Sunday, November 2, 2008

Unlike Samson, cutting my hair makes me stronger, smarter, faster... colder.

*Other title for this post that was discarded due to a disagreement as to what it would actually mean was "The antonym for Samson is Bee. "

So... I went to get my haircut Saturday morning.Since Charlize Theron's hairdo won by 43% and was also given a big thumbs up by my 5 year old niece, I packed up my magazine, water, cellphone and Kleenex (in case I cried) and headed on over to my stylist guy.

I've said before how the place I go to isn't a fancy salon. It's usually me and about 20 guys, which would be a nice fantasy but I think the majority of the characters there are of the dangerous variety.

Even so, I go there because A) I'm not afraid of anybody B) My hairstylist, Freddy, does an awesome job and C) If I stopped going he would hunt me down, shave my head and then slice and dice my scalp. (I know I just said I'm not afraid of anybody but Freddy is not just anybody! He has sharp scissors that are usually inches from my carotid artery and my eyeballs)

Anyway, I arrived and Freddy was styling some chicks hair with a blow dryer. When I told him what I was going to do with my hair, he shut the dryer off and asked "Que tu estas loca m'ija??"
Which is the same exact thing the other stylist guy said to me earlier this year when I told him I wanted blood red streaks.

I showed Freddy the picture of Charliez, he said okay.
A few minutes later, he showed me a picture of some random chick and asked what I thought. I said "oh, that looks pretty" but I didn't think twice about it after that.

I think some of you might already know what's coming. Even though I was giving him specific instructions on how I wanted my hair throughout the whole process, he did what he usually does. He did whatever the fuck he wanted!

This could have turned into a tragic story ladies and gents but it just so happened I loved the style, Freddy the Omnipotent, gave me.

So, in one year I've gone from:



To the most recent and final:

No more pony tails for me, they are definitely more like pig tails.

I've had long hair for years so it took a hefty dose of balls to say "Cut it all".

Even knowing my hair grows fast, I still felt a little faint when the scissors made their little kweek noise after he removed the first few inches. Then.... the experience became cathartic (and not in the icky, emptying of bowels sort of way, well maybe a little).

I don't know what it is about a great haircut that makes us feel like we have the power to remove obstacles from our path or crush those that are stupid enough to not move on their own.

I had a blow out fuckin fight with OZ (my boss, the orthopaedic surgeon) and I basically told him, TO HIS FACE, that I wasn't going to take his shit any more.

And I did that before the haircut so I'm thinking that we're in for some fun shit now that I've discovered the power of invincibility.

One of my favorite exchanges from my Friday meeting with OZ:

Wow! Is this how you are with the attorneys? I'm glad you're on my side!

Beware because I'm not always on your side.


The look on his face was priceless and I wish I had my trusty Scarlett to snap a picture for future bulls-eye and dartboard backgrounds.

Right after my venom exploded all over his shirt, we continued our meeting the way it should always be.

He listened when I spoke, didn't interrupt me and just sat there with his tail between his legs.
I still say he looks like Phillip Seymour Hoffman so here is what he kind of looked like:

Moving on, the winner of my Pass It Forward thingie is..........

I promise you I didn't cheat, you might not believe me but the name Andy pulled was.......


I debated whether Andy should pick another name but then I thought "Hey! I'm the boss of me!"

So Tracy, I already have your address so I will be sending you a little something something later in the week.

If you're thinking I should fire my hairstylist because he always does whatever the fuck he wants, I was thinking the same thing too. I might have to go into witness protection though so please look for my blog under the new name of "Mee's Busings".

As I type this, my in-laws and Andy are watching the sucky Bears play what some call football but I call torture to the eyes, ears, nose and VAGINA!

The current score is Lions: 23 Bears: 20



  1. Isn't that the girl from Grey's Anatomy?

  2. You look gorgeous!

    I can't wait to hear what happens in the Land of Oz on Monday!

  3. awww, Bee. You're so cute, I remember when you couldn't type vagina.

    Love the hair, is your neck cold?

  4. I'm so glad your hair turned out awesome! I admire your invincibility. :)

  5. I love the brown-black combo. ALL hairdressers do what they want no matter what you tell them. It's SO annoying.

  6. Any hairstyle that allows you to still have pigtails is a good hairstyle in my book!

  7. Wow, Im liking the hair cut. You look sickeningly cute. Say that three times fast. It really does look good. Im glad your bravery paid off for you.

    buzz buzz

  8. Did you keep the hair he cut off? You could always stick it back on again if you start feeling cold or weak.

    I wonder what the environmental consequences are of all the hair that gets thrown away?

