Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The official "Day after my birthday" post.

So, back when I was a wee little Bee, I used to hate the fact that my birthday landed on Veteran's Day. No offense to the Veterans but I was a little girl and all I wanted was a cupcake and to wear the "today is my birthday" crown just like the rest of the little brats in my class.

I know there must have been other kids with bigger birthday problems, like the ones who were born in July or August but frankly that thought never crossed my 5/6/7 year old mind or if it did I'm sure I probably said something along the lines of "well they can suck it, I'm all about me!".

Every year, around my birthday, my little town (I was born and raised in California) had a parade to mark the beginning of the 3 day Rodeo. That was always exciting because we got to walk all the way to Main street (we lived on B st. –SERIOUSLY- ) I remember most of my little girl birthdays fondly up until the year I turned 9. That was the year my dad had promised to take us to the Rodeo but instead decided to disappear for 2 weeks. To this day, I have no clue where he went or what he was doing but I do remember my mom being crazy with worry. Understandable since she had 4 children to take care of at that time.

I remember policemen coming and taking reports, our next door neighbor Benny calling people to help him scout the last places my dad had worked, our phone constantly ringing and people coming and going from our house. He finally showed up one day acting like he had done no wrong.

Until I typed that, I hadn't realized why I have always been indifferent to my birthdays. It's weird being the oldest kid. My brother Dan is constantly saying 'things weren't that bad' but I bet him 1 million dollars he has no recollection of those two frantic weeks since he was only about 5.

Anyway, let's pull ourselves out of that depressing shithole!

As the years have started to accumulate and begun doing major damage to my bones, I've become aware of them again. I try not to make a big fuss about my birthdays. I don't need a party, cake and presents (hello? I'm not a little kid anymore!). A nice Happy Birthday phone call will do just fine.

This year, my birthday started like any other day. Alarms blaring and being a damn nuisance like always. Andy stealing my pillow. Mocha barking. Me regretting the fact that I missed ONE number when I almost won the lottery. Meh. But then I might never have met Andy so I guess I won anyway [pukey with the saaappy! :o)]

Andy left, forgot to wish me a happy birthday, called me right before I got in the shower (see Tracy, that's why I need to bring my phone inside with me) weirdly, I'd forgotten it was my birthday too so I wasn't upset.

My mom came downstairs to give me my birthday hug right before I left for work. She was so cute, hadn't even opened her eyes all the way.

I got to work and BOOM! a little munchkin and her momma (my 5 year old niece Natalia and my sister) rounded the copy machine and yelled "Surprise Happy Birthday!". They came in early (like way way way early) and decorated my little corner of the asylum. That made my day!

I normally like taking my birthday off, not because I want to do anything special but because I hate the constant attention of people asking me what I'm going to do or what I think I'm gonna get for my birthday. They always look at me weird when I say we are just having dinner and I'm not expecting gifts.

The office manager, Omarossa (formerly Glynda the good witch), who for some reason is back from her I-hate-Bianca-more-than-I-hate-wedgies tour, was all chipper telling the whole fuckin world it was my birthday.

Now, if I weren't the self proclaimed Queen of the Anti-Socialites, I might have squeezed out a smile but instead I would stand in the middle of the hallway, while anonymous patients gave me their bland happy birthday wish, and shrug. Yup, I shrugged. I don't know why I responded in shrugs but I'm sure I meant them.

Then I enjoyed some time with my nutty family. But they didn't come for my sake, they for my mom's delicious cooking and as sort of a Bon Voyage party. Why? BECAUSE MY MOTHER LEAVES FOR MEXICO ON FRIDAY AND WON'T BE BACK UNTIL JANUARY 26TH!

I know you're sad now because you're worried about who will cook for me and Andy. I am now accepting care packages!

Speaking of care packages, in my mail I got some goodies from my dear friend Tracy and insulter Brian.

Brian sent me a card that says I'm an old hag. For reals he did.
But! I forgive him because he did a birthday post just for me.
Tracy sent me replacement teeth after she read my twitter that I had uh, swallowed my vampire teeth (oopsie!). She also wrote me a cool

Isn't it weird that I felt all warm and fuzzy inside when you, faceless people (well, I'm sure you HAVE faces… I hope you have faces.) I've come to like, wished me happy birthday? No doubt we are living in an odd time.

I am one lucky chick!

Now, I'm off to go buy ANOTHER birthday cake to take in to work. Go figure! It's my week to bring office treats AND I ALSO HAVE TO BUY MY OWN CAKE!

As I got older, I learned to appreciate not having to go to school on my birthday. I would go around school telling the other kids "Don't come to school tomorrow, it's my birthday."


  1. FIRST!!!!

    I didn't say you were an old hag. I simply suggested that you might be on your way there...

    ...slowly of course.

    Enjoy your cake.

  2. Oh Brian, that was rude!
    My card told Bee how great her hair was..and my replacement teeth have a leash on them so if you swallow them again, you just have to pull the tongue leash and you have them back!
    I'm always thinkin' of you Bee!
    I was worried though because to make the teeth fit into the envelope, I had to cut off the choking warning. Don't choke on them, ok? If you do, sue China.

    I know how you felt about the "faceless people" sending you things. I loved all of my stuff from everyone...funny though, I didn't get anything from Brian calling me an old hag.

    I'm glad you had a great birthday Bee!

  3. Also, I get the whole "dad disappearence" thing.
    My dad once left the house, saying he was going to Big Lots for batteries and t-shirts and didn't come back for a week.
    And he hated shopping!

  4. Also, I am worried that your mom is leaving you to starve to death! Would you like me to send you a goat? It would still be alive, of course, because neither the hubs nor myself have the guts to kill it but you're welcome to it.

