Sunday, June 15, 2008

I'm in an abusive relationship... With my hairdresser.

Remember when I dyed my hair black with red streaks? Remember?
Well, I hadn't gone to a hairdresser since that day because I couldn't stand the thought of sitting in a chair for hours and hours and paying a gajillion dollars.

As a consequence, the red faded and left a weird orangey color but don't worry, I'm cool enough to pull it off.

Anyway, it was time to go back to my original guy whom I cheated on to get my highlights. This wasn't going to be pretty. He was going to go completely ballistic!
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Andy kept making fun of me saying stuff like "The unshakable Bee! Cowering before a gay man!"
Hey! He can be really mean!

Now, I know you must think I go to a frou frou expensive hoity toity place.
I know you think this because I'm always telling you how I'm of discerning tastes and don't like smelly stuff.
The truth is, I used to go to a hair salon that used to charge me $45 to do my hair. Now I go to a place where the majority of the clients are men getting a *fade* and it looks like this:
Don't judge me! I only pay 15 bucks for a great haircut! Plus, you have to be a complete bad ass to go in there and be the only girl in the place. We've all established that I am. (A bad ass I mean)

I had to make up a story to tell Freddy, my hairdresser, so I said I let a friend who was trying to get her cosmetology license mess with my hair. His reaction?

"Girl, she FUCKED YOU UP! You tell her if she touches your hair again I'll FUCK HER UP!"
And he means it too. He took out the big mirror they use to show you the back of your head and said "You see what that bitch did? You see?? Now I'm going to have to even your hair out!"
What did this translate to?
He removed about 4 inches from the length of my hair.
Is that what I wanted?
No. But you know what? He may be short but he IS the boss of me!
Here he is cutting my Andy's hair.
See why I go? It's inexpensive and I get all the abuse I need for the year.

Yeah, he removed half the weight from my head but I love my new hair style! And since I had the orangey highlights, my sister gave me a bottle of dye she wasn't going to use so I got the same *do* I had before for only $20 (including tip).

While admiring my cool hair, I noticed how my eyebrows had gotten all jungley again! The person who normally keeps them in shape recently had a baby and for some reason my eyebrows aren't her priority.

I don't fire her because she's my sister and that would be mean of me.

I took the stupid tweezers and did the job myself. It wasn't as easy as I thought since I didn't have a certain someone holding my chin and calling me a pansy every time I wanted to jump out of the chair.

To take advantage of all this girlie grooming, tomorrow I'm planning on wearing a nice skirt with killer shoes and then I'm going to the laundromat! Don't you wish you were me?

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You too can get a nice hairdo if you click on Humor-Blogs!

P.S.

We watched National Treasure 2 and I just want to know WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH NICHOLAS CAGE'S FACE?? He looks like he actually did have his face removed and then some hack with a butter knife and some fishing wire tried to put it back on! I couldn't concentrate on the movie because I kept wanting to throw up!

Just wonderin'.

25 comments:

  1. I FREAKIN LOVE YOUR HAIR BEE!!!!

    I'm still growing mine out for Locks Of Love. It is super long now to the middle of my back. I had a dream that I went to church naked and I didn't care because I wrapped my hair around me.

    It might be getting time for my big snip snip donation.

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  2. Okay. We can't afford to take everyone to get their hair cut because it's too expensive. Only Papi the working man gets that privilege. The Asian lady at Great Clips jacks with his hair and makes him look soooo old. The Mexi lady does an okay job but she doesn't cut it short enough to my liking. You know who kicks azz in the Mexi-Man hair styling? The only black lady that works there.

    I told Papi to request her but he can't remember her name and on days she's not there he can't very well say, "Hit me with that black beyotch, yo. She straight up knows her styling sheet."

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  3. I used to live with two gay men. I so understand their Queen Beetch ways.

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  4. Holy smokes you are smoking hot with that haircut!!!! Gay men make the greatest hair dressers.

    EVER. :)

    Oh, and yeah, wtf is up with Mr. Cage? Botox? Face lifts? What the hell??

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  5. It's like moulting - you need to get your hair cut for the summer. If it ever arrives.

    Top Fashion Tip: If you're in a hurry use a lit match to do your eyebrows.

    Has NC's face lift improved his acting at all?

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  6. Your hair looks great! I so love gay hairdressers. They give you the abuse you need but you totally know you deserve it for letting your hair get to the stage that you know is going to piss him off so you take more bitching from him that you would from anyone else in the world. How great is that relationship?
    Since moving out to the Crazy Farm, I've moved too far away from my beloved gay hairstylist and I have to say, I really miss the abuse. The lady who does my hair now does a good job but she never makes me feel guilty for waiting so long to come back, she never yells at me and shoves split ends in my face and yells "I totally could have saved this split end from happening had you bothered to come back sooner!"
    Those were the good days.