    Next time I think you should take in a photo of PSH...

  9. it's the other way around for me. i've always had short hair, and it grew insanely long during this pregnancy. but i'm too old to get away with short hair now.

  10. it looks greeeeeeat!!!!

    I can't wait to see it in person!!!

    Oh yeah and "Hi from Texas"

  11. So ... the hair guru triumphs further?

    I wish I could comment more, but I haven't had my hair cut for several years. Plus I know bugger all about hairstyles.

    Glad you're happy with it.

  12. You call that short? Short is when you can see your scalp here and there. I'd demand my money back!

    But hey, it looks awesome!

  13. Your hair looks great! I always want to try a new haircut but then get scared.

  14. Bee, consider me subscribed to your RSS!!

    Yeah, what did you do with the cut-off hair?

  15. Very cute, Bee! Glad that your stylist "doing what the fuck he wanted" worked out so well. You might have to eventually put him in his place though like you did your boss! *smack* :D

  16. Ok, first of all, just what did you mean when you said, and I quote:
    "I debated whether Andy should pick another name"??????


    Geesh, I never win anything and then when I win something aweomse like something from the ever marvelous Bee, you "debate" on whether or not to give it to me...
    I want that package Bee.
    I WIN!
    I WIN!
    I WON!

    Oh and you also got a great haircut! And do you know why the wise Frankie gave you that haircut instead of the Charlize one? The same reason I told you not to get it, Bee. Sometimes, when I talk I actually make some sort of sense.
    He would have cut it that way, it would have been beautiful. Then you would have washed it and it never would have looked the same again. So he gave you one of his own. He is very wise.
    You look beautiful!
    Now get your beautiful hair and self to the post office and mail me my package because I WON IT FAIR AND SQUARE!!!!!

  17. You need to tell your boss, the "orthopaedic" surgeon, to drop the extra "a" from the spelling of his specialty.

    That extra letter just makes them seem pretentious and, um, ass-holey. Yeah, that's it.

    The Pediatricians did away with the extra "a" years ago, and everyone likes them better for it.

  18. I prefer pig tails to pony tails... especially if they're accompanied by little plaid skirt, knee socks, and a tied up blouse...

  19. Dan:
    No. You’re thinking of Katherine Heigel but the picture is of Charliez Theron who looks like Scarlett Johansen and nothing like Heigel.
    Thanks! The ladies went a little batty with my hair and I’ll talk about it later. :o)
    jean knee:
    Whatcha talking about? I’ve always said vagina. On;y I pronounce it regina or vajayjay.
    No, my neck isn’t cold yet but we’ve been having warm temps. I’ll let you know when it does get cold.
    Thanks! It takes a drastic change to bring on invincibility. But be careful, go to far and it may turn into invisibility.
    If it weren’t for the fact that I’d need a bowl to cut my own hair, I’d fire their asses.
    Hee hee! I agree!
    Thanks! I am seriously cute! ;op
    No I didn’t keep the hair he cut. He did a few inches then I made him but more so it didn’t get cut in one big chunk. I thought you were going to suggest I make voodoo dolls of myself and then sell them.
    No way do I ever want to resemble either PSH or OZ yuck!
    You are not old! I had an aunt once tell me that as women age, their hair should be shorter not longer. I think that the hair length should be determined by how it makes you feel.
    You are so mean to take my girls to Texas! Y’all better come now, ya hear??
    Yeah he is an opinionated little know it all bastard but he seems to know what looks good on people. How long is your hair????
    That is the shortest I’ve had it for years but I’ll give you your money back. I’ve bought shares in AIG just for you!
    Thanks Bill! :o)
    My hubs never understands why I chicken out at the last minute but it does take a lot of courage!
    I’m assuming the mutilated hair is keeping some rat warm in a Chicago dumpster.
    I will kick him to the curb one day but he’s cheap and knows what fits my face but I wish he’d be just a tad more humble! Like me!
    ha haha haa (nervous laughter) I only said that because people might think I rigged it because you’re my favorite. That’s all. We’re good now, right?
    Yeah. He knows best.
    I will let him know ASAP that he’s a pretentious asshole. We’re all in agreement.
    Holy crap! Do you need a Kleenex?


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.