Monday, February 11, 2008

Me and my nutless household.

-Day 42. His mother should have thrown him out and kept the stork.- Mae West

You know how I'm always telling you guys to come visit Chicago?
It's freezing and I don't want to be responsible for any freezer-burns or amputated toes do to frostbite. Knowing you, you'd come over in flip flops and shorts asking "where's the beach?".
It's even too cold for me!

Also, if you were to come over to my house and want a little snack. I'm afraid you'd be disappointed.

Let me tell you what happened to me.

I saw a can of yummy mixed nuts so I lunged for 'em. I was already imagining the nice salty crunchy deliciousness. I opened the lid and discovered... crumbs!


Who the hell eats almost all the nuts and then leaves only crumbs therefore giving a poor unsuspecting short person a false sense of peanuty-ness?

Let's investigate.

By process of elimination:
It wasn't me.
Mocha and Tazz can't eat peanuts and cannot reach the cabinets...
I guess that leaves only one person (who shall remain nameless!).

Now I'm left hungry, angry and nutless. Life can be so unfair sometimes.

Guess who backed into the recycle bin (because of the 10 feet walls of snow) while it was waiting to be picked up at the end of our driveway ??
By process of elimination:

It wasn't Andy.
Mocha and Tazz can't drive and cannot open the car door much less start the car.
I guess that leaves only one person (who shall remain nameless!).
Damn you snow!
Please click on humor-blogs to help me get some peanuts.


  1. My wife and I are in sunny Georgia. We walked out in short sleeve t-shirts to check out her car after her dad had just finished washing it. He washed it with a hose in the backyard (in a t-shirt and shorts).

    Happy not to be in Chicago this weekend.


  2. It's been nice and sunny here, too. Not T-shirt weather, though.

    You should host an "eskimo" weekend, where guests stay in your garden in igloos.

    I hope you regain your nuttiness soon ;-)

  3. Living in a household without nutz is something closely akin to medieval torture.

    I always keep a secret stash. HEHEHEHE! (maniacal laugh)

    And don't even get me started on the weather. I move FROM Florida TO Virginia. What was I thinking?

  4. Marie complains about the same stuff to me, there is clearly a couple of peanuts still in the can. He was being considerate and left you the last couple of peanuts and you get mad at him ?
    Even if it was only little pieces if you put them all together you're looking good. You need to ask for his forgivness.

  5. Read this, Bee. It's where I wrote about my Papi and his nuts and how he asked me in his sexy little Mexi-accent to "stop shaking his nuts around."

  6. I like The Bloodhound Gang song, Bad Touch. Especially that line that goes, "Put your hands down my pants and I bet you'll feel nuts, yes, I'm Siskel and I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up."

  7. Dear Bee,
    Now you can be considered nutless in more than one way! Ha! Sorry, I had to say it.
    My hubby does stuff like that all the time. It seems to me like it took more effort to walk into the kitchen, open the cabinet door, put the empty can back in the cabinet, and shut the door than it would have to just walk a straight line to the garbage can and throw the damn thing away. Why do they do things like this?

  8. sounds like a bat thing. you don't think they've gotten to Andy do you?

  9. SC:
    You will be back. Oh yes, you will be back!

    Great idea! I will serve them homemade icees scraped form the layer of ice on my driveway. MMMMM gasoline flavor...

    Yeah, I'm amrried to a monster! J/K.
    My family is from California and we left because of earthquakes. Now I'm second guessing our decision. So what if the earth moves a little and our dining room ends up in the pool? We'd be all set for a pool party!

  10. Dan:
    I like my puzzles to be of nice sceneries and the occasional unicorn. Not nuts.

    First of all: BWAHAHAHA!
    Second: Is there no end to your knowledge of all things?

    What is that saying "We're all amrried to the same guy but with different names"? I believe it!

    jean knee:
    He does sometimes use an old lady voice to talk to Mocha… dear lord, maybe they have!

  11. uh... "icees scraped FROM the layer of ice"

  12. what's the big deal ? you have to chew it anyway

  13. Brotha', knowing you as well as I do, there is no way you would have been happy with the meager little sprinkle of peanuts. Why should I be any different?
    Chicken Fajita Head! :op

  14. Yes it was I who left the last bit of snack nuts at the bottom of the can. And who else wouldn't?

    Probably a sicky thats who!

    Why would I want to eat the last bit of something like nuts, which has salt all over them, that everybody else has been digging thru?

    When something has salt people usually take em out, pop em in their mouth, lick their fingers & then dive back in for more!

    I can hear George asking right now, "Did you just double-dip that chip?"

  15. YOUR WIFE THAT'LL BE HOME IN 8 MINUTES!February 11, 2008 at 4:55 PM

    Andy sit down and take a deep breath! Who else but you has been eating out of that thing?
    Me once?
    But thats probaly what you wanted right?
    To gross me out for the next can?

  16. I think the inspectors in "insert country without health codes here"
    have dug through many times looking for the bug parts, you're only alowed a certain amount of bug parts you know

  17. I have heard of this magical thing they call the sun. I've also heard it does some crazy thing, like heat the atmosphere. I laugh at those who speak of it. "Who are you, wacky heat speaking wizards?"

    I simply won't believe in it until I experience it for myself, and I fear that may never happen.

    You know what else won't ever happen? My husband (oh, wait! the other person here who shall not be named!) throws away the crumbs and empty packages, therefore no longer taunting me with the hint of nutty goodness!


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.