Monday, September 17, 2007

The Dance of the Windbags, A Beautiful Fairy Reports.

As all of y’all may (or not) know, Fridays are my meetings with OZ. This past Friday he had a special treat for me. He asked me to be present when he met with an attorney I’d been fighting with on the phone for over a year. Let’s call him Mr. Weasel (no offense to other attorneys, just this guy is a weasel).
Mr. Weasel has been calling trying to be a big bad bully with no success so he decided to go to the top. He was in for a surprise!

Upon his arrival, OZ made him wait 20 minutes.

Do you think he’s waited long enough?

No, but I want to go home sometime before night fall.


[to Glynda] Bring him in. [to me] We'll play good cop, bad cop, okay?

Only if I get to be bad cop. [I thought he was joking]

Mr. Weasel comes in and even though we’ve never met, he looks exactly as I thought big gold ring and all!
They both shake hands and I can see they’re sizing each other up.

Oz Introduces me.

This is Bee, she will be representing me today… [laughs at his own “joke”…]

Mr. Weasel:
Well it’s good to finally meet both of you in person! [to OZ] I don’t know if she told you but we speak to each other weekly. [laughs, although why is still unknown to me…]

Yes, she’s been very… honest in her opinion of you. [laughs again...]

Mr. Weasel:
Well, I only have the interest of my client in mind. Sometimes I must be a little forceful. [chuckles, looks uncomfortable]

Bee: [Enough with the bullshit!]
Well, there must be a reason why you wanted to meet with OZ, may I ask what it is?

Mr. Weasel:
I would like for you to not make my client liable for what he owes. I’ve expressed my concerns multiple times blah blah blah…

Bee and I have discussed this account and she advises me to continue on the course we are on now. I’m sorry Mr. Weasel but my hands are tied! [crosses his arms leans back in his chair]

Mr. Weasel: [SHOCKED! looks at me]
I think it’s in the interest of all parties involved to bill health… blah blah

I disagree, the only party to benefit would be you. We've discussed this "multiple" times, I thought you were coming here today with a compromise.

Well it was nice meeting you but Bee has an appointment so we’ll have to end the meeting now. [meeting time, 7 minutes]

Mr. Weasel:
If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to continue this conversation, could you and I discuss… [OZ cuts him off]

I’m sorry, since she is the one with the knowledge I’d be useless without her. [yeah, you think he's paying me compliment but this is just a game to him]

OZ stands up, Mr. Weasel stands up, I stay seated. They shake hands, Weasel exits. I should have asked him to bow. :o)

HA HA HA! Did you see his face? [OZ's Philip Seymour Hoffman face red with laughter]

I think he can hear you. [When will this day end?]

Who cares! HA HA HA! [stops laughing suddenly and asks me] Are you going to take home the tomatoes that are in the kitchen…?

And so concludes the Dance of the Windbags.

Do you feel like you need a shower?
Yeah me too.

The tomatoes have no relevance in this story other than that was the last thing he said to me so don't ask if I took them home.
(I did)


  1. Oh my. what to say to this.... hmmmm.. at least you didn't have to work overtime?

  2. I love windbags, especially when they aren't me

  3. just exactly what did you mean by that cryptic black dot?
    did you just dis your readers? cause yo, that aint cool dawg

    how's this for a non sequiter:
    ha ha that fiend OJ Simpson is in jail
    If oz can do it so can I

  4. jean knee: x4

    1) It was overtime.

    2) You can have my windbag.

    3) .

    4) things like "non sequiter" are not welcome on this very unsmurt blog!


  5. Non sequitur: The problem with fancy phrases is it's embarrassing when you spell them wrong ;-)

    Back on topic: Is it really wise to make enemies out of the legal profession? You'd better start leading the life of a saint (I know, you already do...). If you ever end up in court, they'll have a field day...

  6. Ok I want to come to work with you just to sit around for a day and enjoy the entertainment that you so truthfully talk about! It's Great!

  7. That was magnificent!!!!

    I want to see part two....Dance Of The Douchebags!

  8. Love it!! Sometimes I wish I could be a fly on the wall...

  9. brian:
    RE: non seq
    That's how we spell it here in the US... you know how you guys spell color the wrong way by spelling it colour?? :op

    RE: Sainthood.
    I would probably get along better with criminals in jail since they're more honest than attorneys so I have no worries.

  10. mrs. jo:
    I believe I've invited you to come on down and meet the cast... :o)

  11. EWBL:
    Hmmm... Douche Dance Part Deux??
    I like the sound of that!
    I'll keep my eyes and ears open to see if the bats comply!

    I should install cameras so you can get a feed while you're at work... :o)

  12. What? non sequiter is a phrase? I thought it was just a comic strip.

  13. brian:

    ..-. ..- -. -. -.-- --. ..- -.--

  14. berta:
    *Wapish* is right!
    But don't tell them that otherwise they might get some ideas on what I should wear...

  15. bee!! where are you? Brian is using morse code on your blog. I think he just challenged you to a jalapeno eating contest

  16. Challenge accepted!

    I am the nacho jalapeno wiener!

  17. Re jalapenos: This is libel, or slander, or entrapment or something! You'll be hearing from my lawyers, erm, no, you'll probably win. Not fair! [stamps foot]

    Anyway, I'm intrigued how this works online. What do we use for evidence? A medically certified report from the Burns Unit?

  18. brian:
    If it burns you, maybe you shouldn't go thru with the challenge and just declare me the winner?? Hmm?? Good idea right?

  19. Bee's the wiener!!!!! yay!!

    I had to censor myself, I got creeped out every time I scrolled down on my post.


  20. hahaha! well I was going to describe what you were wearing, but decided against it. Best left for management imaginaton, of course.

  21. Jalapenos: I'm not one to give in that easily. I hereby nominate Jean Knee as my second (just in case I should be unavoidably indisposed)...

  22. Haha that's quite the smackdown!

  23. berta:
    Ha! Ha!
    That's all I need. My hell would be complete.

    No "seconds" allowed! If you can't take the heat... just say I win! :o)

    I'll do it for you...

    khmm... (clearing my throat to imitate Brian)

    Bee wins! [English accent]

  24. lis:

    Uh-huh! That's how we roll on this blog. Laying the smackdown all over the place!


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.