Monday, February 4, 2008

What's so happy about birthdays? Oh yeah, it means you're still alive!

-Day 35. Californians don't have that marvellous British cynicism, but then the British can be so patronising at times.- Alexandra Kingston

Many many moons ago, the great psychic Nostrildameooze predicted the birth of a being which would cause many catastrophic events. She said his (or her) reign of chaos would be tyrannical but clumsy and comical.
Nostrildameooze could not pin point what year he (or she) would be born but my research has uncovered the shocking truth. He (and yes, it's a HE) walks among us. Or, among people in his country anyway cuz I'm way over on the other side of Lake Michigan.
I decided to do more research and find out what horrible repercussions his presence has brought to our world or more importantly, my little place in it.
I am now going to take you back to February 4, 2007.
I have to warn you, this event was very traumatizing for us Chicagoans. Specifically to my brother Dan who made us swear never to speak of this day ever again (I'm sorry Dan).
You see, on that day, the Chicago Bears went to the Superbowl. On that day we held our hearts in our right hand and our joy in our left. Uh... except for me, the only thing in my left hand was a scrumptious slice of cheese pizza.
Anyway, after so many years of remembering what the Bears did in 85/86. After years of Ditka being on a pedestal, our City had another chance to prove to the country that Chicago kicks ass.
Sadly, this was not to be. The Bears lost that day. Nobody knew what happened. What had gone wrong? The stars were aligned, everybody had showered, we had our chips and dip ready for snacking. What went wrong? There were no answers.
Until now.
We can now blame this heart breaking loss to that person born oh SO MANY YEARS AGO on this day.
Thanks allot Brian! Dan might want to have word with you!
Chicago does kick ass!


  1. FIRST!! HA HA HA!

    No, I'm not drunk.

  2. Well, Bee, you were right. I'm gonna have to give you a call before all of the big football games.

    Darn, I wanted to be first. I don't think I've ever "Firsted." I've been first, but I don't think I've ever really gone nuts about it. Maybe I'll try tomorrow.

  3. I have been to Chicago once. I was held hostage in a corporate meeting room and told I couldn't leave for four days and three nights. Not even for any fabled Chicago style pizza. Not to cruise the Miracle Mile. I tried to sneak in an appeal to Oprah, but even that was made impossible.

    I vow to try again one day to take in this city you claim to be so kick ass.

  4. There's nothing like defeat to really unite a community. You only need to look at England supporters. They'd die for their team (actually several have), who haven't scored a goal for over 40 years.

    If I were you, I'd blame the Chicago-style pizza. It probably weighed them down.

    Oh and thanks for the good wishes. I've aged an extra 40 years since I discovered your blog. I'm sure that's just a coincidence.

  5. Why must you talk about one of the saddest days of my life !!!!!

  6. way to go Brian> You caused my Chicago born Drew to nearly cry a year ago and now you've opened an old wound for Dan.

    Whatever, Happy Birthday

  7. Bee:
    You are the coolest person to ever be first.

    And yet I could hear the mocking tone in your voice when you responded to my comment. I could hear it plain as mud!

    Please be my guest. Let me know and I'll recomend the best (rat free) places to eat.

    I'll be nice to you today because you're the birthday coot.

    Blame it on Brian.

    jeanm knee:
    It was a very sad sad day.

  8. What's going on? Is it Brians (that comments first all the time here)birthday?
    Are you blaming him for the Bears sucking?
    Happy Birthday Brian?!!?

  9. Ouch Tracy.

    And yes it's Brian o Vretanos birthday.

  10. Look, Bee. I didn't believe you. I didn't believe ME. I thought it was a foregone conclusion.

    However, in my defense, as soon as the game was over, I did pop over here to say, "Oh, yes, Bee. You are the shizzle."

  11. People turning out to be losers just end up justifying a little fact I believe in that is true, pessimistic, depressing, yadda yadda yadda....

    There is only 1 winner in anything that you ever try to do. Sports, financials, video games, pie eating contests, etc.

    In the game of life if there is only 1 winner that would make about 6 billion plus losers.

    Thanks alot Brian, Happy Birthday.

    Oh do you know why defeat rallies/unites a community together?

    Its because everyone only then realizes that they all have something in common with one another. Not being a winner. Unless your that 1 guy or gal that is that 1 winner.

    You lucky sonofabitch.

  12. Frogster:
    Yes you did. All is forgiven! ;o)

    What the FFFFFFFFFFook are you talking about??

  13. Happy Birthday Brian!!!

    My dad has adopted the Rick Astley method of football fandom. He's never gonna give them up, never gonna let them down, never gonna run around and desert them.

    He lives in Houston and hangs out at a bar every week with fellow Bear fans. They have a mascot bear that they all share custody of too. It's kind of sick.

  14. There was nothing much to do in po-dunk Elkhart, Indiana so we went to Chicago all the time.

    The Egyptian exhibit at the Museum and the time we got stuck in the middle of it during a power outage. I nearly crapped myself next to a sarcophagus I was so scared.

    The candy pink ice cream parlor at Marshall Field's. Frango ice cream sundaes. Mmmmmmmmmmmm

    Woodfield Mall

    Seeing Annie and other great musicals in CHicago with my mom and grandpa. My grandpa would always either fall asleep as soon as the lights went down or take out his army wife and start cleaning his toe and finger nails. Good times.


    Hell Yeah Chicago Kicks Ass!


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.