As all of y’all may (or not) know, Fridays are my meetings with OZ. This past Friday he had a special treat for me. He asked me to be present when he met with an attorney I’d been fighting with on the phone for over a year. Let’s call him Mr. Weasel (no offense to other attorneys, just this guy is a weasel).
Mr. Weasel has been calling trying to be a big bad bully with no success so he decided to go to the top. He was in for a surprise!
Upon his arrival, OZ made him wait 20 minutes.
Do you think he’s waited long enough?
No, but I want to go home sometime before night fall.
[to Glynda] Bring him in. [to me] We'll play good cop, bad cop, okay?
Only if I get to be bad cop. [I thought he was joking]
Mr. Weasel comes in and even though we’ve never met, he looks exactly as I thought big gold ring and all!
They both shake hands and I can see they’re sizing each other up.
Oz Introduces me.
This is Bee, she will be representing me today… [laughs at his own “joke”…]
Well it’s good to finally meet both of you in person! [to OZ] I don’t know if she told you but we speak to each other weekly. [laughs, although why is still unknown to me…]
Yes, she’s been very… honest in her opinion of you. [laughs again...]
Well, I only have the interest of my client in mind. Sometimes I must be a little forceful. [chuckles, looks uncomfortable]
Bee: [Enough with the bullshit!]
Well, there must be a reason why you wanted to meet with OZ, may I ask what it is?
I would like for you to not make my client liable for what he owes. I’ve expressed my concerns multiple times blah blah blah…
Bee and I have discussed this account and she advises me to continue on the course we are on now. I’m sorry Mr. Weasel but my hands are tied! [crosses his arms leans back in his chair]
Mr. Weasel: [SHOCKED! looks at me]
I think it’s in the interest of all parties involved to bill health… blah blah
I disagree, the only party to benefit would be you. We've discussed this "multiple" times, I thought you were coming here today with a compromise.
Well it was nice meeting you but Bee has an appointment so we’ll have to end the meeting now. [meeting time, 7 minutes]
If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to continue this conversation, could you and I discuss… [OZ cuts him off]
I’m sorry, since she is the one with the knowledge I’d be useless without her. [yeah, you think he's paying me compliment but this is just a game to him]
OZ stands up, Mr. Weasel stands up, I stay seated. They shake hands, Weasel exits. I should have asked him to bow. :o)
HA HA HA! Did you see his face? [OZ's Philip Seymour Hoffman face red with laughter]
I think he can hear you. [When will this day end?]
Who cares! HA HA HA! [stops laughing suddenly and asks me] Are you going to take home the tomatoes that are in the kitchen…?
And so concludes the Dance of the Windbags.
Do you feel like you need a shower?
Yeah me too.
The tomatoes have no relevance in this story other than that was the last thing he said to me so don't ask if I took them home.