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  7. I liked the first National Treasure, but I thought the 2nd one was heinous. In the first one the clues made a certain amount of sense. In the 2nd, they were all over tarnation. I mean, come on. A city of gold under Mt. Rushmore? Why not find the mountain of youth in a Harlem YMCA while yer at it? I'm pretty sure there's a clue hidden in my underpants.

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  8. A hair cut is one of the few places I can justify spending over $15 for something that takes less than a half hour. For you, it looks like the time and money was well spent and I hope you learned your lesson about non-pros messing with your hair.

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  9. We're super cheap now. I cut GirlChild's in a bob and I got myself some electric clippers for BoyChild. They actually don't come out too badly.

    And I do like the idea of dark hair with a red streak ever since I read a character in a book with that look. Unfortunately, my hair is too light to carry it off well.

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  10. I have a friend who recently cheated on her longtime hairdresser with another. She is scared to bump into the old one. So scared she avoids potential run in by hiding at home and preventing the world from seeing her now great haircut. I told her to man up and not even say anything to the old hairdresser. However, that's just me talking big. I've been going to the same lady for a million years, and she scares me. It's the scissors, razors and wine she drinks while cutting my hair, I think.

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  11. i only have gay hairdressers! they are the best!!

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  12. my haircut sucks. I keep switching places but it still sucks. maybe it's just my hair.

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  13. I can't wait to see your hair in person. Are you coming to visit today? If you are let me know so I can have my tweezers ready for you. Don't worry it wont take long and I'll make it as painful as possible...

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  14. I meant Painless... Yup, that's what I meant... PAINLESS :)

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  15. The only way to enjoy the National Treasure movies is to keep your eye on the funny guy. The sidekick. He's the only thing that makes those movies worth a damn.

    And about the eyebrows, do you KNOW how easy it is go to in and get them waxed? And it's not usually more than ten bucks. I realize that you just paid only twenty to get a whole head of hair done, but still! What exactly is the excuse for letting them get all jungley? There is none.

    Also, your hair looks FAB!

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  16. I don't care what anyone says, $15 is a sweet price for 'do.
    I have no idea what jungley brow croppin costs, but be careful or you'll end up drawin them bastards back on. Then you'll ALWAYS look suprised!


    clickin-

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  17. hi Bee, I got nothin so it's just hi

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  18. "...so I said I let a friend who was trying to get her cosmetology license mess with my hair"

    I have SO TOTALLY used this too.
    Also, my friend who does my eyebrows just had a baby so I'm trying to do my best BEE!

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  19. If I ever come to Chicago, aside from visiting the 2 zoos, maybe I can get me a $15 haircut at Bee's bad ashed haricut place.

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  20. EWBL:
    Thanks!

    For some reason, even though we were always broke, my mom always took me to a hairdresser to get my haircut. I think it was because it was so wild and crazy when I was younger. Freddy never wants to listen to me when I tell him to cut Andy's hair short. I think he just likes touching his hair.

    Chelle B:
    Thanks! I do tend to emanate smoke in places...

    Brian:
    Are you sure you’re not a cosmetologist?? You seem to know allot about torture grooming.

    Tracy:
    Thanks!
    Gay hairdressers will always tell you the truth. Well, the truth according to them.

    Marie:
    THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I TOLD ANDY! And um, the clue in your underpants? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

    Sornie:
    Yeah, I used to get my haircut by a *styling specialist* but now I’m pretty much okay with anyone cutting it as long as they don’t shave a Cubs logo on the back of my head. ;o)

    Alice:
    It was something I wanted to do for years but I worked in places that would make frowny faces at me if I did something so dramatic. Now I just blend in with the rest of the loonies in the asylum.

    FADKOG:
    I put off going to him just out of sheer fear of his reaction. Yup! I’m a chicken shit!

    Leigh:
    They tell you what looks good on you know matter what everybody else says.

    jean knee:
    Your hair is way cool in a Peter Pan way. Don’t let anybody tell you different! ;op

    Nancy:
    You just like to torture me!

    Teri:
    Thanks! I have no excuse for my eyebrows uniting. None.
    No, they’re not that bad really I just have some nutty ones that grow on my eyelids and make them look like I have 2 rows of eyelashes. Hope you weren’t eating!

    Damon:
    Ha! No, I’m too young to have that surprised look on my face, I’ll stick to cynical look as long as I can.

    jean knee:
    HI!

    Dan:
    thanks.

    NCS:
    Ha ha! We shake in our boots! :o)

    Thanks! And if you come over to Chi-town, I will give you a guided tour of all the main attractions like The Bean. I’ve never been so it’ll be new to me too.

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  21. Cage has had at least one facelift, maybe two. I'm guessing a forehead lift as well. Those are the worst and the only one who looks good with it is Demi Moore. But she spent over 100,000 grand on her plastic surgery so there you go.

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Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.