Tuesday, November 25, 2008

You know how some sick sadistic bastards sometimes say they have good news and bad news because they like f*cking with your emotions? Also, I saw Twilight.

So... good news. We got our flood insurance money. Yeah! I know! How awesome, right? Right??

The bad news is that they issued it under my name (that's okay because I am who I say I am), Andy's name (he is who I say he is so that's good too) AND OUR MORTGAGE COMPANIES. In little tiny print, it says "this is a multiple party check and cannot be cashed without having all parties sign it". Great! Now we have to go hunt down Mr. National City and Ms. First Bank.  I have no clue how to make a whole institution sign a check that belongs to us.

I feel like they delivered our money in shatter proof glass, set it in front of us knowing we couldn't get it and are currently laughing their asses off as they eat small children. Fuckers!


In other news:

I went to see Twilight on Saturday.

Because my husband is a great man and is whipped loves me, he got up early so we could go to the first showing and avoid all the tweens who were sure to be screeching and shrieking and sighing and talking. We were the first ones in the theater so Andy left his coat on the chair beside me and went to get our delicious nachos (yes, it was only about 9:30 and eating them so early goes against my junk food before noon rules but I am not being supervised at the moment, remember?). Here is what I didn't count on. THE MOMS! There were zero tweens but their moms were everywhere!

So there I am, sitting in the dark theater, waiting for my nachos (and Andy) when a group of them got in my row. Andy and I sat all the way in the back row smack dab in the middle. This way, buttholes do not have to walk in front of us when they have to use the bathroom because they either go to their left or the right. Movie watching is serious business! Anyway, they (the group of women) started side-sliding down my empty -except for me- row with no sign of stopping. When I noticed one of the MOMS' asses was going to sit on Andy's coat, I had to say something. Politely of course. "Uh, are you planning on sitting on my husband's coat??" Her "whoopsie" nearly drove me to commit battery. Where did she sit? RIGHT NEXT TO ANDY'S SEAT!

Then they started yammering away. Non stop! And giggling. And sighing. And shrieking. And talking. This was an unforeseen dilemma I have to say.

When Andy came back, I told him to sit on the other side of me (WOMEN ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SIT NEXT TO HIM)(but I'm not possessive or anything). It was a good thing because that stupid lady kept squirming in her seat to talk to her friends. I told Andy (in a loud whisper much to his embarrassment) "dude! she totally would have nailed you with her elbow!"

The the theater filled up with groups of women my age. I couldn't help but think that a lot of them were probably bloggers too. I would have stood up and asked but I was eating nachos.

Now for my movie review. I really wanted to like it. The scenery was excellent but as is the case with books to movies, they sometimes disappoint. I wasn't a fan of the actors. Unfortunately, this book is more about Bella's thoughts so it's kind of hard to translate that into a movie.

I found her constant exhaling annoying. It was almost as if she was trying to convey frustration/exasperation/fear by releasing air. Um? Yeah? I'm not much of an actress but even I could have done better.

Watch, here is me frustrated:


Here is me terrified:


Here is me exasperated:


Say what you want about my acting but I did it better than she did. It seemed like she didn't believe herself and if she didn't believe herself, why should I? You know how serious I take my vampires!

Anyway, the guy who played Edward is hairy. That's all I have to say about him.

Also? What is with young guys these days and their refusal to brush their hair? Don't make me go over there with my heavy brush because I will whack you with it and then brush your hair!

I have to admit I will probably go see the next one. Don't judge me!




  1. FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    That's certainly sadistic (the money, I mean).

    Your acting was very impressive - when they come to do the sequel, I hope they find parts for you and Tazz The Wonderdog.

  2. You had me rolling with your acting skills....LOL!

  3. You should open up a class to teach your acting technique! Awesome as always Bee!

    Lucky for you, the lady didn't have the butt that doesn't stop, as if she had, you'd have been the victim each time that she needed to turn and talk with her girls!

    Why do so many folks insist on coming to a movie to sit around and talk through the entire show?

    Can't you wait for the DVD to come out so you can sit around and do that at home instead??

    Have a good one!!

  4. I never knew that Twilight even existed before this movie, and really couldn't understand why it was such a hit when it first was mentioned. Of course later I found out it was because of books, but hell I ain't heard of those cooks either. I'm not excited to see it, even though vamps are hot and all..

