Wednesday, September 12, 2007

First Cute and Cuddly then TORTURE!

First Cute and Cuddly.

Above is a picture of Shoogie Boogie and her Boogie mom (AKA my little sis) on Natalia's first day back at Pre-K. Aren't they both cuties? :o)
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She was dropped off at school the same as last year. Her mommy, daddy and grandmother all watched as she ran into her new classroom with a quick goodbye but without a backwards glance!
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Then her daddy picked her up and drove her to mommy's work where they went to lunch and the plan was for daddy to take her miniature golfing.
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However...
-The little princess had had a long day! :o) Her daddy had to park under the shade and wait for her to wake up from her nap.

AWWW!


Now Torture!
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Anyway, in my quest to be the most evil worker ever to grace this office... I did the following to the poor unsuspecting souls that have the misfortune to be my co-workers.
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My friend Thunderbird, Lord of The Spiders sent me the following tongue twister:
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I'm not the Pheasant Plucker,
I'm the Pheasant Plucker's son,
And I'm only plucking pheasants
Till the Pheasant Plucker comes.

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My plan: To recite it over and over at odd moments and at different volumes.

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The following were the reactions after they "heard" me say the tongue twister.

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Victim #1- Purple Dino-SOUR
PD: [walking toward her desk]
Is that a song? It sounds like you’re saying “flucker”…?
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Cool Shoes Bee:
What? Oh I’m sorry, was I talking out loud?
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PD:
Yes, what was it you were saying?
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Cool Shoes Bee:
Not sure, I didn’t realize I was saying anything. Sorry if I was bothering you. [faked a sheepish look]
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PD: [Confused look, which is her normal look because she's, say it with me, always confused!]
Oh. Okay.

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-I had to be careful and torture them separately-

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Victim #2- Scarecrow

Scarecrow: [looking for a chart near my desk]

Ha Ha! Is that a dirty limerick?

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Cool Shoes Bee:

What? Is what a dirty limerick?

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Scarecrow: [smiling from ear to ear]

What you were saying right now. It sounded like "I once had a peasant [whispers] fucker"

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Cool Shoes Bee: [looking at her with big shocked eyes]

Waaahhuut!?

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Scarecrow: [embarrassed]

Oh! My mistake I just thought you... sorry.

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As soon as she walked out I laughed till I couldn't breathe! I felt bad but I couldn't tell her just yet.

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Victim #3- Milton

Milton: [walking towards the copy machine that's right next to me]

I'm sorry what?

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Cool Shoes Bee:

I'm just talking to myself.

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Milton:

Oh. [You could tell she's dying to ask again but didn't want to risk angering me. Like that's possible, I'm so sweet all the time!]

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I said it again, made sure she heard me over the copier's noise

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Milton: [little girl poltergeist voice]

Are you reciting a poem?

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Cool Shoes Bee:

Um... no, just thinking out loud. Sorry if it bothers you.

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Milton:

No, it doesn't bother me but out of curiosity, what were you saying?

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Cool Shoes Bee:

I know I was talking out loud but I'd really rather not talk about it. It's kinda personal.

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Milton:

I understand but it just seemed like you were saying something about a "pleasant plucker"...?

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I coudn't stand it anymore I busted out laughing!

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So let's recap:

We got flucker, peasant fucker, pleasant plucker.

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I haven't laughed so hard since... well since I got an e-mail saying I had offensive material on my blog! Me! Can you believe it? Me either!!!

I should cut their head off with a humid piece of celery!

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Yeah, I know. I'm such a Bit- ah-ah-ah... Didn't say it.

25 comments:

  1. THE OUTRAGE!!!

    cute little fam. Lean is exhausted when she gets home from kinder, then she's all grouchy to me. Gone is the well rested fun loving girl of summer

    your office staff has loads of fun and they don't even realize it



    on a scale of 1-10 how boring would you rate this comment?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Whatever happened to the good old days of Peter Piper Picking Peckers?

    ReplyDelete
  3. ROFLMAO.

    Your niece is sooo sweet.

    and I love the reaction to the tongue twister. LMAO. I so wish I could place certain people to work with you for just a day. It would be hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  4. jean knee:
    your comments are never boring! This is what I read in you comment:
    "Wow Bee! I wish I could pay you for making me laugh so loud I nearly pee'd my pants!"

