf'r!)

  8. The people have spoken !!
    Gerald must be taken care of.

  9. Berta:
    Now that you're back in school, it's understandable to be super busy and unable to blog.

    The snafu might work against me if people get tired of seeing my name in bright lights. ;o)

    Taking humor too seriously, isn't it ironic? :o)

    I swear if you tell me that you're planning on getting a tattoo the coincidences between you and me are eerie! For about 10 years I've asked for a Chia Pet and a Chia Garden, I got one this past Christmas.

    I will take care of Gerald every day by watering him and trimming him when needed.

  10. Gerald could also have just sent me an email from the contact form asking me what was up, rather than assuming that you were somehow gaming the system.

    Oh well, I guess everybody needs a hobby. Besides molesting goats, I mean.

    I'll get it fixed when I get a chance. :)

  11. dang it Bee! you get all the fun hecklers.

    Gerald is my dead FIL's name. I think I may have mentioned him before. He was indeed bald, don't know about his asss though.

  12. oh dear Bee - the ugly downside of putting yourself "out there" in a public forum is that the idiots manage to come out of the wood work to torment the worthy and even the righteous.

    I had noticed that everytime I click on humor blogs yours is the first post in the list. I originally assumed that they were displayed in the chronological order of posting but then realize this either this was not the case or somehow I was receiving telepathic notices from you to check humorblogs.

    I even did an "inquire within" of King Diesel who kindly informed me that my assumption was valid but defeated by the force (force of software "bug").

    Was your sister taunting you with the chia pet? or is it so boring where she lives that she has been lulled into believing it is a meritorious gift choice?

  13. uhhm, Daniel you're on the wrong blog, you want:
    http://someone who gives a shit.blogspot.com

  14. Diesel:
    Hey, no hurry in fixing it because I'm enjoying the exposure. Take. Your. Time.

    jean knee:
    I know! I’m just lucky thatway.

    Yeah, I am pretty self righteous. Being right all the time is something I can’t control. It’s a burden, really.
    And yes, I do have the power of telepathy which is why my sister gave me this awesome Chia Pet, “Gerald” (coincidentally, he’s from Washington too), since I knew I would need it for just this very occasion.
    Thank you for stopping by!

    (See, if not worthy, at least I’m always polite.)

  15. That's funny! I'll admit I, too, wondered how you were always on top (must. fight. urge. to. pun. now.). But, it was more in the spirit of, "Wow! Bee is on top. Again. She must be pretty fucking funny! I need to check her out." And - PRESTO - here I am!

    Gerald sounds like a pen sniffing paste eater to me. Not that I'm judging. (OK...I'm judging a little bit.)

    See you in the funny pages!


  16. Bex:
    You know, I kept wondering why it was doing that and putting up old posts, I think the Valentine's Day one was up until Sunday (when I removed the HB link from the post).

    And on top is the best place to be! Pun away! ;o)

  17. My eyes. My inoncent & virginal eyes.
    So, what did I miss?

  18. Way to put down the flamer, Bee! If he posted a link we could all go and shower him with adoration until he got so uncomfortable he was begging for us to stop.

  19. WOW! All the way from the President-CEO-Founder-ScientoloBLOG Leader, to pen sniffing paste eaters...everyone is reading your blog!! Good Job!


  20. Dear Bee,
    Not trying to freak you out or anything but I've already got tattoos. Seven of them to be exact and I plan on getting more.

  21. Dear Bee,
    One more question. Is Gerald (the Chia pet, not the ass) at a mexican bar? What is that thing beside him? Are chia pets drinkers? I need to know this for when and if I ever get one.

  22. How do you know that Chia Pet is male? Does it have a Chia Pet dingly-dangly hanging out from the bottom of it? Maybe you should have named it Geraldine instead.

  23. I feel bad for Gerald. If he only knew that playing nice with you results in a faithful clicker and commenter.

    I'm weeping for the profound ignorance of Gerald.......

    Okay, I'm over that.

  24. I've never been "behind" a woman before, but you make it feel so right, Bee.

    Yeah, if someone's gotta be number one on the recent posts I'm glad it's you. (And not Mrs. Rectal String)

  25. Hey bee - I do think you worthy of that top spot but

    jean knee, I just get intrigued by the workings and logic of things, I think the term is anal retentive.

    Diesel, I emailed you and I'm definitely not Gerald...of course you may have gotten a dozen messages so this would make no sense.

    Thanks Bee - you are dependably amusing and I appreciate that.

  26. bwahahaha! good one bee. personally, i was going to ask you how to help me do that.

    keep up the good work!

  27. hey bee's musings,

    it never ceases to amaze me how people have nothing better to do with their time than bitch.

    Guess life aint too short after all.

    rock on,


  28. NCS:
    Look away! Loooook aaaawaaaay!

    Ha! he should be so lucky! :o)


    That is my Little People Bar my mom got me from Mexico when she went to see my grandparents. Gerald the Chia Pet likes to drinky drinky.

    The dingle dangle was so small I had to trim it cuz it was embarrassing.

    Happy to hear you're not Gerald. And thank you!

    Thanks! I have to admit it was fun while it lasted!

    Hi! Yeah, but you know it brought great people to come check me out. Thanks!


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.