    Oh and you did great with those ladies, I bet they be bloggin' about yo skills right now too! LOL

  5. Oh, my. Your acting skills are worthy of my slow clap (clap, clap). Also? Someone really said "whoopsie"? I hope that at that very moment you made a mental note to blog about that? You know what? I ate nachos Sunday morning, but I waited until 10 am. Yeah, I'm that civilized. I'm hoping to catch the movie this weekend. I'm praying I don't laugh at the twinkling skin.

  6. what's with all these grown women going crazy over a teenaged vampire??? I mean it's okay to enjoy the book whatever, but all the squealing and junk is a little too much. I can't see that movie or Drew will make fun of me.

  7. Give me just one day...I would so get into that 'security' container...

  8. holy shite on the insurance money- wtf??? that is absolutely crazy.

    yeah, unfortunately i think i'm going to be more irritated that anything else when i do see the movie. and there are just not enough car chases, explosions, shirtless fistfights or guys getting whacked to warrant me paying 10.50 to go see it in the movies.

  9. Usually I'm a pacifist, but people who talk a lot in cinemas need a good hard slap across the chops. As to mortgage / insurance companies, well, all I can say is deliver me from their evil ways.

    The acting was brilliant, btw. As to your no junk food before midday rule, that of course needs to be suspended in the event of a much anticipated movie. Has to be. You know this is true.

    Erm ... I'm a dude with long hair ... but I brush, oh yes, I brush it regularly. At least once a month whether it need it or not.

    Think I'd better go now.

  10. bleh i'm sick of hearing about twilight all the chicks i know are going googoogaga and it is sick en ing!! go to the banks themselves and ask for a manger theyll be familiar with insurance settlements you should be all good for them to sign or you might need a "release of signature letter" from them to take to your bank. yup all the lawyering studies is helping ME help YOU!! why do you swear in your post but put that ridiculous thing on the title "f*cking"?? censoring yourself in your advancing years?

  11. I was captivated. I'm nominating you for an oscar.

  12. How have I missed this whole "Twilight" thing? I didn't hear about the books until the news showed all of these screaming girls waiting to get into the theatres. {SIGH} And it seems to be turning grown women into giddy teenagers again because my friend, the Duchess, sent me an email the other day telling me that I needed to read the books and see the movie, yada yada, and after she signed (or typed) her name, she wrote Edward=Yummy!

    And I hope you know that the whole check thing is just another way for the flood insurance place to mess with you and slow your money down. Assholes.

  13. Bee! Your terrified acting scared the hell out of me!! Damn, woman, you are one fine actress!

    I refuse to feed the Twilight machine. I won't even rent it for a dollar when it comes out on DVD and it's in the redbox. No. Mark my words!

  14. And also, why haven't you been over to see me today?
    I'm not trying to sound all "psycho stalker" like but you haven't been over today.
    Not that I'm bitter or anything.

  15. But I left you something on my blog. Actually, two somethings. But don't get excited, neither are chocolate. Sorry.

  16. hey, i'm not watching that film.

    i will say, however, that i like your new header! bravo!

  17. I hate it when loud people sit next to me in the movies! The worst is the loud popcorn chewers!

  18. Brian:
    Thank you! It's better than my movie making, right? (:op

    You were supposed to be terrified for me... :o(

    I hate the talkers!

    YEah, I should google "twilight mean bitch" ;o)


    jean knee:
    I don't know it is kind of gross.
    Don't go and spend money on it. Rent it. Maybe.

    DO IT VE! DO IT!

    Yeah. Wait for the rental. Maybe.

    Thanks Chris! I had to get into character which was kind of hard but I but then Andy brought over his socks and well...
    I of course did not mean you, Chris. I said young guys. ;o)

    Ahhh tadpole! Some people have me on their sidebar and I don't want my title to bring their blogs down. And thanks for the advice and the harrasing phone calls. I get it.

    THANKS!! I'd sell it on ebay so fast... because you know I'd win.

    You crack me up! Read the books, you'll enjoy them.

    Oh sorry. I should have warned you I was gonna be acting.

    You are on the right track regarding the Twilight thing.

    Thanks! I love it!

    Yup! And when grown women squeal at teenagers! tsk tsk. Brad Pitt is another matter...

  19. Excellent. I never thought of using HTML to express my emotions.

  20. Why is it that there can be ten empty rows, but the fat asses always squirm into the seat next to me and the tall ones sit in front of me, and the "chair back kickers" get behind me (especially the ones with a cold and projectile sneezing) I ALWAYS end up moving, and none too quietly.


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.