Wednesday, February 6, 2008

A Ninja is always prepared. Oh, wait. Is that the Boy Scouts?

-Day 37. Every year, when spring comes, my mind goes to one place and one place only, Ninjas. Every time you read about Ninjas attacking somebody or assassinating some public figure, it seems to happen in the spring. I’m not sure why, it’s just the way it is.- Dwight Schrute

Okay so… things here at Arkham have been a little strange since Glynda came back. She herself came back quieter, no longer her bubbly self.
It’s almost like we’re in a different dimension or parallel universe where we walk on the ceiling and sit on the walls. Or do you function the same way if you’re in a parallel universe but just act differently?
Look, I don’t KNOW okay! I haven’t read enough Andy comics to answer that question. All I know is that things went from Hell to Limbo in a week and a half time period.

“Well that’s not so bad”, you say? Quiet!
I can deal with Hell since I’ve had practice over the years of dodging balls of fire.

That is. What I. Know.

Everybody seems to be walking on egg shells which is making us edgy.

Listen (or read) to these examples:

Since Purple Dino-SOUR is out of the office until TWO THOUSAND AND TWELVE, I figured I’d relieve Cowardly Lion for lunch. Here is what transpired:

1 o’clock good for you?


Quick, easy, to the point.

I went to lunch had my grilled chicken caesar Lean Cuisine, very yummy!
Read about more jobs being
outsourced to India. Got mad. Angrily threw newspaper into recycle bin (even when angry I remember to recycle). I will not discuss my opinion about call centers being moved to India and taking another set of jobs out of our hands and therefore fucking up our economy even further! I will not discuss this because my blog is not about politics or serious world issues. It is about me and my dark shadows!


Anywho. I came back from lunch and was accosted by Milton.

Milton: [all huffed up]
I called dibs on relieving CL today!

Bee: [mellow baby]
Okay, whatever.

Milton: [huffy puffy]
Didn’t she tell you?

Bee: [peace baby, peace]
No, but if you want to relieve her better for me.

Milton: [huffty duffty]
I talked to her this morning and told her I'd do it today because tomorrow I won’t be able to because blah blah hinkle dinkle tapioca pudding.

Bee: [on an exhaled rainbow sigh]
I. said. it. was. okay. Bet.ter. for. me.

Milton: [Huffin' and puffin']
I just--------

I don’t know what else she said because I blasted my iPod and listened to Her Ornament by The Verve Pipe. She stopped talking when I sang out "I just want to be her ornament!!" in my beeutiful singing voice.

See what I mean? Only in a parallel universe can someone FIGHT to relieve the receptionist! I hate being up there! Why would I object to Milton doing it?


CL: [transferring me a call]
Attorney so and so is on line 2.

Before I can say 'thank you' she slams the phone down. About an hour later another call comes thru.

So and so’s office line 1. [slams phone again] ---Strike two bitch! My peaceful self was now gone---

Later later in the day, as I’m walking down the hall I hear:

Bianca. Bianca? [slams phone] That’s all I need, now I have to go LOOK for her!

Or you could just transfer it and let my voicemail pick up... that is your job right?

CL [jumps 300 feet in the air.]:
Oh, there you are! I was just going to go look for you [fake smile] you have a call…

[I was going to say 3 feet but honestly, the look on her face showed she would have jumped 300 feet if not for the fact that there’s a ceiling. And then other pesky floors on top of that that got in her way.]

Bee: [fake smile back but showing coolatude, cuz I'm cool.]
I heard. Once I take this I think we need to have a sit down with Glynda.
Why don't they learn their lessons? I’m always catching them in the middle of talking shit about me and I never slink away! I always call them on it. Shouldn’t they know by now that my mad stealth-like ninja skillz will never give my presence away?

I took my call. I found Glynda and asked her if we can discuss the failings of one obnoxious receptionist.

Glynda’s response was to get up, go to the receptionist and say:
CL, your job is to answer the phone and handle the calls. DO your job. [walks away]

End of pow wow.

Normally this would make me laugh and laugh for days and then remember it months later and laugh some more. Why did I not find this even remotely amusing? Is there something wrong with my funny bone? Will I need a transplant? What would the transplant be called Kathygriffinectomy? Grouchomarxabotomy? Seinfeldologicaltransferectomy?

CL, not at all happy, comes and asks me what my problem is and she's almost hyperventilating.
I guess I just wanted to understand why you get so angry because you have to transfer BUSINESS calls. I could understand if they were personal calls but they’re not. Does it suck that they’re too lazy to dial my extension? Yes, but that IS what you’re here for.

[stomps off into the sunset with something up her butt.]

It's people like her that make dumbass businesses send phone calls to be answered half way around the world. That's right, let's blame CL for the economy going down the tubes.

That’s how it’s been since Glynda came back. Every time we go to her with any issues she shrugs and basically says “deal with it”.

Here’s my question, if it’s left up to me to “deal with it” is the company liable for any uh… let’s call them “accidents” I may cause? Maybe I can plead insanity…

If you'd like me to "deal with it" please click on humor blogs.


  1. Oh bee. I just love your office adventures.
    I'd so totally watch this show.

    ...even when angry I remember to recycle. GOLD.

  2. 100th! (in binary)

    I think you should ask Oz to outsource your job to Bangelore.

    India's not so bad. Authentic curry, and it probably doesn't snow much there. CL would have to transfer your calls then.

  3. Dear Bee,
    I love your office adventures too. Since becoming a sahm, I miss the politics that come with having a job outside the home. My children, although fun, don't have the catty reflexes that co-workers do.
    And I'm love that you stand up for yourself. Although, I'm really not surprised that you do.

  4. I used to work with a guy who wuld screw things up all the time and then cry cause he had to stay late to fix them.
    You should be a ninja for holloween.

  5. I think it would be even better than the office.

    I liked the operations you may have to have. snnoorrrt

  6. next they'll be fighting for the right to take the gabage out, or clean the men's room. eww

  7. I've had hinkle dinkle tapioca pudding before. Pretty damn good. Wish I had the recipe, though. The instant stuff sucks.

    This office adventure of yours. My goodness. Of course, you can't quit! Crappy work environments fuel blogs!

    And your keen ability to stay green and recycle in the midst of frustration means you'll be fueling our world for ages to come. My children's children thank you.

    (hilarious, Bee!)

  8. I hope it was the Boy scouts. Mr.CDD is growing up way too fast, I want to lead him into a purer direction.

    I burned his mags

  9. As long as you don't outsource your blog duties and let it go to your co-workers, we're cool.

  10. NCS:
    You have a front seat for the madness! ;o)

    I'd miss the snow. Not today of course since Andy is still trying to dig our house out but you know next year I'll want snow again.

  11. Tracy:
    "catty reflexes" HA HA HA! The reflexes for these ladies arre slowin' down a tad.

    Admit it. You like making people cry. Just like I do.

  12. jean knee:
    Maybe they can clean the women's bathroom... yuck!

    Fuel it is.
    I have to keep telling myself that everyday so that I don't do something stupid like look for another job where everybody's sane.

  13. jean knee:
    That rooster of yours is getting out of hand!

    Nope! Hopefully I'll still have stories to tell when I'm their age.


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.