Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Andyism- Insults are like chocolate rain drops.

-Day 36. Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.- Phyllis Diller
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Another gem from my favorite man.
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Bee: [as I’m looking in a mirror]
I just saw a chick on TV that said she was 27 and she looks older than I do! She’s got tons of wrinkles.
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Andy: [reading comic books]

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Bee:
I don’t think I have any yet... look at me!
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Andy: [looks]
That’s because your face has absolutely no animation. [goes back to reading comic books]
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Bee: [face animated with fury]
WHAT!!??
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Andy: [realizing my face IS IN FACT animated]
No! I meant that in a good way! I meant your facial muscles have uh… well, they’re uh… FUCK! [laughing hysterically]
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[the story ends with a certain guy in a headlock. AGAIN!]
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If you don't want to wind up in a headlock, click on humor blogs!

22 comments:

  1. Funny!

    A student of mine said to his reading teacher: "You have crows feet!"
    WAIT!!! It doesn't end there, he then continued on and said: "you should get an anti-aging serum"!!!!!!!!! Can you believe it!! 5th grade! He must be up all night watching infomercials!

    BTW, I am FIRST!!!

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  2. They're worried about HDTV showing up even more wrinkles on presenters. Perhaps it's the studio lights.

    Congratulations on being wrinkle-free. Maybe you should write a book "The Anti-Wrinkle Lifestyle", and share your secret with others. You'd make a fortune. Especially if you told everyone you were 75.

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  3. The reason you don't have wrinkles is because you don't have children. It's amazing what those little frickers can do to your body, even years after giving birth to them!
    So, if you do like Brian says and write a book, make sure that one of your reasons for being wrinkle free is because you've never shoved a kid out of your uterus and then had to deal with them until they're adults!
    Disclaimer: I truly do love my children...:).

    ReplyDelete
  4. I don't have any wrinkles either. Want to know my beauty secret? I'm fat. The fat fills out the age lines quite nicely.

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  5. I saw a lady on the news once who had surgury on smoe muscles that control smiles, she did so she wouldn't get wrinkles around her mouth.
    Dan

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  6. Nothing wrong with wrinkles, it's a part of life. Walking around with a face that's frozen in time, now that's scary.

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  7. a wrinkle in time saves nine.
    that doesn't sound right.
    I have named each one of my wrinkles, I worked hard for those things and want them to feel loved

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  8. What I love about this blog is its educational value. I never realised those facial muscles were "smoe muscles" ;-)

    It's seriously embarrassing for these people when it goes horribly wrong. There's an actress here who ended up with a "Trout Pout" and became the object of national ridicule...

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  9. Chocolate Rain
    Build a tent and say the world is dry
    Chocolate Rain
    Zoom the camera out and see the lie

    Chocolate Rain
    Forecast to be falling yesterday
    Chocolate Rain
    Only in the past is what they say

    (EVERYBODY!)

    ReplyDelete
  10. I don't have any wrinkles either.
    My secret?

    Youth.

    ReplyDelete
  11. don't believe her, she's ancient, she just looks young

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  12. LMAO. Oh, now that's funny!

    It's awesome that you are wrinkle free. And who cared if you have no animation in your face. Your blog is animated and thats all that really counts, isn't it??

    Btw, Just finished watching Princess Bride with the kiddos last night. I love that movie.

    ReplyDelete
  13. One of the attorneys I’m interning with is a few years younger than you Bee but she looks older than my mom. I think ethnicity has allot do with it. Know what’s funny? I’ve slept like 4 hours in as many days and I look older than you right now. ‡0Ð
    Does Andy have Rock Band yet? We need to have some jamming sessions!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Esmeralda:
    I would have cried. No, not really. Maybe punched him.

    Brian:
    I love making allot of money! Only problem is nobody would believe I'm 75 cuz I'm so hot. [snicker]

    Tracy:
    Uh-hu could be could be. So you condone me not having any right>

    EWBL:
    You don't having any because you have inner peace. hommmmmnnnnn.

    Dan:
    Lucky me, according to Andy anyway, my face isn't animatyed so you never know when I'm happy, mad, sad, MAD, crazy etc.

    Anon:
    No, there's nothing wrong with them. They show you've lived and character and uh... some other deep insightful stuff.

    jean knee:
    You too have inner peace. hommmmnnnnn

    Brian:
    Yup! That's why I've decided never to surgi-fy my face.

    NCS:
    Dancing a-la Carlton style to your snappy tune!
    You too have inner peace. hommmmnnnnn

    jean knee:
    Mean.

    Chris:
    Funny cuz I always thoguht my face was pretty animated. Correction, not PRETTY but animated.
    PRINCESS BRIDE BEST MOVIE EVER!!!

    BD:
    :o( Get some sleep. Can't you just sleep under a desk? Pretend you're researching stuff on craftmanship if they catch you.
    No Rock Band yet. Maybe in March. Maybe.

    ReplyDelete
  15. CAN SOMEBODY FIND THE DOOR TO THIS NUTHOUSE FOR ME???

    MAYBE BY LISTENING TO MY VOICE YOU CAN PULL ME OUT??

    ReplyDelete
  16. When are men going to learn the lesson I learned long ago?

    Never answer a question while reading comic books.

    They are far too important to be interrupted by the likes of a woman.

    Poke

    ReplyDelete
  17. Poke:
    You do have a point. My bad for interrupting such a serious indulgence.

    Maybe he wants my face to be all KAPOW BAM like they are in comic books. With their mouths twisted and drool coming out of them and the eyeballs rolled to the back of their eyes.
    How can a girl compete with that?

    ReplyDelete
  18. I reserve the right to hold all up to scrutiny by comparing everyone to the anatomical perfection that is a comic book superhero/heroine body.

    Although if I had shoulders as wide as Superman or Bee had Wonder Woman's.....HAIR!!! we might never be able to walk thru a conventiona l size doorway without some slight contortions ever again.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I credit my lack of wrinkles to apathy.

    When I do get wrinkles, though, I intend to have one of those soft focus filter lights attached surgically on a bar sticking outta my chest, so I always look like an angel.

    An apathetic angel.

    ReplyDelete
  20. ANDY:
    I have Wonder Woman's... HAIR! Now what?

    FADKOG:
    You know, I would have been okay with him saying I was apathetic. I just told him he must have said that because when he talks to me about all his "interests" I look at him without letting him know WHAT I'm really thinking.

    That is the secret to our marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Coincidentally I have Wonder Woman's hair. Of course, after I cut it off she hit me with a restraining order, but I never have any problems getting through doors.

    How come there are no fat super heroes?

    Poke

    ReplyDelete
  22. I was gonna say Hulk and Thing but I guess they're more muscular but they do look chubby.

    Who would by the comics if they made 'em chubby.
    Although... I think we have a Bluntman and Chronic comic.

    ReplyDelete

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.