Monday, September 17, 2007

The Dance of the Windbags, A Beautiful Fairy Reports.

As all of y’all may (or not) know, Fridays are my meetings with OZ. This past Friday he had a special treat for me. He asked me to be present when he met with an attorney I’d been fighting with on the phone for over a year. Let’s call him Mr. Weasel (no offense to other attorneys, just this guy is a weasel).
Mr. Weasel has been calling trying to be a big bad bully with no success so he decided to go to the top. He was in for a surprise!


Upon his arrival, OZ made him wait 20 minutes.

OZ:
Do you think he’s waited long enough?

Bee:
No, but I want to go home sometime before night fall.

OZ:

[to Glynda] Bring him in. [to me] We'll play good cop, bad cop, okay?

Bee:
Only if I get to be bad cop. [I thought he was joking]

Mr. Weasel comes in and even though we’ve never met, he looks exactly as I thought big gold ring and all!
They both shake hands and I can see they’re sizing each other up.

Oz Introduces me.

OZ:
This is Bee, she will be representing me today… [laughs at his own “joke”…]

Mr. Weasel:
Well it’s good to finally meet both of you in person! [to OZ] I don’t know if she told you but we speak to each other weekly. [laughs, although why is still unknown to me…]

OZ:
Yes, she’s been very… honest in her opinion of you. [laughs again...]

Mr. Weasel:
Well, I only have the interest of my client in mind. Sometimes I must be a little forceful. [chuckles, looks uncomfortable]

Bee: [Enough with the bullshit!]
Well, there must be a reason why you wanted to meet with OZ, may I ask what it is?

Mr. Weasel:
I would like for you to not make my client liable for what he owes. I’ve expressed my concerns multiple times blah blah blah…

OZ:
Bee and I have discussed this account and she advises me to continue on the course we are on now. I’m sorry Mr. Weasel but my hands are tied! [crosses his arms leans back in his chair]

Mr. Weasel: [SHOCKED! looks at me]
I think it’s in the interest of all parties involved to bill health… blah blah

Bee:
I disagree, the only party to benefit would be you. We've discussed this "multiple" times, I thought you were coming here today with a compromise.

OZ:
Well it was nice meeting you but Bee has an appointment so we’ll have to end the meeting now. [meeting time, 7 minutes]

Mr. Weasel:
If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to continue this conversation, could you and I discuss… [OZ cuts him off]

OZ:
I’m sorry, since she is the one with the knowledge I’d be useless without her. [yeah, you think he's paying me compliment but this is just a game to him]

OZ stands up, Mr. Weasel stands up, I stay seated. They shake hands, Weasel exits. I should have asked him to bow. :o)

OZ:
HA HA HA! Did you see his face? [OZ's Philip Seymour Hoffman face red with laughter]

Bee:
I think he can hear you. [When will this day end?]

OZ:
Who cares! HA HA HA! [stops laughing suddenly and asks me] Are you going to take home the tomatoes that are in the kitchen…?

And so concludes the Dance of the Windbags.

Do you feel like you need a shower?
Yeah me too.


P.S.
The tomatoes have no relevance in this story other than that was the last thing he said to me so don't ask if I took them home.
(I did)


28 comments:

  1. Oh my. what to say to this.... hmmmm.. at least you didn't have to work overtime?

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  2. I love windbags, especially when they aren't me

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  3. just exactly what did you mean by that cryptic black dot?
    did you just dis your readers? cause yo, that aint cool dawg

    how's this for a non sequiter:
    ha ha that fiend OJ Simpson is in jail
    If oz can do it so can I

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  4. jean knee: x4

    1) It was overtime.

    2) You can have my windbag.

    3) .

    4) things like "non sequiter" are not welcome on this very unsmurt blog!

    Pissoir

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  5. Non sequitur: The problem with fancy phrases is it's embarrassing when you spell them wrong ;-)

    Back on topic: Is it really wise to make enemies out of the legal profession? You'd better start leading the life of a saint (I know, you already do...). If you ever end up in court, they'll have a field day...

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  6. Ok I want to come to work with you just to sit around for a day and enjoy the entertainment that you so truthfully talk about! It's Great!

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  7. That was magnificent!!!!

    I want to see part two....Dance Of The Douchebags!

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  8. Love it!! Sometimes I wish I could be a fly on the wall...

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  9. brian:
    RE: non seq
    That's how we spell it here in the US... you know how you guys spell color the wrong way by spelling it colour?? :op

    RE: Sainthood.
    I would probably get along better with criminals in jail since they're more honest than attorneys so I have no worries.

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  10. mrs. jo:
    I believe I've invited you to come on down and meet the cast... :o)

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  11. EWBL:
    Hmmm... Douche Dance Part Deux??
    I like the sound of that!
    I'll keep my eyes and ears open to see if the bats comply!

    Esmeralda:
    I should install cameras so you can get a feed while you're at work... :o)

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  12. What? non sequiter is a phrase? I thought it was just a comic strip.
    hmmmmm

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  13. brian:

    ..-. ..- -. -. -.-- --. ..- -.--

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  14. berta:
    *Wapish* is right!
    But don't tell them that otherwise they might get some ideas on what I should wear...

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  15. bee!! where are you? Brian is using morse code on your blog. I think he just challenged you to a jalapeno eating contest

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  16. Challenge accepted!

    I am the nacho jalapeno wiener!

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  17. Re jalapenos: This is libel, or slander, or entrapment or something! You'll be hearing from my lawyers, erm, no, you'll probably win. Not fair! [stamps foot]

    Anyway, I'm intrigued how this works online. What do we use for evidence? A medically certified report from the Burns Unit?

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  18. brian:
    If it burns you, maybe you shouldn't go thru with the challenge and just declare me the winner?? Hmm?? Good idea right?

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  19. Bee's the wiener!!!!! yay!!

    I had to censor myself, I got creeped out every time I scrolled down on my post.


    .

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  20. hahaha! well I was going to describe what you were wearing, but decided against it. Best left for management imaginaton, of course.

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  21. Jalapenos: I'm not one to give in that easily. I hereby nominate Jean Knee as my second (just in case I should be unavoidably indisposed)...

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  22. Haha that's quite the smackdown!

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  23. berta:
    Ha! Ha!
    That's all I need. My hell would be complete.

    brian:
    No "seconds" allowed! If you can't take the heat... just say I win! :o)

    I'll do it for you...

    khmm... (clearing my throat to imitate Brian)

    Bee wins! [English accent]

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  24. lis:

    Uh-huh! That's how we roll on this blog. Laying the smackdown all over the place!

    ReplyDelete

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.