    I wonder how I'll mail it?

  5. Don't worry Bee, I'm sure that you'll make out OK.

    After all, you just need to open that PayPal account, and take donations so that you and Andy and company can just go out to eat, and have others wait on you hand and foot until your mom comes back!

    See? I'm not always a jerk..

    There are times where I can come up with some really good ideas!

  6. Peter's birthday is three days after Christmas, so he doesn't get much of anything. I do, however, make him a cake and we do have a party. But gifts? Not so much.

  7. Proof of my face! --------->

    Birthdays mean less and less each year. I always have to be persuaded to venture out, and without people buying me drinks I might not even do that.

    Next year will be different. The cats have told they will celebrate by eating lots of fresh salmon, expense by damned as it's an important day. Hmm.

    I hope your mum enjoys her trip and that you and Andy aren't found starved in January. I daresay you'll manage.

    Cake is a food. So are Mojitos. Mix the two (NOT IN A GLASS) and you'll be fine.

  8. Sounds like a good b-day to me! :) And more cake is always a good thing, even if you bought it yourself!

  9. Happy Belated Birthday Bee!!

    I went the opposite extreme, and celebrate the whole month.

    (I demand presents the whole way too.)


  10. Brian:
    Mhm... And I was going to ask you about the "and more men than she can shake a stick at". I always have enough sticks! ;op

    I promise not to choke on the teeth but I can't make the same promise about everything else that goes into my mouth... THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

    Mmmm GOAT! Just put a tamp on its butt and send it on its way!

    I like being waited on! Great idea!

    I never said you were a jerk, I might have said you suffered from jerklike behavior. ;o)

    Yeah, they usually bring me a cake against my wishes but I always eat it!

    HA! isee your face! :o)

    Is it too early for a Mojito?? I want one desperately now but I'm not supposed to have any at work. Bastards!

    The 3rd cake was also de-lish!

    HI LOBO!! And thanks!
    Hmmm I like your idea about a month long gift giving! Do you need my address? You know, because you are already so many days behind on my gifts for the month?

  11. my birthday falls on easter every few years. when i was a kid people were always giving me stuffed bunnies. no wonder i hate stuffed animals.

  12. Happy B-lated
    i read your bl;og thru Georgie, just never commented before.

  13. hope you had a great day. it HAS to be better than mine.

  14. Not only do I have a face... It's sending you a big kiss :)

    Safe travels to your Mom... she did cook a whole bunch of things that freeze nicely for you beforehand... right?

  15. Happy b-day, Bee. I bet Dad just went looking for the perfect pony for you, and he was ashamed to come back empty handed.
    Cheers -- I'll raise a Goose Island to you tonight.

  16. Marie:
    My niece's is April 4th, the same thing happens to her. :o(

    Mrs. Cupcake:
    Thanks! :o)

    It was great, Leigh and I'm sorry about your day. :o(

    I see your face! :o)

    Thank you for the well wishes. She dispensed food for her sons but her poor poor daughters will have to starve. :o(

    Pffft! Yeah, I'm sure that's what it was. ;o)

    Thanks but you don't need to drink on my account. (:op

  17. I can't believe I missed Bee's birthday.
    Happy Birthday Dear Bee! (not that you needed my help to make it happy, since I obvislou was no help whatsoever)

  18. Little Natalia put a happy "I love you rainbow sticker of Auntie Bee's shirt (dress?), how cute.

    See Bee? I really care about you, even though I miss your birthday.

  19. Wow. I can't even spell obvislou.


    Why would anyone want to be my blog friend? I leave belated lame misspelled comments.

  20. my birthday falls on memorial day a lot and sometimes was the last day of school. I never thought about either, as soon as ice cream and cake came together I was in the zone zoning out everything else.

    your office was rockin for your b-day.

  21. Sounds like you had a pretty awesome birthday, shrugs and all! I forgot you'd have to buy your own birthday cake for work. I might have to actually MAKE my own birthday cake for Saturday, because I don't see much baking going on around these parts!

  22. Dad took me to the Rodeo once, in your face BEE!!!!

  23. Happy belated birthday! You know, in medieval'd be dead!

    PS – You better not miss my post for Fri 11/14. I’m one post shy of 600 and out of those there are only 3 current pictures of VE and NONE of him when he was younger. Ever wonder what teen VE looked like? Here’s your opportunity to find out along with a mega embarrassing meme as well. It’s not pretty.

  24. I love that your family surprised you at work! That part brought tears to my eyes. I noticed you never mentioned the stripper I bought you for your birthday. It's cool. Wasn't she hawt?

  25. My dad never disappeared for two weeks, but try having your birthday smack dab between Xmas and New Years. Dec 28. It sucks.

  26. NCS:
    Thanks! :o)
    I felt you were here in spirit. Besides, I know you were trying not to be crushed by a huge man with no bacon. It's all Gouda!

    jean knee:
    Ice cream you say??
    Yeah, my office was a place of happiness for one day.

    Thanks! :o)


    ::rolls eyes:: Whatever dude. You were always a goody two shoes.

    Thanks! I think... (:o\
    I'll be there!

    Yeah, the stripper you sent was Danny DeVito. What gives??

    Awwww poor you!

  27. Happy B-lated B-day Bee. Sorry I missed the party. Hope you had a great day. Many happy returns.

    Here's a hug {{{{{HUG}}}}}. Sorry I don't got a face.

  28. ONE NUMER OFF ON THE LOTTO!! Did you at least get a medium consolation prize like $1500, or something?

    I hear they're gonna have 17 snow storms in Mexico until Jan. 26th.

  29. Bee, did you grow up in Porterville, or some other Cow Town in the central valley of California, because it sounds exactly like my husband's bush-okie hometown, LOL!


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