    So... thanks! :o)

    ELWB:
    I think Peter pulled and picked his pecker till he pissed in purple...

    He needed surgery! :o(

    chris:
    Bring 'em down these people here are begining to bore me! I could use some fresh meat!

    ReplyDelete
  5. 1 Pheasant: $165

    "The Gourmet Game Bird Cookbook": $30

    Suckering your coworkers: Priceless!

    ReplyDelete
  6. that's exactly what I was thinking.
    you aren't psychotic are you? I mistrust mind readers

    ReplyDelete
  7. JK: Actually you're worrying that it's you that's the psychotic mind reader, and that you've been reading my mind without realising it.

    But if you could read my mind you wouldn't be worried, you'd be terrified!

    I hope that reassures you...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Whatever, Whoever, However…
    I can read both your minds and the world’s:
    JK: I wish I was as cool as Bee
    brian: I wish I was as cool as Bee
    World: I wish I was as cool as Bee

    brian:
    Holy poultry feathers… $165 for a pheasant??
    I hope it’s a good phlucking pheasant! :op

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh-Oh!
    The bats have just compared notes and now thy're questioning my sanity!

    My question is:
    Was there ever any question?

    Hmmm... time to ponder!

    ReplyDelete
  10. You are just evil...and I love it. Although you must drive everyone at work crazy! Gooo you!

    ReplyDelete
  11. brian:
    Now if only I could get people to send me money...

    Mrs. Jo:
    It's only fair that I drive them crazy since they drove me there first. :o)

    Where's my coffee?

    ReplyDelete
  12. oh Brian, such kind words.


    bee
    here's a bit of pheasant plucking trivia; my dad hunts pheasants, you have to leave the feet on so the game wardons can tell the sex of said bird. That jokester froze them with the feet still on and told us he'd scratch our backs- and yes you guessed it he used the pheasant feet. ha ha

    now you know why I might be the way I am- itchy and such

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm not well up on the reproductive parts of pheasants (lack of education) - but the feet??? Aren't there more obvious ways to tell?

    ReplyDelete
  14. What are you guys doing to me?
    Now when people search google for sex with birds/pheasants my blog will come up!

    Ha Ha!

    jean knee:
    Could you be more country??!!
    [-not that there's anything wrong with that.-]

    ReplyDelete
  15. bee- i love how you don't discriminate
    nebraska is the place to hunt for the really hip pheasants. I don't think we have them here in Texas

    want me to send ya one of those feet?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Umm... let me think about it for a minute NO!

    Maybe you can send it to Brian... he seemed very interested in the whole feet thing. :o)

    ReplyDelete
  17. brian- what? don't you check out girls by their feet?

    ReplyDelete
  18. Re "Whoaaar! Look at the feet on that": I thought that (apart from the likes of Oz) that sort of thing went out in Victorian times. I love the novels of Anthony Trollope, and he often writes about the thrill of seeing a dainty foot (why were small feet considered more attractive?) poking out from underneath the 20,000,000 layers of crinoline. Nowadays there are more interesting parts to check out ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  19. brian:
    Bravo on the OZ reference.

    Yeah, not all guys like women with a bigger shoe sizes than them but I guess some do exist! :op

    And the most interesting parts you are referring to are of course their ears, right?

    ReplyDelete
  20. well I've been sanding the ninety layers of old skin off my feet for nothing then. The OUtrage!!!
    and hubby never even let on that he wasn't thrilled by my feet.

    goodbye sadistic pumice stone, Ill see you in hell

    ReplyDelete
  21. Lets Recap:
    We talked about kids, evil, pickling peckers, purple piss, sex with birds, jean knee’s cruddy feet, brian's predilection for big feet and ears, mind reading, country… anything else I’m missing? oh and plucking pheasants!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Mrs. jo is telling you, 'Goo You!' Are you going to toelrate that kind of treatment, Bee? Is that her way of saying, 'Screw You?'

    Yeah, well, 'GOO YOU TOO, Mrs. Jo!!!"

    ReplyDelete
  23. EWBL:
    ::sniff-sniff::
    Nobody's ever stood up for me before!

    ReplyDelete

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.